My two step-daughters have moved out of our house to their own dwellings, and they still have keys to our house. When they come over, they just walk in. This upsets my wife, and she told them to knock or ring the doorbell before entering the house, as they no longer live there. They both seemed to resent this.
I don’t remember specifically what I used to do when I went to my parents’ house or whether or not they asked me to knock first, but I am interested in what Dopers feel about this.
Poll:
If you have grown children, do you ask them to knock before entering the house? Do they still have keys to your house?
If you are an adult child, do you knock before entering your parents’ house? If they asked you to knock, did you resent it or did you feel it was a reasonable request? Do you still have a key?
Does it make a difference if the parent and child live in different towns?
Once I moved out of my parents house, that was no longer my house. No, I didn’t keep the key, and returned it. And I would never dream of walking in on them. They never would have even had to ask me, and they didn’t.
Ask your adult children how they would feel if YOU started walking in their house without any warning.
I’m a fresh out of college adult, but I’m staying with my parents for another month until my new job starts, so I guess I don’t totally count for this survey. Luckily, I have three older sisters who do not live with my parents. All of them knock because none of them can manage to not lose house keys. If they still had their keys though, they’d be welcome to use them if they were expected to be coming over. For instance, if my sister in Philly was planning a trip home, she’d be okay to just come on in when she got here. If my sister who lives in the same neighborhood was just stopping by to say hi, unplanned, she would probably knock/ring the doorbell if the door was closed (we keep the back door, where we all enter/exit from open most of the time with just the glass door in place) on the off chance that my parents weren’t decent. Honestly though, if nobody answered, she’d probably just come on in anyways. You can’t really hear the doorbell from the bedrooms. She’d be shouting who she was and not to shoot her (mostly in jest) as she wandered back into that area of the house. So, she’d give as much warning of her presence as she was able to.
So, to answer your question, yes and no, but I’m not really in the right spot in my life to answer either question. Helpful, aren’t I? My parents have made it very clear though, this is still our home no matter what. They don’t necessarily want all four daughters and the two son-in-laws moving in with them, but we’re still welcome to visit whenever we want.
I have a key to my dad’s house. I only use it if I know he’s not there. I’m someone who really hates the “pop-in” and I rarely do it, even to my own dad. 99% of the time, he knows when I’m coming. If I do show up unannounced for some reason (and it would be a quick stop to pick up or drop off something…not for a visit), I usually have to wait for him to answer the locked door. Occasionally, and if it’s unlocked, I’ve tapped on the door and opened it, stuck my head in and gave a hearty “Heellllloooooooo!”
Neither I or any of my siblings knock unless our arms are full of stuff and we can’t manage the door, and I think my parents would look at us like we’re nuts if we did. As for the reverse, they’re family. I don’t expect them to knock any more than I expect my sister or my best friend to.
I have a key to Mom’s. Until now when I went back to the old town, I stayed there. Neither me nor my brothers knock, we all have keys and often go there to care for things if she’s out of town. Since the second lock is never used when someone is in, if we find it off we’ll call out as we enter.
Yesterday my grandparents moved in with her (temporarily… we’ll see). That leaves their Barcelona flat empty and there’s only two sets of keys. One set of keys is at Mom’s in Grandma’s purse; the other, my cousin who lives in Barcelona has it. Grandmother used to ask us to ring from the street (they’d ring us open and open the door upstairs as well), but for the last few years they’ve been so deaf that it was causing serious trouble. My other cousin went to visit a few months ago and they weren’t answering either the bell or the phone; he finally called his sister and she went with the keys. Turns out the Oldsters simply hadn’t heard (she was still asleep at 1pm, he had his hearing aid off). So for the last few years if we have a key we just use it.
Now that the Oldsters are at Mom’s, there’s no room for me, so when I go I’ll be staying with my unmarried brother. That means that the protocol for next time is: go to Mom’s, pick up Bro’s keys from the place where Mom will have placed them in advance, close up again, go to Bro’s. At the time the train arrives, neither is available to pick me up and I’m not going to be waiting for hours until someone can kindly come open!
Mom has already started the work to convince Grandma to make a third set of keys so I can stay at their place when I go via Barcelona without having to bother my cousin (I’d still let her know when I’ll be in, so she doesn’t think there’s ghosts and maybe we can get together for coffee). There’s nobody in the house right now, so I need to be able to let myself in. I didn’t stay there when they lived there (both due to problems with the times at which I arrive/leave and because I’ll never be comfortable around Grandpa).
If we don’t want someone to be able to key themselves in, we don’t give them a key.
Mom and my brothers have keys to the apartment I own in a third Spanish town. I have no problem with them going in, even using it for themselves or friends when I’m not around, so long as they don’t reorder things (Mom has been known to “organize” both my kitchen and my closets, underwear included).
If I am “staying” at my parent’s house I don’t knock, but when I first get there, I do. Though usually they will see me pull up and meet me at the door. But I haven’t lived in the same town at the same time as my parents since I was 18: no idea what the protocol would be there.
Oh hell yes. Knock and wait for an acknowledgement before coming in. What’s the point of getting your kids out of the house if you can’t then safely have sex in the foyer?
Seriously though, I’m not a fan of unannounced visitors, and I don’t care who they are. My family and friends are welcome to just walk in,* if they called first*. If not, they can knock and wait for me to let them in.
My immediate family all have keys to each others houses, but I think it’s just polite to at the very least shout “Hello, it’s me” as you go through the front door.
I’ve been out of my parents house for years now. I have a key but I’m an only child and even though its never been brought up, I think I’d tell them I want to keep the key in case something were to happen. I wouldn’t want to be unable to get in should some neighbor call to tell me there was something wrong. My parents are in their late 50s (and extremly healthy) so its unlikely but makes me more comfortable.
I am at their house once a week or so for dinner or something. However, they ALWAYS know I’m on my way. Even if I’m going to stop by I’ll call on my cell phone before I appear, even if its from a block away. I will say, this is partially for my own mental health. My parents have been known to be caught in AHEM compromising positions i.e. they’re still obsessed with each other and are unable to keep their loving paws to themselves.
When I moved out of my Grandma’s the keys were returned. I only have keys to my own place, and though my Mom has keys to her sister’s house the only time we use them is if we are expected for dinner and they stepped out/are running behind from wherever they had gone earlier in the day or if we are checking on the plants while they are away on vacation.
Otherwise, we knock first before we open the door (again, we are usually expected and we can see them in the kitchen or living room) or if we are unexpected we knock and wait as with anyone else.
My folks gave me a key and told me to NOT knock, but to just come in. I’m not totally comfortable with that, though I don’t make unannounced visits anyway.
They have a key to my apartment, and they don’t just walk in. Really the only people that can just waltz in are people that’re staying with me for a few days, or living here.
Of his four kids, I’m the only one who lives in the same town as my dad. I always knock, even though the only times I go to his house are when I’ve been invited and therefore am expected. When he stops by my place, he goes so far as to call on his way over. We both hate surprise visitors.
I don’t know for sure, but I’d be surprised if my sibs knocked first as long as they were expected. My sis and I recently visited our out-of-state grandparents for the first time in a couple of years, and she walked right in their front door like she’d just got back from running errands. I was embarrassed.
I generally knock and then just come in (it saves them stopping what they are doing), but I do not come over unless I’ve called first or they’re otherwise expecting me. If I stopped in unannounced for some reason, I’d knock and wait.
In my family, one quick knock and walk in with an “Heellooo” This includes all our homes, parent’s and sibling’s. One person’s house is everyone else’s home. But I think we are closer than most families.
I agree with this. Once the person is in the house, they’re free to make themselves at home (get a drink out of the fridge, use the phone, or whatever), but I’d like a little more warning, than just having someone walk right in unannoucned.
I have a key to my parents’ apartment, but I always knock before coming in. Just a way of letting them know that someone who is normally not expected to be in their house is going to be there.
I absolutely don’t knock when entering my parents’ house, and I still have a key. If the door is locked and they’re at home, I just unlock it and walk in. That’s the house I grew up in, and part of me thinks it’s still my house. They always just seem happy to see me and not bothered by it, so I see no reason to stop.