Just thought it would be remiss to leave out the denoument. (I know there are dozens of people out there who are eaten up with frustration about not reaching closure on Mudd’s ball saga… yeah…)
Anyway, it’s not a mystery infection, or the Dutch Pox, or anything like that.
I went to a specialist, at last, and it turns out that I have a big honkin’ varicocele. (Varicose veins where they really ought not to be. A simple surgery should fix it right up. Whoohoo! Ball surgery! Damn, I feel old.)
The fella expressed surprise that it went undetected in earlier visual exams and especially with the ultrasound.
My pet theory is that the folks who were obliged to look before couldn’t help not looking too closely. Being a urologist, this guy manipulated my junk as casually as if it were something he’d picked up at the butcher shop. Strangely, it wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as previous examinations, though those were much more delicate.
I can honestly say that’s the first time a fella’s ever spent some time squeezing and stroking my equipment and then remarked, “Oh yeah, that’s a big one.”
Come to think of it, I don’t recall ever hearing that assessment from a woman, either.
Anyway, that’s a wrap. (I’m actually very relieved. Whew.)
Well Larry, glad to hear that it’s fixable - although I’m sure you’re not eagerly anticipating ball surgery. Whenever I see your user name, I’m reminded of a post you made shortly after I started reading the Dope - correct me if I’ve got the wrong guy (the search didn’t find any results), but didn’t you once make a post about your balls aching after eating pizza? You took a lot of ribbing for that one - do you think it’s related to this problem that they found?
I never imagined that outcome. Will they be pulling them up through a slit above the penis to work on them. It was the normal access for surgery, and I don’t know if they’ve improved technique. :eek:
Oh, hell, I was sure everyone had forgotten about that by now, damn it.
God, I have no idea. I found the remedy for that problem was simply to stop eating too much pizza. Haven’t thought about it too much since then. I don’t think it’s related – it was a different kind of pain, and generally bilateral.
Harmonius Discord, yeah, they’ll be cutting in at the pudenda there. Wasn’t told anything more than that, but I imagined that they’d be poking down into that area, though I suppose taking everything out of the pocket for easy access is more practical.
Now I feel like I’m going to faint, or throw up. Or faint and throw up.
That correction was perfectly within the edit feature’s window of opportunity. You have no excuse for making another post, other than being an attention whore.
I’m trying to think of what would show up on a pelvic X-ray that would be impressive. Maybe a Matchbox car, cunningly hidden paper clip or the world’s worst case of constipation. Not many testicular things show up on X-ray (US is more useful); the doctor was probably looking for hernia.
If you were a rooster, that’s where he’d go in. I have a friend that grew up on a capon farm, and they went in under the wing to do the deed. :eek:
Larry, don’t feel old. My nephew had a varicocele and surgery when he was about 14. If you think SDMB is ruthless, imagine being an 8th-grader undergoing ball surgery.
On second thought…Dopers often act like 8th-graders :p. Yup, we’ll put you through hell.
It really doesn’t hurt much. afterwards. A couple days of don’t walk around, aweek or two not working, and a month of careful light activity. No shoveling or the like. Get something loose you can cover with like a robe or such, so the guests can visit.
I have to say, Larry, you talking about puking and fainting is great. I’ve reassured my husband that he’s not the only guy who’s tetchy about testicular surgery stuff (he’s having a REEEEally hard time working up the nerve for the vasectomy).
I’ve been called a chicken, and I’ve occasionally had a comb on my head, though it was just passing through, but otherwise I think I’m safe from mistaken identity.
I’ll just have to take extra care when applying deodorant.
