1 being the worse and 10 being the best. You can use .5’s if you so choose. Please judge it on FORM, ABILITY and DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY. Please explain your vote if you have time, it will give me some constructive feedback to perfect this dive even more than I have already.
Ok, here goes…
I am on the 20 foot spring board. My lean hard defined figure is standing at the end ( well ok maybe there is a slight paunch around the middle) . The wind is blowing my dark curly hair around( ok so it has a little gray in it but when it’s wet it looks dark) and my speedo bulges with confidence (or at least it did before I got in the cold water earlier, now I could quite possibly be mistaken for female).
I test the tension on the diving board with a few small springs. My stomach, laggin slightly, obediently follows the up and down movement. I think I am ready to nail this puppy.
I have chosen a two and one-half with a half twist. The degree of difficulty is very high, but no challenge for an athelete such as myself.
One mighty spring and I attempt to break the surly bonds of earth and launch myself into the air. My left heel, however unexpectedly skids on the end of the diving board at the end of the launch-spring, sending my foot straight out in front of me and my ass heading for the end of the diving board at a rate greater than 120 ft per second per second squared. My speedo hangs on the corner of the board suspending me for a few breath taking nano-seconds in mid-air before succumbing to the weight of my body and ripping into two distinct pieces which are propelled into the crowd.
My quick mind tells me however that it is not too late to recover and get enough points to send me to Sydney.
As I plummet towards the water, head first and shrunken penis exposed for all to see, I make one last attempt to recover the dive by rotating my body into a 360 degree turn so that I can at least complete a one and a half…I have by now said to hell with the twist, however my stomach will not let me negoitate the turn completely and my now exposed white ass hits the water like a gutshot duck, displacing water at least 5 times my body weight. I am quickly hiddin from this rather embarrassing situation by tons of blue cholrinated water.
As I swim towards the surface I figure if I make a flashy enough surface from the dive you judges will overlook the fact that I missed the dive by only a hair and be swayed.
I break the surface pounding my fist into the air screaming…yes!!!yeah!! Yeeah USA!!! USA!!!USA!!!
Then I look expectantly towards the judges box…
