Dude, move to the back of the fucking bus. You’re nor Rosa Parks, man. You’re just some overweight guy who’s standing in the middle of the bus, blocking everyone from moving further back. Now the front of the bus is jammed, the driver isn’t letting any new people on, and there’s a vast unexplored plain of standing room right behind you.
Seriously, why? Why won’t you fucking move? You’ll still be standing. You can see how crowded the damn bus is. You’ll be able to get off at your stop from the rear exit. But you still stand there, oblivious to the obstacle you are.
Loud music at 2am on a weeknighht = I’m going to throw a brick through your window. I know that you’re just getting home from work and want to unwind, but most of the people in the neighbourhood are sleeping. Fuck you. :mad:
Fuck being confused at my internship. I was not told I’d be in this program 2 out of my 3 days a week and I’m completely not being guided there. I respect that the person who is supposedly my supervisor has her own patients and her own shit to do, but please at least say hi when you see me. (I spoke to the program director and it’s being sorted out, but I was on the verge of tears today).
I pit myself too for wanting to know how to do everything right away. I know I *can’t *know how to do all the paperwork and everything only two weeks into the internship, but then I feel stupid when I don’t know. I’m too hard on myself sometimes.
And then fuck mom for really not listening to what I was saying and offering unnecessary information.
Fuck the stupid Temple of 1000 Tombs in Neopets. I get stuck on the second damn door. Can I get help? NO. You make it so “everyone’s tomb is different.” So I’ll probably never get through the damn tomb by the time the plotline is finished.
I don’t have TIME to map the stupid tomb. If you wanted me to map it, you should have made easy to map the damn thing without having to do PrintScreen for every. Fucking. Five. Doors. You either make it so everybody uses the same tomb or you make it easy to map. PICK ONE.
Fuck myself for not being able to ignore the stupid Temple. I could be doing other things on the site, but NO, I just have to poke through the stupid Temple at least once a day. I can’t wait until they bring the stupid desert stuff back and get rid of the stupid tomb.
I “lost” my nice sunglasses. I’m always “losing” my nice sunglasses. Though I’ve considered the suggestions of others, that I would “lose my head if it weren’t attached”, and, if I should also lose my ass, I “couldn’t find it with both hands”, I think there is a more plausible explanation. Clearly, someone is stealing my sunglasses. Why do I think so? Because, Hell, I would steal my sunglasses. They’re really nice sunglasses. People want things like that. They’d do anything to get them. Like steal them from me.
So, whoever you are, give me back my sunglasses, God damn you. All of them. I mean it. Do it within 24 hours, and I won’t report you to the cops. I think this is very reasonable, and more than fair. It’s about 8:15. You know what to do.
I pit whatever I ate today that gave me such terrible gas. You know how usually you kind of like the smell of your own farts? Well, my farts this evening have been so godawful that I want to saw off my ass and throw it out in the back yard. I feel sorry for my poor dog that he has to sleep with me tonight.
I pit people who misuse or misstate military terms.
1: They are the Rangers, not Army Rangers. It’s the 75th Infantry. Also, it’s simply called Delta (1st SF, Det D), not Delta Force. Also, they are the SEALs, not Navy Seals.
2: An assault rifle is a medium cartridge firearm with select fire capability. Do not refer to a SMG as an assault rifle.
3: The uniform I wear on a daily basis is a BDU, not fatigues.
4: Security Forces are not “cops.” Cops is a great show on Fox.
5: Do not call me (or anyone else with four or more stripes) sir. I work for my living.
Yes! What the sweet holy hell is wrong with these idiots? The Blessed Virgin herself would slap these fuckers across the face if she could get away with it. The bus driver even plays recorded messages saying “Please move to the rear of the bus” when people do that, and they don’t move. How goddamn stupid do you have to be to just stand there without moving, leaving half the bus empty of standing passengers and half of it so full you can’t take a deep breath without someone getting knocked up? What possible reason could you have, you moronic oaf, for just standing there?
Seriously, next time I see it happening, I’m just gonna yell out, “You in the blue coat! Move your goddamn ass to the back of the bus before I start ripping out vital organs!” I don’t know why I’m polite enough not to say anything to these fucking worthless piles of stationary shit.
Look. I’ll give the corporation the benefit of the doubt that whoever compiled the song list that plays on satellite radio, simultaneously in all stores owned by this corporation across the US, did so after carefully studying market research and all that blah.
But for the love of fuck, have mercy on your fucking sales associates and other staff! Compile a NEW list and play THAT! I can’t. take. much. more of the same. songs. over. and fucking. over, eight hours a day! It’s been the same playlist every day since July, when I reupped, and who knows how long before that. And it’s short enough that I hear some of the same songs twice in an eight-hour shift. Some of them are quite good, I grant you, but some of the angst-o-rama makes me want to get a ladder and yank the radio out of the ceiling.
And before anyone says, “Wait until the Christmas season,” that’s the light at the end of my tunnel. I genuinely enjoy Christmas music; no joke. Even “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” is okay with me. It didn’t bother me a bit season before last, and unless they make a drastic change this year, it’ll be as much of a respite as it was then. But please, please, for the love of Og, don’t make me listen to “White Flag” or “Bad Day” one more time! (I almost made Mr. Rilch run off the road last week, lunging at the radio to change the station when that last one came on.)
Also, I’ve been carrying a Cooty around in my inventory for over a week now, waiting for it to attach itself to my Halloween Snowbunny; stupid Cooty, WHY WON’T YOU JUMP ON MY SNOWBUNNY?? If the Pant Devil steals my Cooty, I’m gonna be pissed.
Strawberries, dammit. Long long time ago the stores had them in big open bins, and of course everyone picked out the good strawberries and left the crappy ones. Now strawberries are sold in pre-wrapped boxes containing maybe three decent strawberries; the rest are either green or rotting. And they’re not cheap.
I had to laugh at this thread’s Google ad for a “StealthBid Action Sniper”.
Turns out it’s some eBay thing, not a gun, but it was still funny when I saw it.
Hiking round Porcupine lake, on the north country trail, I stepped over a fallen birch, and into a damned Badger hole. Ankle swelled to the size of a cantalope, and I had to use a crutch for weeks. It was four years before I could walk for more than a day or two without going gimpy.
-Fucking Lame Badger Pit!
As a medical transcriptionist, I listen to between 30 to 50 different “professionals” with the initials MD at the end of their names slaughter the English language every day.
I try to be understanding when it’s a doc who’s speaking English as their second language. It’s the English-speaking bastards who can’t string together a coherent sentence to save their lives who make me want to strangle them with a phone cord or rip their voiceboxes out of their throats with my teeth or shove their little dictation machine up their ass sideways after attaching a C4 charge to it.
Please, please, please…when you get your medical degree (if that’s what you’re going for) and you have to dictate reports…remember that someone has to listen to that shit and turn it into a legal, readable document. If not for me, then for your own safety. Some of us CMTs can become quite violent when provoked.
I have a long list of “do’s and dont’s” for ya if you want them, but I don’t have time to type them all here because I’m working right now and am busy screaming them at my computer monitor.
[QUOTE=fushj00mang]
I pit people who misuse or misstate military terms.
1: They are the Rangers, not Army Rangers. It’s the 75th Infantry. Also, it’s simply called Delta (1st SF, Det D), not Delta Force. Also, they are the SEALs, not Navy Seals.
My ex-husband always called the Marines the "Naval Marine Corps"My ex-husband is a :wally
“I went to see a movie today.”
“Really, What was it about?”
“Oh it had Leonardo DeCaprio in it and that girl from Alias and…”
“DID I FUCKING ASK WHO’S IN IT? WHAT IS IT ABOUT?”
“oh I don’t know…something about some guy that did some stuff only there’s a twist and turns out he didn’t do what you thought he did.”
“I’m sorry but I’m going to have to kill you now”
Seriously people how can you watch a movie know how to play 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon with every minor character in it but not have the slightest idea of what the plot is about?
People who push me whenever going on the bus, or going into the school, or into the cafeteria. Ooh! Ooh! I can push too! How would you like it if I took you to the station and pushed you in front of a fucking R train, turning you into a squelching, steaming, seething pile of ground meat, hair, bones, and a bloodied pair of Timberland boots? You fucking idiot.
People who think they’re funny but in all actuality are NOT. Yes, you’re quite a card. Especially when you tell me a joke I’ve heard a million times. On the internet. Seriously, don’t you have a sense of humor strong enough to make up your own fucking jokes? No, you’re not clever. It’s a wonder how you can sit upright and breathe.
People who talk entirely too loudly. I’d rather hear Vogons recite poetry.
