Problems with "take it to the Pit" (i.e., pitting someone instead of dealing with it in-thread)

I want to comment on this in light of your stated preference for

That’s exactly what @JohnT was doing. His accusation wasn’t especially nasty, he just observed that you had appeared to misgender another poster. Now, it turns out that you and he disagree on the gender-specificity of the word “duuude”, so his comment took you by surprise. But the normal response to “you misgendered someone” is for you to say “oops” and everyone moves on.

long digression about misgendering, and how to handle it

Confession: i misgender people all the time. I have a lot of friends who have recently come out as a gender other than the one they used when i met them. And i mess up all the time, mostly when i post on a discord we all share. The usual script is
Me: “… he …”
A third party “they”

Then i go back and edit my post to change the pronoun to “they”, and then the third party deletes their post.

All quick and civil. I hope there aren’t too many hurt feelings.

On the other Discourse board i moderate, posters can edit their posts indefinitely. And we have a woman who came out a few years ago as female, whom we thought was a guy for years. Every so often someone misgenders her. As a mod, i send a DM to the poster, and ask them to fix their post. So far, they always have, generally apologizing to me for their mistake, and that’s the end of it.

On this board, where you can’t edit your post, the correct response is to post again to say "oops, sorry, i should have said “she”.

Anyway, @JohnT decided to try to quietly handle it, instead of just reporting your post. You perceived that as “taking a massive shit in your thread”, and reacted in kind. There were a lot of posts that were unpleasant and unrelated to the main topic. That’s EXACTLY the kind of misunderstanding/escalation/digression that the rules around reporting or using the pit are designed to avoid.

LOL, he reported his own post, clearly to try to get me in trouble in the process.

He also went on and on about how many women he was banging, etc. But I was OK with it. Not that I thought that anything he said had value, but–again–I didn’t think it rose to a call-the-mods offense.

He was also wrong and inflammatory about the misgendering thing and got corrected by a mod on that. No, I don’t apologize for something when I’m not wrong (unless that’s the practical thing to do).

It doesn’t avoid them, though. The culture of this board is, and always has been, one of hostility and invalidation if you try to say anything of substance. Assholes will come into the thread and, usually within the scope of the rules but sometimes not, tell you what an idiot you are, etc., in so many words. And it’s not like, you know, fun. This is probably the bigger reason why I have been an anodyne poster for the past 15 years.

Doing this ATMB thread has given me the same dirty feeling I got when I used to try to throw down here. It’s not a good vibe.

I do appreciate that, finally, at least some people in this thread were capable of understanding what I was talking about. Thank you for that!

“Dude”, I literally said take it to the Pit or ATMB… and you took it to ATMB to complain about the other option offered in that sentence?

Is this for real? And you didn’t even have the courtesy to tag me given that I was the one who asked you to take the debate here if you wanted to do so?

Look, I’m on one of those weekend-long dates and I have neither the time nor desire to defend myself at this moment. But this will end, and when it does, I’ll explain myself.

In ATMB. As I said. Which you ignored to complain about the other option offered.

I didn’t want to get into specifics. Other people brought them up.

You’re not a person worth talking to.

Your bragging reads like self-parody. I hope it is.

It ain’t bragging if it’s real.

But go ahead and think that we are all collapsing under the weight of America’s challenges just as you are, if it makes you feel better.

Like I said, I’ll be back. Inna and I are doing karaoke tonight and I gotta practice.

It seems you don’t know how bragging works.

As I said about hostility and invalidation…

Can one put a poster on eternal mute? I have a candidate for that…

This is @engineer_comp_geek’s forum to handle for moderation. But this exchange of personal attacks is getting nowhere, so I’m closing the thread pending his availability.

@JohnT and @Aeschines you two really just can’t resist going after each other, can you?

Fortunately for the two of you, we have a forum for that type of behavior. It’s called the BBQ Pit.

It’s not ATMB. This will remain closed.

If you keep engaging in this behavior outside of the Pit, your posting privileges will come under review.