We have been trying (in vain) to get our 4 year old daughter to use the dreaded potty. No dice…tried everything…rewards…bribes…promises…shame…peer pressure.Nothing seems to work.
My oldest daughter was potty trained by 3.
I’ve heard that they should not be forced into it,that they will do it when they are ready.My question is…“How much longer do we give her?” Any tips appreciated.
:::::Tired of Diapers:::
Dear God, man, I think I’d be ready to give up, too. We just had a thread like this a week or so ago, I think. I trained my daughter at about 2 years old by making her spend a day without clothes on. She wouldn’t pee on her legs (or worse) so she knew she had to use the potty. It took about 2 hours before she was potty-trained, and she never went back. Now, mind you, I did have to hear her say “Didee” (her word for diapers) a few times, and she looked frantic when she first had to pee, but then she ran right for the potty. Good luck.
We’re potty-training our two-and-a-half year old right now. I don’t know if this is a male/female thing, but that technique just ain’t happening here. When he’s getting ready to take a shower, and we’ve stripped him down to nothing, he’ll sometimes break free and run around the house gleefully yelling “Naked Butt!” And in all the excitement, he’s peed on the floor a couple of times. Seems more proud than embarassed. (Hmmm, is that ‘embarrased’? The first spelling seems oddly appropriate.)
Anyway, this is our first experience, so we don’t know success yet, but forcing him to use the bathroom several times a day seems to be getting us closer.
There’s a book called “Toilet Training in less than a Day” - worked great for our first kid, not for the second, and so-so for the third. Anyway, the basic idea is similar to Sigmundex’s – no more diapers. Let the kid wear underwear (or i suppose naked is okay too, especially for a girl) and the yukky feeling of wet legs will inspire the kid to go in the potty. No punishments, just consequences. The book suggests scheduling this for a specific day, and then having loads of salty snacks and drinks available, so the kid will have plenty of opportunities to practice and learn.
When my parents potty trained me, my dad rigged up a set of bike handle bars on the back of the toilet. Whenever I had to go, I would sit on the toilet seat backwards to do my business. From what I understand, I was quite entertained, and learned very quickly. I assure you that I use “The Pot” in the traditional way now, but the handles gave me the confidence I needed to make me the exceptional toilet user that I am today.
That’s a great idea. I have a 3.3 year old boy who is not interested, so I might try something like that. We tried putting him in underwear for a day, but when he found out (the hard way) that he couldn’t do #2 in his underwear, he lost interest and became stressed out. I think that you have to let them go naked, not just in underwear for this to work.
I’m not ready to try the naked thing for a while - he just went the past three days with a bad stomach bug, and I’ve done enough carpet cleaning and laundry.
Well, I was the one who started the thread last time. We’ve had our daughter (she’ll be 3 in June)in underwear for over a week now. She had a couple of accidents in the first two days, but has been perfect since then. After hearing the advice we decided on a system of not allowing diapers during the day, keeping her in clothes that are very easy to remove, and copious bribes. She gets a jelly bean or two for peeing and a piece of choclate for poop. It’s worked great so far.
A 4 year old would take stronger measures, I would think. If it were my situation, I would take a day off or a weekend and really work on it. You might try a more substantial reward–e.g., we can go to the zoo (or whatever) as soon as you are out of diapers. Or buy a really great toy that she can only play with when she does it right.
I know my daughter was delaying giving up diapers in order to compete for attention with her baby brother, because she pretty much said so. In general, I’m not in favor of bribes, but I think in this case it can really override the control issues.
By age 4, my first suggestion is that you check with your doctor, to be sure there’s not a medical problem.
Then, if all is clear, you might try a bribe. I assume she’s in a bed, not a crib? Maybe a tricycle? Something that “only big girls can have”, and “big girls” use the potty. Age 4 is old enough to understand what is expected in terms of toilet training, and reward-for-good-behaviour is usually a satisfactory approach.
I have to agree there might be a medical or psychological problem. (No, I don’t mean she’s crazy).
Some medical things that come to mind are UTI’s or maybe bladder spasms. My daughter wanted to use the potty very much but she had to stay in pull-ups for quite awhile because when she had to go, she had to go right then. She often complained of bladder pain and pain while urinating. She was treated for UTI’s a few times and sometimes the ped. would run a test on her urine and that always came up negative. I finally realized it was bladder spasms while reading up on food allergy symptoms to see if her emotional outbursts and ADD symptoms could be food related. Taking her off of dairy cured a lot of things, including the potty problems. Dr. Rapp has many books on that subject, “Is This Your Child?” is the one I hear recommended most. She’s on-line too. www.drrapp.com
The psychological thing might be a fear of the toilet. It is not unheard of. Toilets are loud when they flush. Some kids are scared of any loud noise. Toilets wash away things that just came out of the child’s body and make them disappear forever. Some kids think that if they sit on the toilet, they might disappear too. It makes sense if you think like a preschooler.
Good luck! My problem right now is an over-eager 22 months old that thinks she doesn’t need diapers anymore. (She does!)
My son is 4.5 and he’s totally potty trained at home (he has wet the bed a couple of times though) but when he goes to preschool (two days a week) he still needs diapers. We’re going out this week to buy a whole bunch of cheap underpants and sweatpants and starting next week we’re just not sending him in diapers anymore. We’ve tried to get the school to get him to use the potty, but they don’t remember, and he doesn’t ask.
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Thanks for all the suggestions…I think we’ll try the naked route.She’s not quite 4 yet…(3 years 8 months) but enough is enough.She’s still in her crib…we told her she can’t have a big girl bed until she uses the potty…didn’t phase her a bit.She used the potty for about a week last summer,off and on,when she was in the pool,but the novelty wore off.She knows how to use it…just doesn’t WANT to…((stubborn like her Mother…::ducks::…just kidding dear.
Oye. I remember this well. My kids are lactose intolerant ( did you know that over 90% of the non-white world is? I have a rough time swallowing this stat, but my Ped. swears by it. My kids are Asian). Son had bedwetting problems for YEARS after he was fully toilet trained. Come to find out, it’s not witholding fluids beforehand, but it’s NOT letting him have dairy.
Worked like a charm. I carry those Mega-Mondo Lactaid Pills, they get Ben & Jerry’s in the summertime just like all the other snots.
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