I don’t like any *“ricers”. But its one thing to buy a brand new Civic and put shiny wheels that stick a foot outside the body of the car, a huge wing and a coffee can exhaust pipe. It’s another thing completely to put a silly rubber wing on the back of a rusty ’86 Sentra. Do you have any idea how stupid you look? Hell, even “ricers” that don’t work at Taco Bell find you amusing. Your glow sticks hanging from your broken rearview mirror look pretty stupid too. Not to mention the actual coffee can you duct taped to your muffler or “Car and Driver” wheel covers you got from Target. Yes I’m sure your crank addicted girlfriend finds it cool. And your night shift boss at Arby’s is just a little jealous. But come on man, use that money to buy desitin for one of your kids. I’m sure your couch could be replaced with one you could get at the dump store. Instead of spending the 30$ on rust-o-leum to repaint your car, you could buy nicer diapers. Or you could just buy a clue. You need one. You know that cutting your springs is not only stupid, it’s dangerous to. You do not impress anyone else. You are a wanker and I’m the guy that laughs at you as I pass you. I know this won’t help, but it feels good to get it off my chest. Thank you for allowing me to vent. Re-reading my rant I see how pathetic it is. I apologize. (Spelling and grammar checked by Word’s Spell checker)
*ricer: NOT A DEROGATORY TERM!! A name used by non-ricers to describe the people that drive cars covered in 30 pounds of stickers (usually with 1 foot tall lettering displaying an ad for NEUSPEED or KONI or some other reputable tuner), a speed bump scraping lowering job, a LARGE exhaust pipe, clear taillights, strange colored turn signals (blue or green usually), other assorted odd lights, a “thumping” sound coming from the car and the “gansta lean” being done by a middle class white boy. They look fast but are usually disturbingly slow. This can be done to ANY car, but it’s usually Honda’s and Acura’s.
And I thought it was going to be a rant about low-quality kitchen gadgets, specifically potato ricers (which, for the uninformed, are gadgets like giant garlic presses that force a cooked potato through a bunch of tiny holes - the extruded potato looks like rice, hence the name).
“Finally,” I thought, "a rant I can really sink my teeth into. Sigh - culinary curmudgeons are hard to come by.
We’ve got 'em in South Carolina. The most ridiculous? I’ve seen several 4x4 Geo Trackers lowered to the ground, neon, and the sticky-outie dubs.
Tell me, what’s the point of a 4x4 that sits about six inches off the ground?
Oh, yeah, and I’d put this in sub if I remembered how to do it or felt like looking it up: there ain’t no such thing as a cool rice burner. They all look crappy, rich or poor, and they’re the automotive equivalent of pierced nipples/foreskins/etc.
Pictures speak much more clearly than my words can.
(Here where I’m at, we don’t have many ricers: mostly pimp-boyz. You know the type… there’s one around here thats an old ‘woody’ style station wagon, painted a deep metallic purple with dark rainbow-shimmery tinting on the windows, and gold colored chrome and wheel rims, etc.)
<< Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good dipped in chocolate. >>
I didnt even think to make links. http://www.riceboypage.com
Been there many times, but not for awhile. But beaterz was a new one to me. The Miata with the Porsche lights and tail fins is great. People are sick.
dead0man
Why are you picking on some poor slobs trying to pimp up their rides? Not everyone wants to spend half their income on insurance for a “hot” car and live in their mother’s basement or a trailer just to be able to afford the latest performance tweak for their monster machine.
It’s been worse since The Fast and The Furious came out.
Since then, I’ve seen dozens of Honda Civics that all have the EXACT same body kits, or parts of body kits, installed. You can only tell them apart by the various shades of primer they are spackled with. That and the different exhaust tips that are welded to the factory mufflers.
All show, no go. Pull up to a light, and there they are, all pimpz0red out, fart cans firing on full, ready to go. I like to wave goodbye to them in my rearview.
I thought you were talking about Japanese motorcycles. I’d take a Kawasaki over a Harley any day. I come from the home of lowriders, and I have to say I miss the big old '50s/'60s American Impalas and Buicks. A Honda Civic or a compact lowrider truck just don’t make it for me.
Jill
My brother bought a 2002 Subaru Impreza WRX and we’ve built a “sleeper”. It looks bone stock, but it’s so much faster than stock. We love to demolish rice on the streets.
As a member of the ‘import tuner’ community (I am not an authority, mind you), I see it this way: If the part makes your car perform better, go with it. If it’s plastic, chrome, shiny or otherwise, and serves no other funtion, it’s crap. I’m not saying that all cosmetic changes are crap, but they should be subtle.
The only point of a larger exhaust is that it flows better, creating a little bit more power. Many import enthusiasts have been known to stay with smaller (14-15") wheels since they have lower rotating mass than larger ones.
I think the ugliest stuff comes when someone tries to take an inherently crappy/old car and put something like that on it. I’ve seen a million old crappy hyundai’s and 10 year old celicas with FAKE chrome wheels–the type where you can see the ugly brown steel wheels underneath! Also culprits are those huge chrome sticker sheets stuck along the bottom kick panel, and the horribly ugly “Altezza” lights (aka euro-clear, the type that are all chrome/clear with huge red center).
Basically, most of us see the futility in trying to make an old beater look “high performance”. Those who know better know that when it comes down to it, the performance is what counts. I’ve driven more than my share of beaters, and while it sucks to drive a POS, you should accept that your POS is a POS and not try to fool anyone into thinking otherwise.
Wheels only help your car if you follow the proper aspect ratios and such. The WRX will be going up to 17s soon, because the brake package requires it. THe badges will be stripped of their chrome soon…
I had a conversation with some rice kiddie selling a WRX on Ebay yesterday. He had 10 neon bulbs! Ugly 20 inch rims and shit. He’d changed the intake and exhaust…for the sound only, not performance. He had a Bitz Atmospheric blowoff(anyone who knows about these knows they’re lame and are so loud to be ridiculous). And he had the nerve to tell me that when we made some “real” mods to come back and talk to him!
Exhaust only helps to a point and putting a “coffee can” or a “melon shooter” on your car will only hurt with the lack of backpressure.
You gotta love that whole “import tuner” thing. I am sorry, but the idea of adding acres of body cladding and huge wings does not make your car look racy, a factory example of this would be the stunningly beautiful Pontiac Aztek. It is the same basic idea, wings and ground effects on something that really shouldn’t have it.
Those fart pipes are annoying too, I can understand a subtle, sporty sound, heck, I am getting an exhaust done on my Olds Aurora, but no fart pipe. I simply want that subtle v-8 rumble to be audible, not completely silent. I would understand if people wanted to actually make their cars handle better, but looking at what some people do is just retarded. One of my neighbors has a 99 Nissan Sentra, with 12" gold dayton wire wheels, offset out of the wheelwells. What a thing of beauty, I always wondered what a rollerskate with doors would look like.
I can’t help but feel bad for these people, especially when their riced up civic gets beaten by an Oldsmobile.
You wanna see alot of these cars? Go to any military base. I swear military installations and their surrounding communities must have 80% of all ugly cars currently in existance (my pop was in the Army for 22 years)! These cars look like a Pep Boys exploded all over them!
I’d imagine that a stock WRX would be pretty fast already. Most of the ricers in Seattle are Civic hatchbacks - they’re not exactly speed demons, are they? In Kansas it was Ford Tauruses and compact pickups dropped to within a half inch of the ground. Good thing there were no hills. Rollerskate wheels and lots of Bondo: very classy.
I was stuck behing one of those damn cars last weekend in my parking lot. They take a minute to make it over each speed bump. Macro Man* was right about the military base connection. The army base by where live has a lot where people can sell their used cars. You see quite a few interesting specimens there. And around here “Truck ricers” seem to have really caught on…yeech.
According to RiceBoyPage, and most members in the auto community, riceboys are not those who add turbochargers and performance suspension and such. They are people who put 18" wheels on their Civics (which slow them down), or dual 4" exhaust tips on their tail-pipe (even putting a functional freeflowing exhaust is questionable), or 200lbs of fiberglass body kit, or triple-decker spoilers. These are things that have no positive performance effect (but they usually look like they should be), and in fact often serve to make the car even slower. The mocking comes from the way these kids in their Elantras think they’re the fastest thing on 4 wheels because of their neon blue spark plug wires and cut springs. It’s their delusional thinking that gets the laughs. Also their unusual sense of what’s cool looking.
I live in Hong Kong, where the “ricer” is alive and well, except they’re not called that. A friend of mine calls them “spazmobiles”, but I wouldn’t say it myself.
The HK variant is usually yellow, lime or purple and has the ridiculous wings, spoilers, fenders that come down to the ground, stickers and loud throbbing dance music - but also a Garfield or Hello Kitty in the rear window, and a pouting, humorless looking girl smoking menthol cigarettes and chatting on 2 cell phones simultaneously in the passenger seat.
Both occupants must have bleached hair and dark blue glasses. (What results when they breed???:eek: )
Uhhh living in a college town I feel your pain. All these kids having completely uncraptastic cars that are “pimped” out and look way groovy :rolleyes: They sound like a duck farting underwater. It’s ok though I’d pull up next to them and emberass the shit out of them when my Cavalier outruns them.
