Lawyers and sharks both smell blood—but I don’t charge a consultation fee.
I’m the chief of police of a city where, well lets just say we have no problem getting funding for whatever we need. This cop from a completely different jurisdiction just showed claiming he was here on vacation, but he’s clearly conducting an unauthorized, off the books investigation. Now I’m forced to send two of my guys to babysit him to make sure he doesn’t violate anyone’s civil rights, taking resources off of other investigations I might add. So what if his hunch was correct and he uncovered a drug smuggling ring, he didn’t have a warrant when broke into that warehouse. None of what he found will be admissible in court, and now any legitimate investigation is going to be tainted by his illegal actions. Has he not heard of a little thing called the Constitution? AITA for just wanting this guy out of my city?
And I bet you have the nicest and cleanest police cars.
And there’s a very catchy song playing whenever he’s around. Almost as annoying as his laugh
Your men love you. If I knew nothing else about you, that would be enough.
NTA!
It’s worse, he’s a passive agressive asshole. If for just a minute he could dial it down to ordinary straight talking asshole, that would be greeeaaaatt …
Don’t bother. I heard he put all his money in some kind of fruit company.
The shadow reference was the big clue, although, to be fair, it’s more of a character arc than a movie.
NTA, but I doubt you needed to lie to him. He sounds like he would have taken care of you and your son either way.
I know right??? That was the worst day of my life. I miss my mom.
But now I have a super cool nickname and everyone does whatever I tell them to.
Please tell us what that one is. Google searching on the text ends up with their AI bot telling me I should seek suicide counseling.
I live in the small town I was born in. We never go anywhere. Everyone is always afraid of me. Oh sure, they never say anything, but I can tell! Sometimes they get weird and I know they are thinking about hurting me, but I put a stop to that.
We watch TV, but they don’t want to watch the shows I do. They don’t like the food I make, either! Well, I do! Why can’t they just be happy! I don’t like it when they are like that!
AITA?
This one is BrightBurn
Thanks. I’d never heard of that movie.
I moved to a poor neighborhood from a faraway place. I’ll be upfront. My dietary needs are different than the locals. Is it my fault that I grew up in a different environment? Anyway… I met three people that work at the same place. I helped their business grow and brought them fame and fortune. Two of the people were perfect for each other, but the lady was dating a sadistic, abusive man. I helped get rid of him and now she was free to be with the man of her dreams. In spite of this, they killed me, just because I want to eat.
You, my dear humanitarian, are NTA (can I get a guest spot on Jack Paar now?)
My fiancee and her son live in a boarding house. One day this creepy guy took a room in the house. Almost immediately, he started trying to develop a relationship with my fiancee, babysitting her son and taking him on outings, having long conversations with her, even arranging for an elevator they’re in to break down so he can talk to her. Then I discovered that he’s actually an alien from another planet! The government says that he is dangerous and they’re trying to find him, so naturally I called in and told them what I know. Now my fiancee is mad at me, when she should be proud that I may have saved the whole world. AITA?
YATA because you didn’t realize it’s important to play nice with an alien who can come to Earth from the stars, since he has enough power to obliterate the planet several times over. Heck, probably just one big robot could do the trick…
NTA (Nikto the A)
I understand we are the heroes in our own life’s story, but I just told my story and I don’t know any more…
Mother was effectively turning me into a prostitute. Not technically, of course, it was a marriage she arranged, what society calls a ‘good match’, but I didn’t love the man, he didn’t understand me, and I just knew I was going to be miserable for the rest of my days.
But we needed the money. Well, mother needed the money.
Not long before we are to marry we head back to Philadelphia and, wow, things happened. I met another guy, we had hot sex in the back of the car, just fell madly in love with him… And it all went to shit. My fiancee found out. My mother found out. And, would you believe it, we got into an accident and I not only jumped off a lifeboat back onto a sinking ship, I abandoned my mother and fiancee only to watch my love die in front of me?
Yeah, I guess someone else could have been saved on that lifeboat, yeah, maybe I could have saved my love, but, you know… 
In the end, I let everyone who loved me believe that I was dead. It may have been painful for them, especially my now-impoverished mother, but a girl’s gotta be herself.
Anyway, tonight, I told my story to a bunch of people looking for a specific piece of treasure, and… after seeing the effort and expense they went through… I decided to throw the treasure in the ocean, just because. For reasons.
I then died, and my version of a perfect afterlife didn’t include my mother, it didn’t include my husband or children, it only included the guy I fucked once.
AITA?