Please stop trying to kill me.

Look.

I’ve been here before. I’ve posted a VERY similar rant before, about family members…

This is aimed to you, friend. Yes you.


Dear Oysterfuck,

Eating a little, itty bitty particle of peanut will KILL ME. Yes, that’s right, KILL ME. My throat will swell up, I’ll break out in hives, my lips will turn blue, and I will die. On your kitchen floor.

“A little won’t hurt you” just won’t cut it. “It’s not that bad” won’t cut it either.

Stop offering me shit you know has come into contact with peanuts - hell, stop offering me peanuts themselves! Fer crissakes, PEANUT OIL contains PEANUTS, fucknugget! You used it in the salad dressing! I asked, you were offended, but I’m sure glad I asked, because you would have killed me. Yes, KILLED ME. Last time I ingested peanut laced food, I flatlined twice! Do the math!

Slipping it into my food (the dressing) isn’t kosher. You told my housemate that “bah, what she won’t know won’t hurt her.” He flipped out, and rightfully so!

Oh, and by the way, after I exploded at you (again!), going off into a rant on how you hate taking the plane now because they don’t give out peanuts anymore because of allergies was just a wee bit too much. In your opinion, you hate pretzels, so why should you have to suffer in the name of the allergic folk? You asked if peanuts will come out of the bag and run up to the allergic person and bite him.

Maybe we can find a way to send YOU into anaphylactic shock, and see how YOU feel if you survive.

sigh

('pologies for the lame rant.)

Elly

note to self: do not offer Elenfair a peanut…

I understand completely. My wife is very allergic to shellfish (especially shrimp)…can’t even touch the stuff. She loves other seafood, but we have to be careful when ordering to keep the deadly stuff off the plate.

Just remember, even Superman had to watch out for kryptonite, so don’t let it get you too down. Your friend, on the other hand, is an idiot.

So he thinks you’re just making up the bit about your throat swelling shut so you can’t breathe? What an asshole. Is this someone you can avoid?

Exactly the same thing happened all the time with my brother growing up. He’s got exactly the same reaction to peanuts and ran into 3(!) different friends of my mothers who all had the same issues as your “friend.” Fortunatly the woman that managed to actually get some peanuts into him was also a registered nurse and knew what to do when he went into shock.

My mum’s got an allergic reaction to tomatoes that just involves projectile vomiting. It’s not nice, cause she doesn’t feel good, but it is kinda funny when someone will decide it’s all in her head and wind up with her puking all over them (I’ve seen it once).

Stop rhyming, I mean it!
Does anybody want a pean-… wait, I guess not.

Sing it sister!

My allergy is to nuts but not peanuts. What a royal pain in the ass allergy to deal with. Having to inquire as to the exact ingrediants in every single thing you eat completely sucks. And even when you do ask you still aren’t sure if you’re getting the whole story.

I once ate a blueberry muffin that happened to be in a bag with a walnut muffin, 20 minutes later I was in the emergency room.

I have complete sympathy for you.

Honey.

Yeah, but surely just a little bit…

This friend of your is nuts.

Elenfair, Honey, et al., my sympathies go out to you and I think your friends suck.

However, I think folks like you are getting a bad rap from people who claim an “allergy” one day, and suck down the offending item with glee the next. I’ve seen it more often than I can relate in such a short time (I get off work at 5:00pm, and it’s now 8:53am), most namely from my coworkers.

I’ve actually heard one of my coworkers SCREAM at her assistant (who brought doughnuts with nuts on top) that she couldn’t eat nuts, or anything that had touched a nut (she sent him back for different doughnuts)…

Then a few days later, she cleaned out a jar of nuts I had on my desk. Also, she claims allergies to chocolate and strawberries, but guess what I’ve seen her eat…?

Same thing with another (ex)coworker, who was constantly kvetching because people didn’t understand her dog allergies, and cursing her dog-owning friends for thinking that merely keeping the dog in another room when she came over would solve the problem. She insisted that this was NOT the case, and refused to attend parties given by good friends, if they had dogs.

For this reason, I planned a special dinner party in my new home just for her, so that she could see the place before I moved my dog in. (I worried that she’d still have a problem, because the previous owners had had two dogs, so I scrubbed the place down with the fury of a thousand Shannen Dohertys, and she did OK.) Later, I converted my (detached) garage into a dining room, so that she would be able to attend a dinner party I threw for my coworkers (because by this time my dog and her dander were well-established in my house).

Well.

Not only did she actually sneak into my house during Dinner Party #2 (the Al Fresco Affair) to smoke pot, she also by then had met a boy with TWO (indoor) dogs, and routinely spent the night at his place! Also, she seemed to have no trouble riding in my car, which STAYS full of dog hair.

So, while I am by NO means condoning the behavior of your friends, people like my coworkers may help to explain their attitudes that “what you don’t know won’t hurt you.”

auntie em I’m amazed at the lengths you went to just to make your friend comfortable. You darlin’, are the bees knees. :slight_smile:

Honey

Sheesh, some people need to be whacked upside the head with a clue-stick. I have an old friend with the same severe allergy and I’ll never forget the time when I ate some peanuts on a drive over to see him. It took an hour to get there and I’d completely forgotten what I’d eaten until I shook his hand. Within 20 mins. his hand had turned red, blotchy and swollen. I’d hate to see his reaction if he ever came into direct contact with a peanut, let alone ingest one!

Thanks, Honey. May I offer you a nut? :eek:

Huh? You were joking right? Being the bees knees is a good thing.

OMG, yes, I was joking! I am fully aware of the magnitude of the bees knees. Sorry to have alarmed you.

:slight_smile: :slight_smile:

I’ve got an allergy to shellfish, and for some reason friends don’t understand why I’d rather not go have sushi with them, what with the preponderance of seafood products and the fact that my cucumber roll gets rolled and sliced on the same cutting board that piece of clam was sitting on a few minutes ago. And no, thanks, I don’t feel like trying a piece of it “just to see” because I “don’t really know.” Gastrointestinal paralysis is not your friend, ladies and gentlemen.

I’m allergic to alcohol—I won’t keel over dead like Elen will with peanuts (can you read the comic strip, by the way?), but I will get food poisoning from even a little alcohol: nauseated, headachy, etc. Even foods cooked in alcohol make me ill, as there’s some chemical still left over in it. It’s so bad that even the scent of liquor makes me queasy.

So, all my friends went through the “it’s just psychosomatic!” phase, and sneaked me chicken or cake or whatever cooked in wine . . . I’d call them the next day from my Bed of Discomfort, and they’d go, “ooooh . . . Guess you weren’t kidding!”

Thanks Honey et al…

em - I know what you mean! I tell people there’s a difference between intolerence to something (like lactose) and an ALLERGY.

I’ve heard of one co-worker here who claimed an allergy and then was seen eating the stuff. Gah. That’s the type of thing that is making it so much longer to fight ignorance…

sigh

Elly

I’m allergic to raw onions, although only very mildly and I’ll suffer the consequences because I like 'em.