. . . It has been green-lighted next season on Fox, though . . .
Eve: LOL!
Like my other mom friends used to say, as long as they are trained by school age.
I think my son was 3, I didn’t write it down.
He was fairly easy.One day he walked over and said “Mom, I’m peeing right now”.
So I knew it was time then to show him what to do.
Well, tell him, I couldn’t show him.
Lazy is a bit strong, here.
We found that removing the diapers and clothes, (aka butt nekkid), gave the feller a better sense f what was going on. It didn’t take long for him to decide that he wanted to go to the potty instead of just peeing on himself. He still wore diapers to sleep in and if we were going somewhere and needed to dress him. He still had accidents of course. But the motivation was there.
Motivations vary by child.
But the research I’ve read lately suggests that if you start early, typically all you end up doing is training for longer. They train when they train, and you can either have extended phases of accidents, or short phases.
Kids will train themselves. And sure, in other parts of the world, kids are ‘trained’ earlier. But typically, the analysis on that says that it is the parents who are trained, not the child. Certainly that was my experience in China - the parents were highly attuned to the pooping and peeing precursors, and responded appropriately. Because of this, kids tended to get it as soon as they were able to, because they never did anything but pee and poop where they were ‘supposed to’. Diapers? Who needs diapers? Split pants work.
But kids still are training themselves.
I’m not a lazy parent. We started training Gabe when he showed signs of being ready - telling us he was pooping, being interested in it, etc. But he wasn’t really motivated to train, internally. Rewards? He could not care less. Peer pressure? Nope. (We had people tell us that once he was in preschool with peers who were potty trained, he would train. Um, WRONG! 9 months later, still not trained. He is king of no-peer-pressure, the kid who told me ‘if another kid does something, do you want me to do it just because he did?’ at all of 2.5 years old… shades of 'jumping off a bridge lectures in adolescence…). One day he was done, and then he was done done done, and never looked back. He was 3 3/4.
Our second kid is 25 months, and well on his way to self-training. Demanded a potty, uses it perfectly for peeing, still poops during naps (physically not ready to control that, I suspect). I suspect that pooping will be problematic for him, potty-wise, because he has had so many digestive troubles. Very little sense that he can control that, because of the repeated bouts of diarrhea. But peeing? He can hold it like a champ, and pees intentionally after sitting down and getting himself arranged. All on his own, without us saying boo. Heck, I didn’t want him to start yet, because I wasn’t interested in racing for the bathroom in stores just yet. But not really willing to stop him, either. Too much of a fight. Lazy parent, me.
The other thing that none of the lazy commentary takes into account is the emotional process involved. That is, potty training is scary for some kids. For others it is an ownership issue. For others it is a power or control issue. For others it is a self-esteem issue. These little individuals are (GASP) individual in how they approach it, what it means to them, whether they have issues in conflict with it, etc. Anxiety, control, power, ownership, separation, etc. all play a role in the process. Just because my older son knew he was pooping at all of 9 months old doesn’t mean he was ready to have to control it all the time, no matter what. He has higher-than-normal anxiety, and a strong sense of self determination, identity, and personal autonomy. Pooping in the potty was tied in to that.
(And actually, pullups were a motivator rather than a de-motivator, because they leak. Uncomfortable.)
(clarifying: I wasn’t lazy the first time, and he trained ‘late’, and I’m lazy as all get-out this time, and he’s training at 2. It ain’t me.)
Well, it depends on the kid, but I think by four, you should be in big kid pants, not diapers.
Unless of course, you’re into Taking Children Seriously.
I was difficult to potty train-I was still pooping in my pants when I was three-my parents kept at me and I stopped. My sister, on the other hand, was nearly impossible. She would NOT pee or poop on the pot. Until my parents bribed her with a dollhouse.
I am a mother of 4…and I am one of the worlds laziest people ever, BUT NOT WITH AGE APPROPRIATE weaning. My children were all off the pacifier by walking age, off the bottle by 18mos.(although the sippy cup is making even this an alternative to a bottle as is pull ups with the diaper) and yes all started training at 2 and done long before 3. I know when I walk through a store and see a 5 year old child sitting in the basket sucking a pacifier I think the parent is lazy and would rather her and the child look rediculous than take the damned thing away and deal with the crying for the time it takes. I also have the same view when it comes to the bottle or nursing(not to start that debate, but sorry if the child is able to tell you he wants your boob and can lift your shirt pull it outta the bra and start feeding l…its time to stop breast feeding) but I am so conscience of those scenes I refused to be that parent. And ya know what, they all turned out fine crying it out a couple days after the change.
There of course are all different situations and each individual different, but when the response is THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED or HE/SHE’S JUST A BABYor the best yet THEY WILL DO IT WHEN THEY ARE READY<throws arms up in air> ts time to tak a look around and see who is raising who.
My children are 13, 9, 7, and 4. I am 31, and if these are old fashioned thoughts and ways, well by golly, call me a home cause I am ready for a rest anyhow!
Thats my opinion on the laziness anyways 
I am a mother of 4…and I am one of the worlds laziest people ever, BUT NOT WITH AGE APPROPRIATE weaning. My children were all off the pacifier by walking age, off the bottle by 18mos.(although the sippy cup is making even this an alternative to a bottle as is pull ups with the diaper) and yes all started training at 2 and done long before 3. I know when I walk through a store and see a 5 year old child sitting in the basket sucking a pacifier I think the parent is lazy and would rather her and the child look rediculous than take the damned thing away and deal with the crying for the time it takes. I also have the same view when it comes to the bottle or nursing(not to start that debate, but sorry if the child is able to tell you he wants your boob and can lift your shirt pull it outta the bra and start feeding l…its time to stop breast feeding) but I am so conscience of those scenes I refused to be that parent. And ya know what, they all turned out fine crying it out a couple days after the change.
There of course are all different situations and each individual different, but when the response is THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED or HE/SHE’S JUST A BABYor the best yet THEY WILL DO IT WHEN THEY ARE READY<throws arms up in air> ts time to tak a look around and see who is raising who.
My children are 13, 9, 7, and 4. I am 31, and if these are old fashioned thoughts and ways, well by golly, call me a home cause I am ready for a rest anyhow!
Thats my opinion on the laziness anyways
hedra, Have you ever heard of the book “Raising Your Spirited Child?” I have a spirited child. My cousins EEEVIL child is spirited.
daveswifejen, Great! Glad it worked for you. I ask again…would you like to tell me what I could have done to get my daughter out of diapers earlier? 'Cause I’m really interested in what might have worked. See, I wasn’t lazy about it (if anything, I was anti-lazy and it backfired and turned into a nearly two year power struggle).
Info on Toilet Training:
http://www.toilet-training-guide.com/time-for-toilet-training.htm
Bolding mine
Both my older boys trained between the ages of three and four (one went a little past four). I watched, I waited, and seized advantages where I could. They never wore pull-ups. They never wore a diaper at night once we made the switch to underwear, and they never had an accident.*
Now, I make no claims (I speak only from my own experience and that of personal friends who are also mothers.) that waiting until I could tell they were ready is the cause of such success, but I did have a couple of friends with children the same ages. They potty trained their children as early as 18 months and hailed their great prowess as mothers. They also had to take a bag of dry clothes to kindergarten everyday with the precious prodigy. You can never measure all children by the same arbitrary ruler.
FB
- I am aware the potty gods have smiled upon me. I knock on all manner of wood as I approach the 2nd birthday of child number last.
I’m currently starting potty training with my 2 1/2 year old. She’s started asking to sit on the potty and so we let her. She then gets scared when it is time to go and asks for her diaper.
I’m not going to force her. I figure when she’s a little more comfortable with the potty she’ll go on it. I don’t want this to turn into a battle. I know the damage that can cause.
Frankly I’m much more interested in what I feel is better for my kids and us as parents than in how strangers see us.
Also, no one outside can know everything that happens in a home. Maybe that woman and her son had been working on potty training and come into some trouble when her pediatrician told her to take a break. It would be a sensitive subject for her and she would be defensive if approached accusatorily. Maybe your brother just shouldn’t sit for them again?
Children do develop at different rates and they have their own priorities in development. I’m forever telling people to back off when they question my daughter’s development. For example, she just started talking a few months ago. I got all kinds of advice about what was ‘wrong’ with her. Nothing. She just wanted to focus on other things. Physically she’s very adept and walked early, jumped early can build elaborate towers and has been summersalting for months. She preferred to focus on these things. All of a sudden the words came by the dozens.
One other thing. You cannot look at a child and know how old they are with any accuracy. How do you know that is a 5 year old with a pacifier? I used to have that mental image in my head until I had a child of my own. She’s tall for her age. (2 and 1/2 and she’s currently in size 5 clothes) Strangers always expect a lot from her because they assume she’s older than she is. Now when I see kids I don’t judge because they may just look older and I don’t know their individual situation and all kids are different.
Oh, I forgot the article on Toilet Training Resistance-
http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/toddler/toddlerproblems/toilet_training_resistance.html
FB
Oh, Eve…that crack was worthy of Dorothy Parker.
Eh, we’re all lazy.
Early training was laziness mixed in with competitveness. Cloth diapers. A trained kid was easier than washing the dang things.
Third world? That’s parents trained to recognize what’s coming and get the kid off the back and down to ground.
Now, in developed countries with disposables and kids carted around, what’s the rush? It is usually easier to wait until it is an easy go. If the kid is interested at 18 months then go for it, if not til after three then so be it. By three most kids can go in the potty, but some get off on the fact that the parents really want them to and can’t make them. Soft sell with small prizes usually works well after three. Not always. Haven’t met a non-developmentally delayed kid who isn’t trained before Kindergarten and usually peer pressure in preschool does it.
My wife, from the Caribbean, was potty trained at 6 months,
It sounds to me as if it was more like your wife’s parents were holding her over the toilet at 6 months. IMHO, that’s not potty trained.
A 6 month old can’t even walk, much less go to the toilet and do whatever it is you’ve gotta do in there, and there is no way any 6 month old kid is going to think “I have to pee. Must hold it in till Mommy takes me to the bathroom.” They’re gonna let 'er rip whenever their little bladders get full; they’re incapable of controlling that urge at that age. And the only thing a 6 month old baby is going to do with toilet paper is try to eat it.
IMHO, if the kid can’t go potty alone (with a little help, of course), they aren’t trained. And you definitely can’t declare a kid trained when they have no control yet over their bodily functions. The main thing about potty training is the kid learning what it means to have to go to the bathroom; the sensations they feel and what they ought to do when they feel it.
but at least they don’t poop in their diapers anymore.
Wtf? Babies are SUPPOSED to do that! I can’t imagine forcing potty training that early just because parents don’t want to change diapers! That’s what you sign up for when you have a kid!
It’s obviously worked for you and your wife so mileage varies and all that, but that is waaaaaaaaaay out there.
Maybe it’s a cultural thing. Pakistani colleagues of mine began holding their daughters over the potty at the the age of six months, and they’re more or less trained by 12 months. This seems to be a standard thing for their culture. Babies learn very quickly, they probably just learn to associate the feeling of plastic potty on their backside as “go now”.
Certainly there is no abuse: the children are not distressed, nor are they punished or harmed in any way for accidents. They just get ready for it earlier.
Don’t forget the ENORMOUS hidden pressure in the west for children NOT to be trained early, so they consume as many expensive disposable nappies as possible.
If I had a kid, I would certainly try to train it as early as possible. I cannot see any disadvantage to doing this - so long as it does not distress the child - but I can see a myriad of disadvantages for having a four year old in nappies.
That’s totally messed up.
That’s Funny.
This topic has been well thrashed, but I wanted to add a couple of thoughts.
We use cloth diapers (easy-peasy btw…much more convenient that disposables) and my son was nearly three when he trained. I used to think early potty-ing was a benefit of cloth diapering, but I’ve since heard otherwise from the anecdotal grapevine.
In my experience, learning to toilet is a process, not an event. My son started to show interest at around 19 months, and while we provided ample opportunity and all the accessories, he wasn’t ready to let go of the diapering stage for about a year after that.
I think using the loaded term ‘lazy parenting’ will get one nowhere fast. Some folks are a little less coercive than others and there is a wide continuum of parenting styles from which we can sample. Parents get to choose…others should remain silent. (In-Laws are exempt from the silent rule for some inexplicable reason)
Finally, for daveswifejean. I’m less concerned with the things other people find ridiculous about my parenting choices than I am about the soundness of the choices and the fit they make in our lives. Therefore, my choices will probably be different from those you made. Not lazy. Just different.
Farmwoman…
You are right about toilet learning being a process. Both my kids had managed to do something regarding bodily wastes and a potty or toilet before they were two. Neither wore underwear regularly without Mommy carrying around a change of clothes for another year and a half.
My girlfriends and I (all late breeders) get together and laugh about stuff like this. One newer mom will show up with something like “my wonderful precocious child just put pee in the potty at fourteen months - we will be out of diapers in no time.” And the rest of us who have older children laugh and clue her in. Keeps us all honest. Peeing for Prizes was the suggestion of one of my wonderful Girlfriends (didn’t work for her daughter either - 3 1/2 when trained - another person who thought she had the answers when her son trained early and easily).
And yes, its a cultural thing. My son is from South Korea, where we are told most children are trained by a year. Friends just adopted a baby from Khazikstan, she was trained at eleven months. The orphanage DID tie her to a potty, and also the kids never wore any pants or diapers at all - just babies on a linoleum floor with someone cleaning up after them like puppies, and a row of potty chairs for when the kids could toddle over and sit on them
You say “everyone is different” and “it depends” and “it’s just my opinion” and “not to start this debate again” and yet you put forth all these rules and are so darned judgmental.
What does it matter to you is someone nurses a toddler? What does it matter to you if a kid still uses a pacifier? Why do you give a damn? Why do feel the need to pass judgment on people you don’t know?
Maybe those are the questions you need to be asking, not “Who is raising whom?”