You know, if it wasn’t for the fact that, of course, this movie simply cannot possibly exist (for one thing, Helen Mirren would never, ever, ever, ever do it) then I’d suggest you pitch it and make it yourself as a farcical comedy. It’d be the next “Airplane!”
But since you continue to pursue this silly jest, I, sir, will take you up on your dare. I shall repair to my local video store and look for a movie called “Shadowboxing” with Helen Mirren and Cuba Gooding Jr. And if such a movie exists, which I do not for a minute believe, I shall rent it, bring it home, and watch every bit of it from the first frame to the last, and report to this thread no later than Saturday on my findings. Which of course I will not have to do, since it’s nothing more than a flight of your fancy.
Let’s all watch it together, with a thread of running commentary.
It’s available on Netflix streaming (linked above), so anyone with a Netflix account can watch it online.
If we set a time say on saturday, then people who need to get a disc have a couple days to do so. Any takers?
Cuz I just went and played the beginning again, and I just wanted to guffaw, and go “Ohmygod did I just see . . . ?” Might be fun to have an MST3K-style roundtable.
[ul]
[li]Should you go? Not in public. But with a group of like-minded friends and the DVD, there might be circumstances under which you’d find it hilarious.[/li]
[li]I’d sooner sit through 32 hours of Congressional committee testimony about imported yarn than watch Shadowboxer again.[/li]
[li]One of the campiest, most lushly ludicrous movies to come out in a while. [/li]
[li]A ridiculous movie that starts off completely cracked and just gets crazier and crazier. [/li]
[li]Not only will you want to shower after seeing this repellent movie – the Rose-Mikey sex scenes are especially icky – you’ll feel sorry for the cast. [/li]
[li]If he earns no other accolades for his directorial debut – a distinct likelihood – Lee Daniels deserves some kind of award just for assembling the most bizarrely random cast of this young century. [/li]
[li]Who says critics are useless? Now you don’t have to see the movie, unless, of course, you derive some satisfaction/pleasure from graphic violence, unforgivably cliched scripts and/or repeated sightings of Gooding’s bare bottom. [/li]
[li]A rubbernecker’s movie…There’s a new Zalman King in town, and his name is Lee Daniels. [/li]
[li]It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment when it becomes clear that this lurid, steroidal neo-noir is certifiably insane (or at least a lot funnier than it means to be), but it’s pretty early on. [/li]
[li]A strident and shocking jumble. [/li]
[li]Shadowboxer, a gaudy thriller saturated in sex and violence, is an extravagance that leaves you with your mouth hanging open – partly in admiration of its audacity and partly in disbelief at its preposterousness. [/li]
[li]After 90-odd minutes of bludgeoning us into open-jawed bafflement, Shadowboxer is best aborted, and flushed away as one of 2006’s more unpleasant memories.[/li][/ul]
The problem (well, one of many) with the title is that there are 3 randomly interchangeable words in it. It would have made almost as much sense, or be just as hard to remember, if it was “Sapphire: Based on the novel Precious by Push”, or “Push: Based on the novel Sapphire by Precious.”
I am pleased to report that Blockbuster had a movie called “Shadowboxer” with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Helen Mirren. I’m sure it won’t be as described by lissener, but I’m gonna watch it tomorrow.
I’m actively trying to think of someone I dislike enough to make them watch this alleged “Shadowboxer” movie with me. Does anyone know whether the effects of alcohol consumption will make it hilariouser, or a hellish experience unlike any I have endured before?
Well, you’ll start by pinching yourself on the arm to see if it’s real, and you’ll end up punching yourself in the head to make it stop. So yeah, anything that dulls the pain is a good idea. I recommend general anesthesia. And a morphine drip.