So I’m a gunner on a very, very long space cruiser. Right now we’re chasing a small, not very fast spaceship. Should be a turkey shoot, but I keep missing. The commanding officer is having a fit! Yes, maybe I should’ve got some corrective eye-wear, but I’m doing my best, jesus! Like, I haven’t said a word about his ridiculous uniform.
AITA?
Your boss is surrounded by TA. PS: Shield the jewels (you’ll be sorry if you don’t)
My sister was killed by debris from a tornado. Before I could even get to her, this overly polite tornado survivor had taken the only thing I could remember my sister by - a pair of slippers. To make matters worse, a rival of mine is telling the girl not to give me the slippers and to make her way to another town where someone can send her home. I know my rival is lying; the girl can go back home anytime she wants. AITA for just wanting something to remember my sister by?
I’m in the minority on this, but I think NTA. Those slippers belonged to your late sister, and now that she’s dead, they’re rightfully your property.
Tee-hee!
Yesterday’s movie.
I befriended a nerdy kid. He wore taped up glasses, got beat up by bullies, etc. I drove him around, got him to get rid of his glasses, got him a girlfriend and defended him against his bullies. His girlfriend got jealous of me. I got beat up real bad by his bullies (I do heal quickly). I may have paid them back a little violently, but they attacked me first. Then his friends attached me and beat me almost to death. Maybe I’ll pay them back. If you don’t like it, shut your piehole.
AITA for treating a pool party like a buffet and reminding people that “open water” doesn’t mean open house?
I didn’t crash their barbecue. I didn’t belly flop into the potato salad. I was at home, minding my own business. Then wave after wave of strangers came barreling into my living room, splashing, flailing, acting like the cover charge was optional. Loud music, sunscreen slicking up the place. Total chaos.
And the nerve—they compare me to a lawyer? Please. At least I’m upfront about billing by the hour.
So yeah, I took a few bites. Suddenly I’m public enemy #1? Nah. Actions have consequences—especially when you cannonball into my foyer.
TL;DR: Their vacation, my buffet.
Yes, you are the Asshole. No doubt there are many more of you on the ship as well.
NTA, but you want to be careful… after eating so much so quickly, you might get a bad attack of gas.
I work for the Coca-Cola company. My job is to maintain all the vending machines on a large military base. I was making my rounds when I found one of the soldiers shot up one of the machines to steal the change from it. Am I… woah, what was that bright flash?
That’s pretty strange, but I love it, doc.
I was adopted and grew up always feeling different from other kids. Most of my family were redneck a-holes, especially my step-dad and step-uncle. My mom was the only cool one. When I turned 12 I found out my parents had lied to me about getting me from an adoption agency. I confronted my mom about it and she finally told me the truth. Naturally, I was pretty upset and did some things I’m not proud of. Eventually my absolute dick-of-a-step-dad found out and tried to shoot me in the head! I had to defend myself. Then my OWN MOM tried to STAB ME! I really lost my temper after that. AITA?
That made me smile like a sonuvabi….
All my life I hung around with my older brother, we traveled together, worked together, and when we came of age fought together for our families interests and ascendancy. Now, I’ve found out that I’m adopted and my father never planned to reward me as he promised. I now see that I was always in my brother’s shadow. AITA for trying to take for myself what should have been given? I didn’t even try to claim an even share, just enough to make my own home away from my adopted ‘family’.
I grew up poor in coastal Alabama. I had trouble making friends, and the only kid that liked me was this retard kid. Even though he was dumb as a box of chocolates, he had a kind heart. We were both unpopular, so we gravitated to each other.
As I got older, I wanted to experiment, make new friends, try new experiences, and mostly get far far away from Alabama, but he had this idea that we were a couple. Can you believe that? As if. He could barely read past Curious George. But even so, he would always help me if I was in trouble. He was like a puppy in love. Got me out of a couple jams. Seems to think we were in love. Yeah right.
Eventually I had enough of experimenting, and I needed to come home. That kid was still there! I felt sorry for him, so I gave him a quickie. Didn’t mean much. Probably the only time he even kissed a girl. Then I left, trying to find a better life.
Surprise of surprises, once was all it took. That simpleton done knocked me up.
Kid is growing up, and doctors say I got some new disease, they don’t know what. Say I could die. But guess what? Turns out somehow that that idiot has more money than Rockefeller. Go figure! So I’m going to contact him, going to convince the fool that I love him, and he can take care of me and my son, as long as necessary. I even named the little bastard after him, and he was named after the founder of the Klan! gag. Whatever it takes.
AITA?
(it’s a long post. It is a long movie! 
)
???
But you have lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. So at least you look like a lawyer.
NTA - I’d be Thor about that too
I had no idea what this one was, until Jeopardy! last night.
$1000, Bicycles on the big screen:
In “Better Off Dead” a psychotic paperboy pedals after this actor in pursuit of the $2 he’s owed
Huh, I missed that. I thought it might be Tom Hagen. Godfather is ripe ground for this thread.