I voted for the “pig” because none of the categories fit me. I’m a married woman and the sole breadwinner and have been for years.
That said - even if he were to get a good job now, I’d never quit my job. I respect the hell out of women who do the SAHM thing and run their households efficiently - I would NOT be good at it, at all.
If we manage to successfully procreate, my husband will quit his job to stay home with the child indefinitely (we want to homeschool for at least elementary school). I will admit, I am sort of proud of us that we’ve managed our life in such a way that that is possible–though more through not spending than through me making a lot of money.
I can see someone feeling uncomfortable with the idea that both people need to work, if for no other reason than it is a much more financially fragile position that being able to live on either salary in a pinch. I didn’t realize how much my shaky finances weighed on me until we got them in order and started living on just my income (as long term proof-of-concept so that we know we can live if/when he quits his job). Getting to where one of our incomes was superfluous added a whole level of security to our lives.
Male European, late 40s here. And I don’t understand the question. Really.
My wife needs to work (outside the home, that is) but not primarily for economic reasons. Of course, double income is very, very nice, but the main reason is that she’d probably go postal if she were <insert current PC expression for at-home spouse here> for the rest of her life. We met in college, and frankly I would never expect her to stay at home and take care of the kids and the household. Even toying with the idea of asking her to stay at home and take care of the children would be a massive intrusion in her personal ambitions. Likewise, she would never ask me to end my professional career to stay at home. As two adults of (fairly) equal status, both with an education and a professional career, this is the only sensible way to see things.
And for her to earn more than I do: Yes, please. Pretty please with sugar on. Being publicly employed, my opportunities for salary increases are notably less than hers. If she earned more than I do, that’d only signify a higher disposable income for the whole family.
My husband teases (only half-teasing, I think…) that he’d love for me to make boatloads of money and have him as a “kept” house-husband. 
I get “aw, I don’t wanna work” feelings, but really, staying at home is freaking boring. I was unemployed for a few months a number of years ago and was going stir-crazy; we were doing fine on my accumulated vacation time payout, so it wasn’t money worries. I suspect that if I didn’t have a career, I could do a whole lot of volunteer work instead, but I doubt I’d get to use my brain as much.
The times I wish I didn’t have to work, it’s not because I’m someone’s wife. It’s because sometimes my job just sucks. So, I chose that I never think about it (not working)- in the context on being inappropriate because I’m married. I often fantasize about not working!
My first husband, before we were married made a big deal about how we’d both work just until we had kids, and then I would stay home with them, that I wouldn’t have to work. Then he quit his job (with no tnotice and without discussing it with me) when I was 2 months pregnant, glued his ass to the couch and never held another job for more than six weeks the rest of the time we were married. I’d never had an expectation that I’d never work. If I was writing the script I would have been able to stay home with my son a longer than the allowed six weeks, and then gone back to work part time. I’d call it a twinge of sadness rather than guilt or regret. I’d feel a lot more guilty if I’d NOT worked then and we’d had to move in with my in-laws.
My mom was married and did not work until she and my dad divorced when I was six. I read here and other places that there are wives who get big fat settlments, and alimony beyond generous child support. Apparently women in my family don’t marry those guys. Neither my mom nor I got any of that. To be fair, I’ve had to chase my ex less for child support, but the support order he has to pay is lower than the one written for my dad in 1974. I never grew up thinking I’d be a stay at home mom. My mom married at 18 with the expectation that she would be a stay at home wife and mother. She only completed one semseter of college, and had no work experience other than a summer at a pool snack bar when the rug got yanked from under her and she waws thrust into the work world with no skills or training. (Yes, she had skills, but not many that translated into lucrative employment.) She had put a lot of effort into being a really good stay at home wife and mother. I think she did resent that she had to make that shift so abruptly, and wishes she’d planned differently. But she has said that if my dad had been hit by a bus and killed rather than splitting she would have had to do the same thing. The point of that conversation was to say we should be at the very least aware that your circumstances can change quickly.
Anyway, the most influential woman in my upbringing (sorry mom) was my grandmother, who worked full time for all of her adult years except for when her kids were little, and she absolutely did not have to, which made her a bit of an anomaly. She was a legal secretary, and apparently a good one. She was past retirement age when she died. If she were still alive I suspect she’d still be working at least part time.
I wish my wife would work so that she’d make friends and stop complaining about how damned bored she is at home all day. Her earning potential is even about double my own.
Male, 49.
My wife has worked since before we met over 20 years ago, and no, I don’t think about it.
My mother, on the other hand, was a housewife and mother. The thought of her working never occurred to my father.
I’m a woman, age 30, with lots of complicated feelings about what’s currently expected of women. The way I was raised, the woman is a breadwinner of equal status with the man, but is STILL the one who has to be pregnant, breastfeed the infants, and do a lot of the childcare and food prep in the household. It sucked for my mom and it sucked for me, when I was growing up…
I do assume, absolutely, that it’s my job in the household to bring in income. Unless I’m caring for small children (until they go to all-day school, basically). If I had to work while the kids were small, I would regret it.
I want us to be rich so neither of us would have to work. There’s not an option for that.
Married male, early 30s.
Part of me would like to be a position where my wife could stay home and look after children (if that’s what we both wanted).
We could do that now but we’d have to adjust our expectations re. homes and so on.
As it stands my wife will soon qualify as a medical doctor, so she’s really keen to work. I have no problem whatsoever with it, and view it as old-fashioned to object from a male ego point-of-view.
But I wouldn’t resent it if she wanted to stay home with the kids while I went out to work, as long as we’d both discussed it.
My fantasy about not working always includes the wonderous deposit of large quantities of cash so my husband and I can travel together. It’s never been about him earning enough so I could stay home alone.
I’d be thrilled if I didn’t have to go to work anymore. I was unemployed for about 7 months this year and, aside from the stress of looking for and not finding a job, it was great. Enough time to take care of our home, work on hobbies, spend time with my SO who works from home and not have a set schedule to work around? Awesome. He was happy to have me around, too, but the reality is we can’t afford that right now.
The hardest part of a situation like that was feeling like I wasn’t contributing. I was, but it took a few months to shake the feeling that bringing in money was the only way to contribute equally.
I think a man should only feel regretful if his wife is taking on the burden of the home/kids AND working a full-time job. In which case the husband should get off his duff and start helping out more around the house. Otherwise, we’re women, we’re capable, and we don’t need to be coddled.
Funny, am I the only one who’s often wished I made enough money so he didn’t have to work? I would be perfectly happy with him at home, cooking wonderful meals for me, and enjoying himself, and planning fun things for us to do, and vacations and whatnot. I never dreamed I wouldn’t be working. What would I do all the time? Even if I didn’t have to work I’d have to do something, volunteer, or anything.
46: work full-time outside the home. Hubby is caregiver for his mom and has bee a stay-at-home dad since the kids were born. I missed out on a couple of things, but I’m glad that he was the one that got to experience them. Do I feel guilty? Not really. Even though I love my children dearly, my husband is much better with them than I on a long-term basis. Working is my strength, and I have a job that I truly love. I wish stay-at-home dads got more respect. With everything that he does for the kids and his mom, he works harder than I do.
I feel claustrophobic at the very idea of that sort of dependence. I was the sole breadwinner for 11 years of marriage, and while that put a lot of stress and constraints on me, I would choose it over the reverse.
+1. Both of us working part-time with tons of time & money for travel would be awesome.
Male, 56. My wife and I each make enough that we could live off one paycheck if we had to. But aside from some FMLA leave after bringing the Firebug home from Russia, we’ve both either worked or gone to grad school full time the whole 22 years we’ve known each other. I was finishing up my doctorate while she taught full time during the first two years of our marriage, so she was the primary breadwinner during those years.
The idea of not having a career, at least between now and the time when the retirement account is sufficiently flush, doesn’t compute for either of us.
Same.
I’d never want or expect someone to take care of me economically. It wouldn’t occur to me to want to be in that position. However, I’m not at all opposed to winning the lottery so my hypothetical spouse and I could both walk away from our jobs and travel around the world.