The whole hubbub about Trump and the soldiers killed in Niger got me wondering about this. At the height of the Iraq War, I can’t imagine Bush personally calling the families of every single soldier killed overseas. And frankly, I can’t imagine Obama doing that either with the families of the soldiers killed during his time in office.
So do presidents typically make any sort of outreach to soldiers’ families, even if only in the form of a letter expressing condolences? Do they make a point to call at least a few families every now then?
Several articles have been published in the last day or so, discussing the history of these letters of condolence. The ones I found say that the tradition started with the Civil War, when Lincoln sent some.
Bush met with many and made a point of sending a personal letter to every family. Obama also met with many. I’ve heard his letters were a bit less personal. There certainly is no requirement for the president to have any contact with the family.
During WWII families were notified of deaths and serious injuries by telegram. That practice continued through the beginning part of Viet Nam. If you saw the movie We Were Soldiers Once there is a subplot about Mel Givson’s wife taking it upon herself to deliver telegrams and be there for the widows. That really did happen although not exactly like the movie showed (reality was even more harsh). In real life Julia Compton Moore was a driving force behind changing policy and the formation of casualty assistance teams to make any notifications in person.
Grandmother received a telegram that my Uncle had been killed in a training aircraft, and two of his fellow students would accompany the body home. She received many letters “from generals and congressmen” asking if they could do anything for her. She asked that they send my Father home before he was killed. Dad insisted that is not why he was brought back from New Guinea, given basic training, and discharged from the USAAF.