I’d love to see this on a menu.
Jerk Peach Chili
1 20 oz package of chili-ready beans, preferably in chili sauce
1 whole peach
20 or so green beans (peaches do not taste good with green peppers for some reason)
1/4 onion
1/2 - 1 tsp jerk powder
extra allspice if desired
some salt if the chili sauce does not have it already
water
Add water to chili and put on burner until started. Chop green beans in half and stir in. Chop onion and stir in. Chop peach into bite-sized chunks. Turn down to a simmer and stir in the jerk powder. Let chili simmer for a few more minutes before stirring in peaches. Stir in peaches and simmer until done. Cheese and cracker toppings optional of course.
The allspice in the jerk powder combined with the peach make this a festive-tasting meal. Has some heat of course. I guess if the heat is too hot you could just add allspice and then maybe a little red pepper if you want just a tiny bit of heat.
I misread this as a few dozen mimosas.
It has been known to make people swoon. Also drop dead from clogged arteries.
Pulled pork, as well. I cook mine on a Weber Smokey Mountain. Easy and gets rave reviews when I bring a batch into work. No way anyone can come close to my smoked pork butt with a crock pot recipe. Build a fire, rub a butt, toss on the smoker, push in a remote thermo and pull it off at ~195° somewhere between 10 and 12 hours later.
WSM cookers are great for pork butts, beef briskets, pork or beef ribs, poultry of any type, leg of lamb, and probably other meats that I haven’t thought of smoking. I don’t use mine for fish because I think fish should be cold smoked (like bacon) and I don’t want to fish-up my meat smoker, but a Weber Smokey Mountain is an amazing tool for BBQ meats.
Deep Dish Southern Comfort Peach Pie
2 - 1 lb, 13 oz. cans water-packed peaches, drained well (you can use fresh peaches, but most places have shitty ones, so go for the canned)
1/2 cup Southern Comfort
2/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup slivered almonds
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
3 tbsp. butter
2 tbsp. flour
1 - 2 pack deep dish pie crusts (again, you can make from scratch but why bother?)
Let frozen crusts thaw. Take one crust and fill with peaches. Sprinkle with sugar, almonds and cinnamon. Dot with flour chopped into butter. Pour Southern Comfort over the whole thing. Invert the other pie crust and use as a top crust. Brush with butter and be sure to cut a few vent holes. Bake at 450 F for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to 350 and bake another 25 - 20 minutes, until golden brown. Serve warm with whipped cream or vanilla ice cream.
^ silenus, that sounds incredibly easy to make and sooooo tasty. That’s my project for next weekend. I’ll report back with my findings. Stay tuned.
Bomb-ass Enchiladas
Now this is pretty advanced chemistry we gots going on here so some of you may want to start off by making regular enchiladas to catch up and get pregnant. (Tracy Morgan can show you how.)
- Get microwave safe dish. ( For single serving use a mug.)
- Put your junk in that box.
- Put bomb ass tortilla chips in the dish.
- Put ass-load of cheese on the chips.
%. Pour in can of enchilada sauce. - Put a butt-load of cheese on top.
- Microwave.
You’re welcome America.
But seriously, I was jonesing for some chips and salsa one day but I had no salsa so I threw some enchilada sauce and some cheese on some chips and threw them in the microwave and it was pretty good, for what it was. Total bachelor/college chow.
I think I’ve shared this on the board once or twice before, but here’s my state-championship-winning chili con carne recipe;
1 lb. ground beef
1 lb. ground pork
1 sweet onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
4 serrano peppers, sliced
3 jalapeno peppers, sliced
2 Anaheim peppers, seeded and chopped
1 habanero pepper, seeded and minced
1 15 oz. can pinto beans, drained
1 15 oz. can tomato sauce
2 tbls. olive oil
2 tbls. butter
1 tbls. salt
1 tbls. black pepper
4 tbls. chili powder
3 tbls. cumin
1 packet Sazon Goya
1/4 cup cornstarch, dissolved in 1/4 cup water
1 cube beef bouillon
1 cube chicken bouillon
2 cups water
Dash of liquid smoke
Heat olive oil and butter in a large, thick-bottomed stockpot over medium-high heat until foam subsides. Add onions, garlic, salt, and pepper, and saute for 2-3 minutes until onions have softened. Add beef and pork and cook until browned; do not drain. Add beans, peppers, chili powder, cumin, and Sazon Goya and mix thoroughly. Reduce heat to medium-low and stir in dissolved cornstarch slowly. Cook for 3-5 minutes, stirring constantly to prevent scorching. Add tomato sauce, water, bouillon cubes, and liquid smoke, and raise heat. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer for about 2 hours, stirring occasionally to prevent scorching, until peppers have softened and sauce has thickened. Add any additional desired seasonings to taste and serve.
A few notes;
- The olive oil and butter can be replaced with 4 tablespoons of bacon grease for a heartier flavor if you happen to have some on hand.
- When adding the cornstarch, dribble it into the pot slowly while stirring, and continue doing so just until all the oil in the pot has bound, as if making a roux.
- If you can’t find Sazon Goya, use about a teaspoon of Accent and a few dashes of ground coriander and annatto.
- For the chili powder I normally use a half-and-half blend of Pendery’s Fort Worth Light and Pendery’s Chiltomaline. You’ll probably have to go on their website to order those (which is what I do); otherwise, a 50/50 of any light-colored and dark-colored chili powders will do well enough. If you’re not using Chiltomaline, you can reduce the amount of raw garlic (since Chiltomaline doesn’t contain garlic powder like most chili powders do.)
- If you happen to scorch the bottom of the pan or your chili acquires a burnt taste, once you’ve transferred the salvageable chili to another pot, add a spoonful of peanut butter (or a shot of vodka) to neutralize the burnt flavor.
I’m a good cook. Friends hint liberally for dinner invitations and never turn them down. When I throw a dinner party, everyone comes – and they’re on time. 
But here’s a quick 'n dirty recipe I like to make for just me, and it’s a personal favorite:
1/2 pound fresh shrimp, peeled, deveined and de-tailed.
2 TB olive oil (the good stuff)
2 TB butter
4-6 cloves garlic, minced
red pepper flakes to taste
splash of white wine
2-3 TB chopped Italian parsley
1/2 lb. dried spaghetti
2 cups chicken stock, heated
Start water to boil pasta. Salt liberally. While water heats to boiling, prepare remaining ingredients.
Boil spaghetti for 7 minutes, then drain. Return to pot and pour heated chicken stock over. Allow pasta to finish cooking till al dente in the chicken stock.
Melt butter and olive oil together with the garlic and red pepper flakes until fragrant. Add shrimp and cook until barely done. Add the splash of white wine and allow to quickly evaporate. Stir in chopped parsley.
Toss shrimp with pasta in the chicken stock pot. Serve hot with good bread to sop up any gorgeous juices.
Makes 2-3 very generous servings.
If your audience likes olives and can eat nuts, this dip is killer. It seems simple and then it saturates your mouth:
six ounces cream cheese
half cup mayonnaise (Hellman’s)
half cup chopped pecans (food-processed to more of a mince)
cup chopped green olives (food-processed to more of a mince)
2 T olive juice from the jar
It seems too runny when you first mix it up but put it in a container and let it refrigerate overnight. Amazing. Excellent on a neutral cracker like stone wheat thins.
That was for the doubled version of the recipe. Apologies to the upper palates of anyone who added 1 tsp of jerk powder to 20 oz of chili beans 
Here’s my (literally) award-winning pizza. I was half listening to the morning show and I heard them ask you to send in your favorite pizza recipe. So I emailed it in and that afternoon, got a request for my snail-mail address and they would send me a $50 gift certificate for a local fancy Italian restaurant. So I did and they did and my wife and I went and had a fine meal for about $100 and paid only $50.
The dough is quite ordinary, just a basic flour, water, salt, yeast, and olive oil. Mix, it knead it, let it rise knock it down, roll it out on a pizza shovel, fill it, bake it, eat it.
The filling for a foot diameter pizza uses about 4 oz of good basil pesto (I grow basil and my wife makes the pesto, but I’ve used ready-made pesto sauce when visiting one of my children), 8 oz. of goat cheese broken up into small pieces (the fresh goat cheese you get in of of those truncated square conical containers), about 4 oz of good strong-flavored olives, pitted and sliced. Kalamata work well. About 4-6 oz of walnut meats, broken into medium sized pieces.
Cover the dough with the pesto, spread the remaining ingredients as evenly as you can, oh yes, put some grated parmesan or similar cheese on top, bake for 10-12 minutes at 450. Enjoy.
Really doesn’t have a “set recipe” format, since its kind of like a thing you can make as much as you need or want. It’s what my grandmother makes for family gatherings.
Grandma’s Chicken
You will need:
Several large eggs 5 or so
flour (about 1 1/2 cups or so)
spices (your choice, I usually use lemon pepper and garlic powder, about 5 or so generous shakes from lemon pepper and two or so from garlic)
chicken breast tenders, cut on the thin side.
cooking oil of choice
Fill skillet about half an inch deep and heat to 400. Warm up oven to about 350. Place eggs in bowl and scramble. Mix flour and spices. Dip chicken in eggs, then in flour mixture. Then back in the eggs, then back in the flour mixture. Place in skillet. cook about 5 min on each side. When done place on paper towel lined plate to drain for a few minutes. Then place on a cookie sheet and bake in oven for 15 to 20 minutes. Checking to be sure they don’t burn.
Like I said, it’s a very forgiving recipe. I’ve made it with premixed bread crumbs, smashed up potato chips, and even smashed croutons. Use whatever spices you think would taste good together.
And the perfect side for the chicken is
** Potatoes and Bacon**
You will need:
5 largish potatos
1/2 pound of thick cut bacon (cracked pepper is particularly good)
salt
Peel and cut potatoes like you would for home made mashed potatoes. In a large pot, fill with enough water to cover diced potatoes. Add a bit of salt. Cook until potatoes are soft, and ready to be mashed. About 45 minutes or so. Fry up the bacon so it is really crispy. drain on a towel to cool. When cooled, crumble into pieces. Place back in pan with bacon grease and heat up a bit until warm. When potatoes are done, drain, but don’t mash. Dump bacon and bacon grease into the potatoes and mix well. Should look like slightly smashed potatoes with bits of bacon.
At the Erin Rose Bar in NOLA, you can get a killer poboy. I’ve tried reverse engineering one, but I think they are largely atmosphere dependent.
brown seasoned porkchops, pop in the oven to cook through
add scallions to browning pan-- deglaze with whatever’s available
throw in a jar of apple jelly and a can of broth
toss in a bit of thyme
voila, apple glazed porkchops
Take two slices of Wonder Bread… white, not that awful whole grain white stuff. Smear on a bunch of Miracle Whip… add a slice of Oscar Mayer Bologna to the middle. Put the bread together so the bread is on the outside and the Miracle Whip and Bologna is on the inside. Cut it on a diagonal… from corner to corner (this step is important).
Serve on a paper plate with Ruffle’s potato chips and if you want to kick it up a notch, a Dill Pickle wedge.
What can I say… my friends and family have very low expectations.
Everything I make is wonderful, and I never make anything that is not wonderful…
but people to like my bacon chipotle mac 'n cheese.
Find Alton Brown’s recipe for baked macaroni and cheese (I haven’t learnt how to copy and paste on my chromebook, sorry). Before putting in the oven, stir in 6 pieces of chopped cooked bacon and 2 small chipotles. Good.
I’m making a chilli con carne now and it smells sublime. The recipe I got from Jamie Oliver’s website, and added a bit:
Brown 900 grams of minced Australian beef cubes, add to large pot.
Add a bulb of thinly sliced garlic
Add a good slug (or two) of red wine
Add a large (or two medium) thinly sliced onions
Drink a good slug (or two) of red wine
Add two tins of tomatoes, break up with spatula
Drink a good slug (or two) of red wine
Add a teaspoon of ground ginger
Add a teaspoon of ground hot paprika
Drink a good slug (or two) of red wine
Add a teaspoon of ground cinnamon
Add a teaspoon of ground red chilli pepper
Add a teaspoon of freshly ground pepper
Drink a good slug (or two) of red wine
Add salt to taste
Check the recipe on your laptop, to make sure you haven’t missed any spices
Drink a good alug (or two) of red wine
Add five, sliced, spicy green chilli peppers
Add two, sliced, bell peppers
Drink a good slug (or rwo) of red wineee
Add a good chug of balsamic vinegar
Add a small chunj of dark chocolate
Driml a goos slyh (or tqo) of red wi
Add a teaspooon of Marmite (yeah, MARMITE in a chilli is AWESOME)
Stir well thru out to preventing the stickiness of pan. i FIND oops, caslock, every time you refil your glass having a good stir works for me 