Please, IPU, let the X-Ray tech simply have a warped sense of humour.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

I still don’t know much more, I’m sorry to report.

The ultrasound guy was not nearly so alarming – but the actual procedure was twenty thousand times more uncomfortable, naturally. (I’m sure that in a slightly different context, in different company, it would actually be kind of fun, but having a snaggle-toothed old guy rub your scrotum all over with a cold, slippery, subtly vibratey thingummy for ten minutes is a bit… um… awkward.)

He said that my doctor would have the results in the middle of next week, which I guess was yesterday. Still no call. If he doesn’t call tomorrow, I’ll inquire on Saturday.

The pain has reduced considerably – but I have no idea if that’s because the course of antibiotics was what was required or because I’ve been taking it easy. Just a dull (and easily ignorable) ache, now. I’m not even walking any funnier than usual.

I had my feet up for a week or so, and the new job that I’ve just started involves much more ass-to-seat contact, thank god. The most strain that I’m dealing with comes from my keyboard, which perversely has an “enter” key that’s two centimeters too far to the right to be used without removing my right hand from the home position. Poor me. :wink:

42

So, where’s the update?

43

Yes, the SDMB is perched on the edge of your balls, Larry. What’s the word?

44

We have not heard nearly enough about your testes, you need to come back and give us an update, stat!

45

Sorry! I know you’re all fascinated by the sensation in my sack.

Nothing much to report – apparently, the ultrasound didn’t reveal anything out of the ordinary, and neither did the x-rays. (I do wonder what the hell he was on about, the goon.)

On a different type of antibiotic now, which has no noticible effect, either.

Fecking 'ell, I’m going for a bloody STD screen tomorrow. I will be utterly gobsmacked if it turns out to be some flavour of communicable crotch-rot. Seems doubtful to me, all things considered. If it is, it’s been lurking a long time.

46

I read that story too! Do you know where it came from?

47

My armchair misdiagnosis is still non-use, giving rise to epididymitis.

48

The guy probably just caught sight of you magnificent speculum.

49

Unfortunately, this situation has come up within a few months of a new shack-up. Putting rather a damper on things, I don’t mind saying.

50

He probably wanted the other person to come over and look at the guy still sitting in place with his nuts arranged so nicely. An infection can make it feel like someone kicked you in the nuts, so you may have had the infection first thought of. You could get one of those cancer tests that detect it early on. It’s a urine or blood test. I had a calcification removed about 15 years after it was detected. The decission was made after it started to hurt like I’d been kicked. I could hardly stand the two weeks before surgery. I do mean hardly able to stand. I would get one of those new early stage tests, reguardles of an x-ray or ultra sound, to easy my mind in your position.

51

Have you considered testicular torsion? Sometimes the little buggers twist around inside the sack, and I hear it’s rather uncomfortable. I had the girly version (ovarian torsion) and I was on the floor screaming in pain. As an added bonus, it’s sometimes rather hard to diagnose.

mischievous

52

“Considered” is not the word. While I didn’t exactly freak out about the possibility, I had moments of extreme anxiety worring about it, especially after the x-ray tech’s unexplained comment (about god-knows-what.)

I always calmed myself down by reminding myself that that kind of thing isn’t liable to come and go. I’m very relieved to have been told that the x-rays and ultrasound didn’t show anything obviously wrong.

I’m still obstinately hoping for some non-stigmatic root cause. As near as I can recollect, I’ve only had unprotected sex with one person in the last seven years, tested negative for the usual suspects immediately before that, and believed her when she said she did. Aw, feck. Just remembered that STDs can be passed through oral-genital contact. There goes that false sense of securty.

I have moments of paranoia (I hope not clarity) when I fret about the possibility that I’ve picked up fecking chlamydia, because apparently there are frequently no symptoms and hey! – apart from the pain in my bag, I’ve never had any of the obvious nasty symptoms of STDs. But a course of doxycycline didn’t do a damned thing, so it’s probably not that, right?

Maybe some nice doctor will come along and tell me it’s psychosomatic and related to job or relationship stress. And then it’ll just vanish – that’d be awesome.

I prefer that fantasy to the one where the stern nurse looks up from her clipboard with a frown and says, “You’ve got the clap, you dirty little man.”

Hell, I’d hesitate for a moment choosing between that and a more serious problem, like a hernia or the damned c-word, just because I could at least expect my girlfriend to be more sympathetic in one of the latter scenarios. (Ha-- even before I hesitated for that moment, I’d flash that I might expect her sympathy, but those expectations might not be met. She’s not exactly a coddler. I can imagine how that’d go: “Men! As soon as it’s got anything to do with your dick, it’s the goddamned end of the world. ‘Waaaaah, poor me, I have to go through life with only one ball.’ So what? What’s the point?”

But at least I wouldn’t catch as much hell as I would if it turned out to be syph or something. :smiley:

53

He’d be in some seriou trouble by now. Dunno how the female equivalent is, but in males, it’s a “call an ambulance and get to the emergency room immediately before the affected testicle(s) die” sort of problem.

54

Based on the screaming one of my female friends demonstrated, I’d say ovarian torsions are quite painful, and equally a sprinting-to-the-ER experience.

55

I want to change the title of this thread to My Left Nut.

56

Censored because I’m not meant to know some of this: During the 1980s, [a certain relative of mine] was Captain of a hunter-killer nuclear sub, and during a trip to [a certain war in the South Atlantic], got a testicular torsion while asleep in his bunk. So great was the agony he was displaying that his second in command declared him a casualty, and cancelled manoeuvres in order to dock at the nearest port in a [certain south American country], where he was disembarked on a stretcher, screaming at the top of his lungs, to be operated on. It was just a snip, twist and stitch, and then he was walking wounded, though not happy about it, and able to retake his command.

I myself once had a (non-STD) testicular infection, and it hurt like crazy but was totally benign - hopefully what you have is probably no worse than that.

57

In my youth, I thought it would be fun to show off to my friends and “tightrope” walk on a metal bar that was used to park bicycles…I slipped, with one leg going off to the right, the other leg going off to the left.

At that point, I discovered to my horror that the bar was about five inches longer than my inseam.

Screaming ensued.

I can feel your pain. Even years later, I can still remember the pain.

58

“In my youth,” Doper Dmark replied to Herr Mudd,
“I suffered a terrible fall.
The pain that I felt as such a young stud
Was like that that is vexing your ball.”

59

Very nice. You know, genital poetry is quite under-appreciated.

60

I agree, Larry Mudd has much on the ball.

So to speak. :smiley: