Short Story Grades
Introduction 30 pts – Does the story grab you from the beginning and make you want to read more?
Body 30 pts – Does the story keep your interest? Is it descriptive? Do the characters come alive or grow? Is there continuity and structure?
Conclusion 30 pts – Does the story have a satisfying ending?
Rating scale 10 pts – On a scale of 1 to 10, how much did I like the story.
Total 100
T-Shirt Junction:
Intro 30 – nice descriptive scene of waking up after a long night out. You absolutely made the reader want to know “what happened?” and keep reading.
Body 25 – very good dialogue, but I think some more character development could have helped. You tell us they got to learn more about each other, but we didn’t get to learn much about therm. Even a couple throw away lines would have made them more 3 dimensional, “…she was the optimistic only child of wealthy divorced cynics; he was the adventurous son of timid Presbyterians.” By the end of the story, I still don’t feel I know them.
Conclusion 30 – you wrapped it up nicely, and the magic of cotton became apparent.
Rating 8 – a really nice story, but wish I got knew more about the characters.
Total: 93
The Halloween Kegger
Intro 30 – a truly great opening sentence! You jumped right into the story and I wanted to read more!
Body 20 – despite the great opening, parts of the story seemed to drag. I would have preferred to see you keep up the witty inner-dialogue of the narrator, commenting on the series of events happening around him. Let the others be so stupid as to steal a keg and forget the tap. Your narrator would have been a perfect voice of snarky, sarcastic reason amongst this group of half-wits.
Conclusion 20 – seemed a bit of a letdown to go to all that work and then just toss the damned keg in a river – at least drop it from a cliff and watch it blow up, or have some idiot hammer a nail in it or something more grand as the finale.
Rating 7 – a truly great start, but a missed opportunity to keep that narrator as a funny, witty, teenaged observer of teenage stupidity.
Total: 77
Playing The Stump
Introduction 15 – sort of ho-hum. Didn’t really grab me and tell me much to get interested in what was about to happen.
Body 27 – this is where you start to get really good at descriptive use of words and imagery. I could see the location and I got to know about the shy boy and his crush on the girl he thought didn’t know he liked her. It was a sweet story, and although some more flirting would have been fun, you did a good job of creating mood and opportunity.
Conclusion 30 – you wrapped the story up beautifully. Let the dance begin.
Rating 8 – slow start, but once you got going, it grew on me.
Total 80
Boys Night Out
Introduction – 29 – and I know that seems odd to drop one point, but you were so close to having a really great intro, but I think you have about 14 words too many in that opening paragraph. Just the slightest tweaking here and there could have made this far creepier and scary.
Body -20 –this is where you sort of lost me. Suddenly you add two more characters. If the story is about all three, then maybe the opening should have been about all three doing whatever they did to cause this chain of events and the revert back to the individual back stories. I never felt like I got to know the real story of any one of them.
Conclusion – 28 – you wrapped up the concept nicely by showing them as a trio on a mission, and then sent them back stronger. Short, sweet and to the point.
Rating 7 – I only wish I had an idea of what the three did together that caused them have to go out together to “fix” this. Maybe I missed something, but it seemed like a chunk of the story was missing.
Total 84
Sparks
Intro -20 – I liked the idea of just jumping into the actual work that was being done but a few more words describing the surroundings of bleak desolation would have set the mood better.
Body – 18 – while I appreciate brevity, this was a tad too short to convey all that was happening up to that point. You missed the chance to really throw in some perspective on the power and worth of doing something as mundane (insane) as rebuilding a bank instead of a hospital or school or art museum or memorial.
Conclusion – 25 – this was actually a nice, melancholy ending expressing the futile nature of their task.
Rating 7 – I think I was short changed with the brevity of this story, and didn’t get to feel much about the characters and their horrific situation. It was a good draft of what could have been a great story.
Total 70
The History of a Tough Motherfucker (thank you Charles Bukowski)
Intro – 30 – nice job! You jumped right in there and we already learned about the characters and their surroundings and mental state. Not a wasted word in the first paragraph!
Body -25 – you kept the mood, and the characters became more real. I wish the philosophy student had been a bit more philosophical (as stoned people often get) and gone off on a more fanciful rant about money and capitalism and the evils of Twinkies or whatever. You got your point across but could have used his character to really turn this story psychedelic.
Conclusion -28 – a great throw- away line, showing your characters remained true to their character by not earning money to replace what was lost, but simply cheated their way through the rough patch! You might have added a line before or after it, just to solidify the characters – but not a deal breaker.
Rating 9 – this was a fun snapshot of two characters who were likeable, but not people I would want to have as neighbors. Still – I knew people like that when I was younger (although avoided them when possible).
Total 92
On My Way Home
Introduction – 20 – I can smell the sweat the cigar and that is good, but I don’t feel any urgency or get an idea what is in the head of the person relating the story. Nice descriptive use of words, but doesn’t make me lean forward to learn more yet.
Body – 28 – an excellent job of creating mood and describing the characters along this walk home. Not much happens, but the view along the way is quite vivid and keeps me interested as a first time observer of this neighborhood. I just wish there were perhaps a reason for the particular walk home – perhaps a lost job, or the beginning of a holiday season?
Conclusion – 30 – once again, great descriptive use of words and I could see her standing at the door. I too would have appreciated arriving home.
Rating 8 – and I would have given this a 10 if I only knew why this particular walk home was different from any others. Maybe it wasn’t and maybe that was the point. Still, by adding just a hint of importance to the day would have made this a special walk down memory lane.
Total 86
Bethlehem, Ontario
Introduction – 15 – this was really the only weak spot in the story. I think you should have started off in the “today” with the roaring flames or visual of the smoldering devastation. Get us to rush to the scene and want to learn more! This is a huge disaster, so give us the urgency!
Body – 30 – nice job of going from present to past, from science to lore, from practical to the unimaginable! Very much the core of a longer novel, and a great first chapter, should you decide to continue on with this.
Conclusion – 30 – you have let out the beast, and it is not a malevolent creature. This is a good example of an ending being a beginning.
Rating – 9 – great story, but again, that introduction just fell flat and it was like something kids were told in school, “keep reading, it gets better…”
Total 84
Redeeming Marzie Hennessey
Introduction -30 – nice job! Got the idea of a death and mixed reviews of the deceased in just a few words! I wanted to read more to find out the who and the why.
Body – 25 – good character development. We got to know the brothers pretty well just over breakfast, and by the time we got to the funeral, we knew a lot. The surprise encounter with the man and the story of wishing happiness made it a sad tale of missed opportunities and pointless grudges. It might have been nice to learn a bit more about the mother, but that might have been hard to do without sacrificing the characterization of the brothers. Still, a bit more info on her would have made this a more solid story.
Conclusion – 30 – neatly wrapped up, and a twinge of hope. Brief and to the point.
Rating – 9 – I really liked this story, and feel like I got to know two estranged brothers who might never become close again, but have moved on.
Total 94
A night in the woods
Introduction – 30 – excellent intro, and you most certainly made me want to continue to read to find out what in the hell you were doing out there with a hammer and a coin! Brief and to the point, but kept interest.
Body 25 – a terribly sad story of hopelessness in a time of tragedy. Not exactly chipper reading material, but you were able to keep it from becoming maudlin and kept the nature of the father true. You cared about him and his daughter. It might have been nice to include at least one happy memory – maybe the father and daughter going out to those woods, or some special moment between them? This would have made the story more poignant and yet given it more depth.
Conclusion 25 – I liked it but upon reflection, I think it was a bit unclear. My guess is that because he “walked” and didn’t “run” the news was not good. But then I wondered if I was reading too much into it.
Rating – 9 – a very sad story with very good character development of the father.
Total 89
A night in the woods
Introduction – 28 – I hate werewolf and zombie stories, so when I started reading it I cringed – but was quite happy to see your narrator quickly snap the book shut! Yeah!
Body – 30 – a very nice tale of teenage love and love lost and revenge! You captured the urgency of youth – the fact that everything is so damned important and needs to be taken care of immediately, regardless of the consequences. You kept the pace up quite nicely.
Conclusion – 28 – very good, but you really didn’t need to put “The End” in there.
Rating – 9 – all in all, a great story of teenage revenge gone to the extremes.
Total 95
Collecting a coin in time
Introduction – 25 – you got my attention, but there was no real sense of urgency as the horse approached.
Body – 15 – this story really confused me and I had to read it several times to figure out what was going on. Some of the ancient dialogue was a bit off – I don’t think people back then would say “…did the coin thing…”, plus you spelled Paul McCartney wrong (Beatles fan here). I appreciate the concept of time travel and changing history, but think there was maybe a bit too much jumping going on for me to follow. Perhaps I need more coffee this morning, but it seemed all a bit jumbled to me.
Conclusion -15 – didn’t wrap up the story so much as set up the start of a new story.
Rating 7 – it was ok for what it was, as a time travelers’ tale, but it just seemed to be jumping around too much. Maybe set up the first story first, have one jump in time and then back to the first story to wrap that one up before hinting of the next.
Total 62
As Luck Would Have It
Introduction 28 – you might not have given us a hint of what is to follow, but it was a fun start and we got to know the character right off the bat! Kept me wanting to read more.
Body 30 – a fun, breezy story that could be the plot for a filmed romantic comedy (and I mean that as a serious compliment!) . The characters really grew in this story, the narrator stayed true to his character and the story was really nice. I was glad he didn’t win the lottery, and it was fun to imagine if the tree brought him luck or it was just fate.
Conclusion 25 – was sweet, but there could have been something more of a twist – like maybe Janice had heard that rumor as well and hammered in a coin on recent trip to Wales? Or show her crazy aunt hammering in a coin in a stump somewhere?
Rating – 9 – a solid story, fun to read and moved along at a good clip. You kept the dialogue and characters true and held my interest to the end, which was the only sort of soft part of the story that could have used a punch of some kind to wrap it up.
Total 92
These were all some very good stories this time! I think the fact that the photo was so specific and special it made the stories more special and specific.
At any rate, I really had a good time reading these and the quality was excellent. I look forward to the next time!