Not a pleasant word in any context and, not being black, it doesn’t affect me personally but I do think it’s damned distasteful. If black folk want to use it toward each other, that’s their business; it’s certainly no one else’s business what goes on in others’ conversations.
In the context of speaking about it, such as quoting or reporting, no big deal; in that case it’s just a word. I know the OP doesn’t want opinions on the phrase “the N word”. Fair enough; in the case of newscasters and the like, why can’t they just use the term “racial slur”?
IMHO, the N-word’s offensiveness has to do with how and for what purpose it is used.
During the Travyon Martin trial, for instance, one of the attorneys was questioning a witness and said, during the trial (if I recall right): “Now, pardon my language, but you said that someone else said the word ‘nigger,’ is that correct?” (not “N-word” but instead pronouncing the entire word) Nobody seemed offended.
Not black, didn’t vote in the poll. In spite of my upbringing it’s a word, maybe the only word, that I’ve worked out of my vocabulary. Growing up I heard it used all the time as a dehumanizer–there were people, and there were niggers. Some of my more woke family amended that to there’s whites, blacks, and niggers. So in my mind it’s a loaded word with very little value except as a, well, just call it a N-bomb. That said, I don’t feel like I have any right to tell people what to be offended by.
But there is a phenomenon I’d like correlated. My (white) kids have all sorts of friends, various skin tones, national origins, rednecks, etc. Pretty diverse crowd, actually. My kids and their friends are very sensitive to the stereotypes and epithets applicable to each other, and they seem to try & outdo each other in their offensiveness. Nigger is not the worst I’ve heard. There’s even one guy from Palestine they’ve nicknamed ‘Camel Fucker.’ These kids (ages 16-19) are all very close and I have no doubt their loyalty to each other is rock solid, but listening to them talk to each other just makes my teeth itch. But it seems they know the difference between a joke and an insult, so they got that going for them. Has anyone else noticed this sort of thing?
My former boyfriend is English and we spent most of our time with his expat friends. Everybody was mick or jock or taffy or bog hopper or mexi or paki or any number of ethnicity related names. They used them toward one another as well as well as friends who weren’t present. It took me a while to not automatically bristle at the sound of it but I realized that’s just how it is between them and presumably how it was in the different places they came from.
I think this is true of any group of close friends, certainly true of mine and especially when teenagers. You call each other the most horrific and offensive things imaginable as a sign of affection. The more offensive a word is claimed to be, the more likely you are going to use it with your friends. Quite right too. Such groups can use whatever language they like.