In browsing various threads the other day, I ran across a thread by a Doper I know “in real life” – someone I’ve talked to outside of the Dope and have met in person at various meetups. It was a topic I wouldn’t normally have shied away from, but in this case, I stopped myself because…well, because I had this odd sensation that I was somehow invading this person’s privacy. Part of the reason (some) folks feel free to post on here about very personal topics is because of the relative anonymity the Board offers. Now, I know this person is well aware of being known by other Dopers and wouldn’t care that others were reading the thread, but it just got me to thinking.
So, the question is fairly simple. Would you change – or have you already changed-- your posting and/or reading habits on the Dope based on having met a Doper or multiple Dopers in person? Would you worry about invading the privacy of someone you knew? Would you worry about people who know you learning deeply personal things about you?
I’ll admit that, as silly as it sounds, there are threads I’ve decided not to start or participate in simply because I wanted to spare Doper friends of mine details about me that they’d probably rather not know. What about you?
I’ve met a few of the So Cal Dopers. The situation has never come up but I probably would read the thread before realizing who it’s by. I usually don’t check to see who posts a thread or a reply unless I feel I need that information.
If I did read the name and the post, I would consider replying to it but in a IRL meeting, I would never bring it up. I’m pretty good at ignoring or pretending not to know certain stuff. I don’t think I’d judge them any differently either (although, I’m sure there are a few exceptions).
I typically don’t post in any “sharing news” type threads- congratulations, sympathy, good luck, those types of threads. Not that I don’t care, I just hate the “Me, too” feel; I have nothing unique to contribute.
The only exceptions I make to this is for dopers I have met IRL.
For the purposes of this thread, I was thinking more along the lines of, “I have this strange, pus-like growth coming out of my left knee” or “Which type of condom is most likely to send my partner into orgasmic fits” or “If I tie my children to a tree limb as a ‘time out’ punishment, does that make me a bad parent?” type of personal sharing. Things that you wouldn’t normally ask strangers in person, but that you’d be willing to ask or share on the Dope.
The poll seems to ask only about sharing details, not about reading them. I know that I would tend to try to allow people I know IRL to have some privacy on a message board and not go out of my way to read their posts unless they bring them to my attention.
This doesn’t count if it’s something where it’s a mutual interest. I’m not going to avoid an opera thread just because someone I know might be posting in it, but I try to allow people some space.
As for myself, I only share stuff on here that I’m okay with people knowing in person.
“So, the question is fairly simple. Would you change – or have you already changed-- your posting and/or reading habits on the Dope based on having met a Doper or multiple Dopers in person?”
Other than posting in those types of threads I mentioned, no. But there are still some things that will never get put anywhere on the net, no matter what.
I’ve met a handful of Dopers here a couple years ago, some of them are popular. I haven’t really changed my posting style, but I am conscious of the fact it’s not 100% anonymous for me anymore. I consider those Dopers my friends, but we are all part of this community, and regardless of the fact that I know they might (and most likely) read anything I post here, it’s rarely been a concern. Perhaps because I haven’t made it a habit to post incredibly personal stuff. Even if I were 100% anonymous, I still wouldn’t, just because I don’t feel comfortable putting that info out there on the internet.
So, typically, anything I post here I resign myself to the fact that if almost anyone in my life read my posts, I’d have very little to be embarrassed or ashamed about.
That said, I’m a pretty open guy. I don’t get embarrassed too easily, and will offer trivial personal info about myself freely.
I don’t post the uber-personal details of my life, but I wouldn’t do that anyway. As far as reading the posts of people I’ve met – I assume they don’t post anything that they’re not okay with people they’ve met reading, just as I don’t.
I have met many Dopers in real life. As far as I’m aware it’s not changed my posting habits. I tend not to post many personal details since that’s the way I am.
That’s YOU on the other end? Golly, did I have the wrong idea. Ahh well, I’ll fix the focus anyway… I must’ve knocked it out of whack last night with my penis.
Although I haven’t met anyone on this board, I have met people in real life from other forums I frequent. I haven’t changed my posting style one whit on those boards, so I know it wouldn’t change here either.
I’ve been to 3 (4?) OrlanDopes, and I liked all the people that I met at them. None of them seemed to have a problem engaging me on the board afterwards, and I certainly don’t have a problem engaging any of them.
I’m also more likely to slow down and fully read their posts than other peoples’ when skimming a thread.
I’ve posted some pretty damn personal stuff here, and the first DopeFest I did have it in the back of my mind… yikes, that’s awkward.
The thing is, I’ve always had this life philosophy that everybody has personal issues and we should all just cut the shit and acknowledge that fact and be genuine in our communications. I honestly think society’s standards about ‘‘privacy’’ are sort of arbitrary and weird. It took me a while to learn to accept that basic social decorum. I don’t understand the human hesitance to discuss the most important parts of life in favor of the more banal stuff. With time, though, I’ve learned to accept that people have different social boundaries and go with the flow.
There is obviously a time and a place for everything. I don’t really want to talk about personal shit at a party unless I’m one-on-one with someone and getting deep. Nobody except a complete jackass would bring up something private I posted here unless it was somehow relevant to the conversation and everybody was having some kind of kumbaya moment.
So ultimately attending DopeFests did not change my posting behavior. I eventually concluded that nothing I have ever shared is stuff that I am responsible for or should be ashamed of, so if someone has a problem with it, they’re more messed up than I am. I guess I have a cognitive dissonance between DopeWorld and real life… they rarely intersect. Ah well.
