Possible Future Cabin Crew Verbal Exchanges

Feel free to add your own (and remember, it’s SATIRE).

  1. “Pssst. Keep an eye on the guy in 4C! I just offered him some pretzels and he refused!”

  2. “Just look at her! Pounding her baby on the back like that after giving him his bottle! We may have to turn this thing around!”

  3. “Um, Sir? I know you must have meant to say ‘excuse me’ when you bumped me as you passed by, didn’t you? Sir?”

Okay, now the disclaimer:

I know we all have to watch out for ourselves during a flight, but how much of an infraction does it take to evoke a fighter escort?

I think the guy just didn’t wanna stow his luggage and became “unruly” because of it.

Maybe he was trying to make it fit under the seat to prove his point and maybe grunted with the effort of doing it?

I’m sure we’ll find out what really happened on the 11 o’clock news, and I hope to hell it didn’t warrant DefCon One.


I suspect that a fighter escort in such situations is likely to become routine, if it isn’t already. Given the recent bombing attempt, I can’t blame aircrews for taking such things seriously. They don’t know if the guy is just having a bad day, or is the next diaper bomber/hijacker/other bad guy.

Also think everybody on the plane should get to kick the guy in the balls for causing the flight to return to base.

Oh god it was all they would talk about on the news. I should have known better to have Fox news on but it was the only thing on at the time. Speculation piled on top of speculation. People actually left the plane at PDX airport, fearing an actual bomb on board. F that, I would have stayed on the flight, especially since it was for Hawaii! I’m sure he was just being a douchebag and they said “Don’t you make me turn this plane around! We’ll go home! I swear it!” and they made good on their promise.

And why the fighter escort? It’s not like Terrorist Fighter Planes would just fall out of the sky to attack the plane and finish the job.

I don’t think many people understand that “fighter escort” means “ready to blow its shit out of the sky killing everyone on board if it veers off course .”
I’m not saying that might be the lesser of two evils, just that some people say it as though the fighter can somehow safely remedy the situtation, like shooting the terrorist through the window.

Thanks for pointing that out. :slight_smile:

Attendant: “That will be 10 dollars for your complimentary bag of peanut dust, sir.”

Possible Hijacker: flips shit

I got into an argument with a flight attendant over the fact that my kindle doesn’t “turn off”. It only goes to screen saver when you hit the switch, which displays rotating images on the screen. She wanted the screen to be blank, which is impossible as far as I know. You can’t access the battery to pull it out or anything.

This was before the lap bomber. I suppose I’m lucky I didn’t get a fighter escort, too.