The big surprise will be… that there ISN’T any big surprise. There won’t be any big news or major changes on the Iraq or economic front between now and Election Day.
AND… there will be a clear cut winner. I don’t know who it will be, but SOMEONE will have a solid, legitimate and undeniable majority of electoral votes. Lawyers for the other side will have nothing to sue over.
I for one doubt that either Osama or the WMDs will be pulled out of the magic hat between now and election day. Even some solid Bush supporters would be suspicious about that.
Now here’s what will happen: some government agency will issue a press release saying that they’ve done an official study showing that the Bush Administration did a good job of preparing for the occupation, and/or that significant progress is being made against the insurgency. The report itself won’t be released until after the election, so it won’t be possible for anyone to check the details.
Friday afternoon, Matt drudge breaks a “shocking” report from “highly reliable sources” that John Kerry has been receiving millions in campaign money and other support from Al Qaeda terrorists. “The terrorists want Bush to lose,” blab blab blab.
The claim will eventually be proven false, but not before November 3rd.
A woman, dead and buried for over 9 months, will give birth to a healthy baby. The baby’s cries from the grave will be heard by a kindly, old caretaker who has to excavate the grave himself because everyone thinks he’s an eccentric dingbat. Investigators will discover that a necrophile embalmer had sex with the woman’s corpse at the mortuary. While the woman was well and truely dead, in a fluke of physiology the likes of which have never been seen before, one of her her eggs was still viable when the sperm made contact. Scientists will not be completely sure how the fetus managed to obtain nutrients or a blood supply during the pregnancy. They will speculate that circulation was carried out in the fetus by CPR like motions caused by the movement of maggots swarming around the dead body. The baby will be adopted by it’s maternal grandparents and named after it’s mother - Stiffyknee Rottem. But not until after the election.
I admit it. I was expecting something. But time is running out. Although this administration has appeared rather crass in some of their actions, I’m kinda doubting they’re going to pull anything. The timing is a little past.
This is the most “doable” of the surprises they could pull, and the most certain to sway the electorate for that crucial couple of days. Still, the risk is HUGE and although I don’t think it would be beyond Rove, Cheney, Rumsfield or their neo-con masters to do it, I don’t know if Dubya himself would go for it. Not that he’d have a clue if they kept it from him.
A very risky scenario – if they’re caught, they AND the Republican Party goes out the window, maybe for good – but with pollsters like Zogby now willing to call the election for Kerry, they could be thinking real hard about it. It’ll happen over the weekend, it it happens at all.