Pre-recorded telemarketing treachery!

So I was sitting around at ten this morning in my standard issue unemployed-guy uniform, which consists of a pair of boxers and a bathrobe, drinking my coffee and starting my morning troll of help wanted ads. Suddenly the phone rings! Quick like a bunny I leap into action, grabbing the cordless phone and dimming the radio before the second ring falls silent. No one I know would be calling at this hour, they all have jobs, this could be a prospective employer! I don my most respectful voice and answer the phone:

TFSC: Hello?

Caller: Hello, this is Sam.

TFSC: Hi Sam, what can I do for you?

Sam: I tried calling you a few days ago but you were out, so I thought I’d try again this morning.

TFSC: (thinks: i don’t get out much these days, wonder when he called, and why didn’t leave a message) Well thank you for calling back, I appreciate it.

Sam: My boss wanted me to talk to you about a disturbing trend he noticed with rising price of insurance these days…

TFSC: (thinks: god dammit) Hold on a second are you trying to sell me something?!

Sam: …blah blah blah blah blah insurance blah blah blah…

TFSC: (thinks: WTF?) Hey are you listening to me?

Sam: …blah blah blah insurance blah blah goat felching is fun blah blah blah…

TFSC: Goddammit you’re not even real are you? Son of a bitch. <hangs up>

Fuckers! They really timed this message perfectly, for a good 20 seconds I thought I had a real person. The start delay was perfectly timed to my “hello” the pauses between the indroductionary comments felt natural and the recording sounded like a real damned person. I was fooled! Tricked! Deceieved! They employed trickery in order to steal time from me! I felt violated or, as my grandmother used to say after returning from a BDSM meeting, ridden hard and put away wet. I don’t know what that means, but that’s how I felt.

Now, I’ve received pre-recorded calls before but I’ve always been able to identify them as such before the message gets past it’s opening comments warning me and my (non existant) family of the dangers of toxic mold. These I can take in stride with out getting worried. Sure answering the phone wasn’t worth the calories consumed in getting up to grab it but at least I’m not tricked and as a result less of my time is wasted.

This foul peice of telemarketing treachery, on the other hand, filled me with a sputum spewing rage the likes of which I haven’t felt since the time two summers ago when I got into a heated argument turn fistfight with my sock drawer. I hate the people responsible for this abomination with a bright burning passion that will never die. I only wish that I hadn’t been so blinded by rage and hatred that I’d listen to the full recording so I could learn who was behind this dastardly trickery. So I could call and complain, once an hour, on the hour all day. I have nothing better to do. However, so all consuming was my rage that I had to lock myself in the closet for almost an hour punching holes in the sheetrock before I was calm enough to articulate even basic English phrases, much less plot a proper revenge.

The next time I get a fucking pre-recorded telemarketing call at any time of the day I’m going pay attention to the contact information. Then I’ll teach them a lesson about annoying a bored guy with nothing but spare time. They’ll have to hire extra staff just to deal my incessant complaints. Perhaps I’ll even prerecord them. This way I’ll slowly bankrupt those responsible for besmirching the public communication lines with such foul, devil inspired trickery.

Perhaps you could just abuse the next telemarketer you encounter TWICE as hard in order to compensate!

Oh no I don’t abuse the live ones at all. I talk to them about things other than the product they are pushing. The longer I keep them on the line, not making a sale, the more money I cost their employer, plus it prevents them from bothering another person that much longer. :slight_smile:

Maybe we should abuse the idjits who actually buy the stuff from telemarketers. Anyone who buys something from a pre-recorded telemarketer is dangerous individual!

And you’re complaining about Telemarketers?
Oh, the irony…

I’m always coming home to half-finished monologues on my answering machine. Usually wanting to talk to someone who doesn’t live here and never did about their insurance policies, funeral plans, dating future, winning sweepstakes, and why this person really needs to call the Automated Voice back.

What I want to know is, why is this Voice so goddamn chirpy? And why is that so much more irritating than if it weren’t? And why can’t I ever find the “delete” button in time?

I don’t know about Texas, but in NC it’s illegal for telemarketers to leave messages on your answering machine. I have the numbers and addresses you should contact if that happens…hang on…

Joy! It’s againgst FCC regulations! That means it’s illegal in all 50!:smiley:

FCC: www.fcc.gov/cgb/complaintfiling.html
(fax) 202-418-0232
(phone) 888-225-5322
(mail)Federal Communications Commission Consumer & Governmental Affairs Bureau, Consumer Complaints, 445 12th St. SW, Washington, D.C. 20554

Check with your State Attorney General’s office to see if they have a Consumer Protection Division as well.

SpazCat, with a helpful post for once.

Give me a link on where it’s illegal.

I’m not dispuiting it at all. I just want to see the regs.

Restrictions on use of telephone equipment: http://www4.law.cornell.edu/uscode/47/227.html

US Laws on Telemarketing: http://www.junkbusters.com/ht/en/fcc.html

Actually, under Utilitarianism, TFSC is a much more productive member of society.

As far as the recorded messages on machines and their legality, what is happening is that the message starts once the machine picks up–it can’t distinguish between a real live person answering the call or your handy little machine. Wouldn’t that then make any pre-recorded pitch illegal, since it can’t be guaranteed that a message won’t be left on someone’s machine, somewhere, at some time? It seems more likely that there is some kind of loophole which, while preventing live telemarketers from cluttering up your machine, makes recordings exempt.

The national Do Not Call list will go a long way to keeping answering machines free of all forms of marketing.

Ya know, I think I understand the idiotic reasoning behind this. If they call you with a pre-recorded message, then there is no way for you to tell them to put you on their Do Not Call list. Therefore, regardless of your wishes, they can continue to spam your phone as much as they like.

And that is exactly what this is. Phone spam. Fuckers.

TheFunkySpaceCowboy (great name!): I got fooled in exactly the same way! I was stomping mad for the next twenty minutes!

Now, whenever I get a telemarketer who just launches into their pitch, I interrupt and ask, “Are you a robot?”

So far, two things have happened: either the voice keeps on talking, in which case I hang up (I don’t care if it’s a person or a robot; if they won’t deviate from their script, they’re history) or they fall into a sudden silence and then ask, “What?” at which point I give them the polite “No thanks” routine.

Trinopus

actually, i got a prerecorded one that at the end, told me to hit “1” in order to be put on the DNC list, or “2” to speak to a live operator.

now, if anyone wants to help me sue 1-800-telebet for repeatedly calling me with their prerecorded messages after i’ve told them repeatedly to put me on their list, i’ll share half. they’re based offshore, on some island.

That happened to me once. I knew something was off, but I didn’t know what the problem was until I started asking them to put me on their do not call list and they kept on talking.

If I’m feeling really ornery, I press 1 to speak to a live operator, and then tell them to fuck off.