pluto drops in to drop out

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have been extremely busy at work lately (I was at work for ten hours on Labor Day, fer cryin’ out loud!), which has cut back severely on my SDMB time. (Thanks for noticing!)

However, I’m dropping in to seek sympathy and love as I am going to have some minor outpatient surgery the day after tomorrow (Thursday) and will be laid up for a week or so afterward.

Specifically, I will be having surgery (WARNING: TMI ALERT!) where I sit down! Middle age is so fun.

The doctor said I’ll be loopy from pain medication for a couple of days and that I should plan on being away from work for two weeks. I think he is being over-cautious – I figure it’ll be more like a week – but I’m a little concerned because what I do mostly at work is sit. Well, we’ll see.

Mrs. Pluto has been droning on about how men are such cry babies, yadda, yadda, yadda, ever since she found out about it, and has been trying to foist her legally obligated nursing duties off on other family members but to no avail. (They’re not stupid!) I, on the other hand, have been making mental and physical preparation for my ordeal, practicing suffering silently and biting my lip, not saying a word even though the pain is incredible.

I have been remarkably fortunate in my life and have never been hospitalized, or had surgery, or even a broken bone. I have also never been on pain medication. Mrs. Pluto seems to take great delight in this. As many of you know I am a teetotaler, have never touched a drop, and Mrs. P. seems to think it will be great fun when Mr. “I’m In Control” goes head to head with Darvocet. I predict no change whatsoever in my behavior. She is betting the other way and has borrowed a video camera to record the experiment.

So, as you can see, I’m not getting too much sympathy on the home front so I have to turn to the Teeming Millions for kind words to get me through this difficult time.

Humorous sidenote: When the doctor’s assistant was getting the paperwork ready for my surgery she mentioned that their office has been commended by the hospital for having well-prepared patients. She says she tells them it’s because they’re “anal” about these things.

2

Surgery on your chair? Poor chair… :smiley:

3

Ugghh, I was too. You can always do what I did and quit. :wink:
Well, good luck on the ass-ectomy Pluto.

4

You have my sympathy, pluto. That’s a real…BUMmer.

5

I groan in your general direction, MysterE!

Pluto-

Sorry you have to go through this, it can’t be much fun. I am sure Mrs. Pluto will pull through with the sympathy when you are actually out of surgery. In the meantime, you have mine! :frowning:

If you haven’t already, when you are feeling better email me about a possible Seattle Dopefest. I have a new email account and am having some trouble with it, but the powers that be assure me that any mail received will still be there when I can finally get in. Check Auntie Pam’s Seattle thread, some other people have indicated they want to attend, also. scotticher@netzero.com

Scotti

6

Sorry for your troubles, Pluto. Maybe you can get one of those padded ring cushions so you can sit in comfort.

Don’t accept lack of sympathy from your nearest and dearest! Live up to your namesake (Pluto the Dog, right?): don’t whine but just droop around; look at your wife with big, unhappy eyes–pretty soon she’ll be busting a gusset running out to get your favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry’s, etc.

You aren’t middle aged, you’re just getting some routine maintenance done on your exhaust system.

Hang in there.

Veb

7

Luck, pluto.

8

I feel your pain, man. Women don’t understand that men have a different kind of pain when we get really hurt or sick. To them, a flu is no big deal, but we’re on our death beds. A cold or flu for us is much worse than for them and the quicker they understand that man-pain and man-sick are far worse than they ever imagined, the better this world will be.

9

Break a…ummm…leg, pluto.

I’ve noticed you haven’t been posting half what you should be lately, and I’ve missed your input.

So. After an operation like that, in what position do you recuperate? Do they hang you upside down in a sling? Will you be able to read the boards and post with all the blood rushing to your head?

10

Yeah, his barca lounger is being re-upoulstered.

(another great comeback destroyed by bad speling )

11

[strained voice]Must…control…fist…of…death…must…control…[/strained voice]

12

Well, don’t aske me for a second opinion. I don’t do man butt issues. Do you get one of those cool maternity pillows now? Best of luck and a speedy recovery.

13

Thanks for the support. However…

Those of you who are suggesting that, when it gets right down to it, Mrs. Pluto will suddenly transmogrify into some sort of sympathetic creature are, unfortunately, mistaken. I know this woman. I know what’s in store for me, and I’m confident that having to listen to her complain about having to take care of me will be the worst part of the whole thing. That’s why I am practicing stoicism, because taking a little pain now will be better than listening to endless, escalating repetitions of tales of her sacrifice and my feigned helplessness.

I did ask her to write “This Side UP!” on my backside with a felt-tip pen to assist the surgeon but she refuses to cooperate. Maybe if I give in to her ridiculous notion that she doesn’t have to be right by my side waiting to carry out my next request she’ll be more tractable.

Regarding the man-woman pain thing: I think this is a perception problem. What women don’t realize is that men don’t complain until the pain is truly excruciating. So of course their complaints seem more emphatic. It’s just that men don’t bother to mention minor pains, where women don’t mind bringing up every little ache and twinge. Then, when a man mentions “a little cramp”, women are reminded of what they call a little cramp and dismiss the man’s complaint as trivial. They don’t understand that he is grossly understating the pain, by their standards, and that he is actually close to incapacitation and surviving on sheer will power and fortitude.

I hope that clarifies things for everyone.

Scotti – I’ll take steps to organize and/or assist at a Pacific NW DopeFest as soon as I am back on my feet (so to speak). I’ll e-mail you in a week of so.

Ike – I’m assuming I’ll be horizontal, and prone rather than supine. But I am not ruling out buying some of those gravity boots, if necessary.

14

Be sure to post to the SDMB while you’re hepped up on goofballs. It should make for some interesting reading. :slight_smile:

15

Oooooh, poor widdle baby, I’ll try to keep this in mind the next time my menstrual cramps feel like they are ripping my lower body in half with that dull butter knife.

:wink:

Speedy recovery!

16

And then you can put it where it’ll do the most good.

I feel for you, bro; I had that surgery in 88, and it was miserable. They didn’t prep me properly, and then I couldn’t pee for ten days post surg. (catheters are our friends).

Tell’em forget the Darvocet; you want Tylox. Wonderful little red capsules; first they kill the pain ,then they make you happy.

Best of luck to you!