OK, I must have been too obscure in this thread, where I asked for help in combating really stupid old wives’ tales.
I mentioned a few over-the-top nuggets of supposed ancient wisdom which my wife’s friends have told me in all seriousness. “Don’t tap a pregnant woman on back, or she may get shocked.”
In response, I gave some counter example which I claimed were passed down by my grandmother, including not having sex in restaurants with random strangers and not losing money on the stock market.
So, because it apparently was too much of a whoosh, let me invite everyone to make up some new old wives’ tales concerning pregnancy.
How can we avoid shocking the modern pregnant woman?
Pregnant women should never drink through a straw. The baby will be born with a permanent pucker.
Magnetic strips contain toxins that are very dangerous to the baby. Credit cards should not be carried or handled by pregnant women.
The gender of the baby can be influenced by the way a woman wipes after bathroom activities. For a boy, up and down. For a girl, a circular motion. Consistency is key.
Half-Japanese, half-gaijin babies are born with a full set of adult teeth. It’s genetics.
Having sex (or swalling lots of semen) will help the child be born a boy, especially if done a lot early on. All those extra male hormones, you know. If she falls for this one, let us know… it could be very helpful.
She should avoid soap operas, as they will make a child emotionally fragile.
A spoon full of castor oil will help get labor started (this one was actually told to me in birthing class by a young unwed mother… I think she was 15. Her partner was her social worker…).
See, now I thought you meant something else in re: culture. Because I do know about the culture of New Mamas (the American version, anyway) and, well, we’re all nuts. For the first few years at least, and sometimes much longer.
The Mother Lode for the insanity is the forums over at www.mothering.com.
You must breastfeed your baby, or you are a rotten mother.
You must use only organic cotton diapers, or you are a rotten mother.
You must never let your baby cry in distress for any time or reason, or you are a rotten mother.
You must give your child only wooden toys made by hand by Algerian peasants, or you are a rotten mother.
You must always put your child’s needs first, or you are a rotten mother.
Pregnant mom should sit close to the TV when any auto race, especially NASCAR, is on. Baby’s first words should be, “Boogety boogety boogety; lets go racin’!”
If an infant is allowed to sleep in the breeze of an electric fan, it can be very bad. Specifically, it will be bad for the rest of the people in the house or apartment.
