Partly inspired by this thread, in which a saleslady pointed out to a young Doper where he could find the self-help-books. Only, that’s not what he was going to ask her.
So, you see someone you don’t know reading a selfhelp book. Something middle of the road, like the books recommended on Ophrah. What do you think about that person? I will add my own two cents later, but I don’t want to influence the poll.
Please indicate when answering if you are male or female.
Shouldn’t this be actually a poll? How can you tab the results - or allow visitors to quickly see the counts?
Male - I think there is a stigma with self-help books, especially with ones that come across as far more indulgent than they should be. I have read my share, but tend to do so at home, in private - if I have taken the time to get one, I mark them up a lot and don’t treat them like a casual read, anyway…
Also, Oprah books are seldom “middle of the road”. Or, perhaps I’m defensive lately because her last book was “The Road” (which I’ve tried to tout here at the Dope every chance I get) – nothing light weight about it.
However, it’s funny because I read "The Road’ months ago, but my wife just started it a few week ago. While she was reading it, Oprah named it a book club book and my wife. . .well, in as much as she gave a shit (which isn’t much), she was like “ugh, people are going to think I’m reading the Oprah book.”
I figure anyone reading a self-help book has more gumption than I have about changing their lives.
Here’s the trick about reading self-help books – you can’t jsut read it once and expect your life to change. You have to read it over and over and over again.
I think it’s a good thing. Possibly they’re trying to help themselves a bit.
The only self-help book I’ve ever read was one I also desperately needed (Toxic Parents: Overcoming their hurtful legacy) so I am probably biased.
I don’t think you should judge people for it. It’s like making fun of the fat girl who is jogging. Chances are she’s less likely to go jogging again tomorrow.
I probably wouldn’t assume that the person reading the book was a therapist–though I can see where Shoshana is coming from. But I wouldn’t assume that the person reading the book neccessarily needed the kind of self-help the book promoted, either. And I wouldn’t assume that the person reading a self-help book did have the gumption to change his or her life, as opposed to being someone who was postponing really dealing with problems by reading about how to deal with the problems. I might be curious as to why someone was reading a book–especially one titled as provocatively as Toxic Parents–but I wouldn’t assume that someone reading such a book had Toxic Parents. Too many other reasons why they might find a book with that title desirable to read.
I don’t know that I would give it much thought at all. “Book! Book good. Ah, self-help book.”
Personally, I’m always picking up various advice books from the library just to see what they say. I have recently glanced through ones on how to get along with your horrible mother (my mom and I are good friends), how to divorce amicably (I am very happily married), and how to deal with awful co-workers (I’m a SAHM).
OTOH, when I had a boss with whom I happened to share an apartment (we were on location) and all she had were self-help books, I thought she was weird. She thought I was weird for buying novels. The one who later got fired after the company discovered she’d lied in her resume and was a useless git was her…
The only person I’ve ever consciously noted, reading a self-help book, is my mom, and she is one of the most self-assured, spiritual and stable people I know. I tend to believe that anyone making the effort to read such a book (in effort to actually help themselves, anyway) has the intelligence to not dismiss its ideas and will take the book seriously, the first step towards it actually helping them. They’re smart enough to seek help somehow, which in mind, is better than not at all.
If they’re reading any variety of a fad pseudo-medicine book (“secret cures THEY don’t want you to know about”) or generic religious motivation (“your best life now”), I’ll probably scoff. But if it’s something like dealing with depression, anger or money management (except WIN BILLIONS WITH NO EFFORT!), I don’t really think twice about it.
People have been reading scripture as a form of self-help for thousands of years. The vast majority of stuff that’s written about self-help revolves around spirituality and are simply retreads of stuff that was written about centuries ago. People these days just need religion repackaged for them with a corn syrup coating so that it doesn’t taste like religion.
Either way, there’s nothing wrong with reading self-help books. If people take it upon themselves to nurture their faith and confidence, more power to them. I think the judgment call the OP refers to has more to do with the judgment you make about the person based on their appearance, rather than on their book. If you see someone who, on the surface, might appear like they could use the help, then you might pity them and wonder how much progress they could ever make. You might also see someone who is really attractive and well-dressed and wonder why they’d need any help at all. I don’t know how much the book has to do with judging them, unless the book title really is something that’s just off-the-wall nutty.
I have nothing but respect for anyone wanting to improve themselves. Not everybody makes progress in that regard. I’ve read a variety of things that could be considered self-help on a variety of topics over the years and like Sunrazor said, it’s not a matter of reading just once, but over and over again to reinforce it in your mind and affect change in the way you see things.
Great, a topic like this comes along just when I’m about to ask for some good self-help book recommendations. Now I’m all self conscious about it and I probably won’t ask for it…
The first thing any good self-help book will tell you is that other people’s opinions of you don’t matter, so you shouldn’t care if all your friends and everyone on SDMB thinks you’re a big loser.