Please stop fucking, I'm trying to concentrate!

[Cluricaun]

Please stop concentrating, we’re trying to fuck.

Love,

The Neighbors.

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Jimmy_Chitwood

I have met him, and my hope was that he would be Monk or Raymond Babbitt or something, and could repay his sonic transgressions by solving crimes or recalling perfectly what my girlfriend said in an argument two months ago, but sadly, no. He’s just kind of a jerk.

I just want to know what and why the hell he’s vacuuming for that long, because the suspense is killing me. So far I’ve come up with paranoid drug dealer, weekly-instead-of-full-moon-only-werewolf who sheds, Monk, murderer, and plain old asshole.

The bolded terms are synonymous, at least as regards the detective with the cute blond sidekick.

[Jimmy_Chitwood]

Well, but he’s a particular kind, not a plain old.

[aldiboronti]

Reminds me of the joke about the kid who runs into his parents’ bedroom, "Mommy, quickly! I think the man next door is dying. He keeps banging on the wall and shouting, ‘Oh God, I’m coming!’

[Rigamarole]

@KGS

It’s really distracting me from working on this tender scene in my novel featuring two vampires in love…

Are you kidding? Sounds like the perfect inspiration. Use it.

[Amazon_Floozy_Goddess]

Ugh. A couple university students just moved into the unit next to me. I haven’t even met them, but I already hate them. At 3am the other night, I was awakened by the sound of thumps, bumps, slams, hammering, something rolling across the floor, and a repeated sound like someone dropping a handful of pebbles into the bathtub. This went on for a good hour. This was a Thursday night. Why? Why is this necessary??

Last night, I heard a car pull in around the same time and then the sound of them running loudly back and forth across the parking lot, yelling incoherently and laughing for about 15 minutes before they finally went inside.

I’m going to assume they were drunk, because that seems to be a trend with the student tenants around here. Look, I don’t care if you get drunk. Get as drunk as you like. Drink till you puke your organs out. Just do it quietly. I just want to sleep, is that too much to ask?

[minor7flat5]

@meenie7

Stupid loud people.

My sister used to live in a complex where her downstairs neighbors were from Brazil, and whenever there was a big soccer match featuring the Brazilian team, guess where the entire Brazilian population of the area would come to have an enormous bbq and yell constantly for 8 hours? :rolleyes:

I say it’s time for the vampires to go kill some loud people, to make you feel better.

I remember walking in the street in the suburbs of Rio, and listening in awe at the synchronous cheering that came from every single home and bar on the way.
Their dedication to soccer exceeds anything we can compare it to in US sports.

I wouldn’t want to be an upstairs neighbor who was trying to get some rest during the soccer match. (Of course in reality I would be right down there with them )

[BJMoose]

I recall many years ago getting down to business with the gf at the same time the couple in the apartment above did. I took great pride in the fact that I lasted longer than he did.

[beowulff]

@KGS

My apartment’s in a normally a quiet neighborhood, so I’m a little surprised the party upstairs keeps getting louder and more boisterous, even though it’s well past midnight. There’s people dropping beer cups from the balcony and people talking loudly on the stairs, despite the fact that it’s been raining harder than any storm we’ve had in the past three years.

Thankfully, when I’m at my computer with loud music playing I can’t hear the noise they’re making – or, at least, until the party spread into the bedroom above mine. Now I can hear the bed upstairs creaking, in that steady tell-tale rhythm, accompanied by very loud THUMPS on the floor and POUNDING on the walls. It’s really distracting me from working on this tender scene in my novel featuring two vampires in love…

My God, they’re still at it. Don’t know whether to call the cops or grab my video camera.

Really, what do you expect in “Porn Capital USA”?

[Hyperelastic]

@Una_Persson

Long, long ago, back in college the ex SO and I lived in a tiny apartment with paper-thin walls. One day in the bathroom, I could hear clearly the conversation leading up to, the act, and the aftermath of one of the girls upstairs getting her first anal intercourse experience from her boyfriend (they wanted to do it with her standing in the tub “in case something comes out”).

It was not nearly as interesting as it might sound.

Well, it sounds very interesting! So, did something come out? Your use of the word “aftermath” has inquiring minds wondering.

[DianaG]

Many years ago, my friend and her (shiny new-at-the-time) husband lived next door to my boyfriend (and my other friend lived across the hall, and my sister lived upstairs, and it was like an extraordinarly unglamourous Melrose Place). One morning we found a note pinned to our door rating our various sexcapades based on noise level. We pinned one to their door telling them to have their own damned sex and ours wouldn’t bother them.

[Princhester]

Yanno that joke that ends “…but please stop leaning on the intercom”?

Well, a while back the girl next door and some guy stood on the steps to her front door at 2am, right near my bedroom window, having this long, long debate about whether or not he was going to be invited in. He was trying every trick in the book (“I just wanna drink”, and “I’d just like to sleep with you, we don’t have to do anything” etc) and she was vascillating between telling him how hot she was for him, and saying she’d just met him and she didn’t want to go too fast. The full cliche, in other words.

I was right on the verge of rousing myself out of bed, going over to the window and yelling, “Look, girl, I don’t care if you tell the guy to go, or invite him in and fuck his brains out, just make up your mind and shut the fuck up!” when she finally made up her mind to send him on his way.

[BigBertha]

A new guy is renting the room in the house next to ours. He has a girlfriend, I know this becasue they cannot walk to their cars without stoppping to kiss every 5 seconds. (note: they are not young)
At night, first i hear a high voiced woo woo woo for a bit. Maybe at times a Youre a whore! Yes, do the whore! and so on
Then the loud throwing up sound from the guy.
I applauded once, but it hasn’t put them off yet.

[corkboard]

Finding myself happier than usual that I own a detached home, where the only sounds at night are from an owl in the woods adjoining my property.

[Bartman]

Note to self: Bake cookie for my apartment management.

I love the rules at my current place. The rules? You can’t be too loud between 10pm and 8am. And what is too loud? Anything that disturbs your neighbors.

I know they have evicted people for regularly doing laundry at night. I’ve had to call the night manager a couple of times on neighbors… but once the management explains that they will evict you and are preparing the paperwork to do so everyone has suddenly developed a love for peaceful nights.

[Carl_Corey]

I used to know a guy who was pretty weird.

One day, being without shaving cream, he used WD-40.

He said it gave the closest shave ever. And then he said that he would NEVER do that again.

[Elendil_s_Heir]

@KGS

Ha ha, more like it’s time for them to go out for a midnight snack.

I’d say it’s time for them to go out to be a midnight snack.

My wife and I were once, uh, inspired by the neighboring couple’s late-night booty call. I still smile when I think about it.