What godforsaken puny-nut part of the world do you live in? !
Obviously, your frame of reference involves only very miniscule nuts! Down along the Rio Grande, we know how to grow our nuts to a proper and manly size…
http://www.cahe.nmsu.edu/pubs/_h/h-639.html
In the nut business here, size definitely matters!
Plus this bug was no whimp, it was well muscled, pumped up, and oily in appearance; a cockroach Victor Mature if you will, complete with a musky grecian scent. And I didn’t have any fireplace equipment either, only a number 2 pencil. So back the hell off!
GRRRRRRRRRRR
Oh, my … Wow. Mr. Liddy? G. Gordon Liddy? Man, I used to listen to your show all the time. It RULES!
It is still on the air, isn’t it?
I keep all bugs I find in a large jar. Spiders especially.
When I find another bug in the house, I quickly open the jar and slap it over the offending critter, forcing him to enter the jar and engage in life-or-death combat with the current inhabitants of the jar.
Sort of like an insectoid Gladiator, where the combatants have their own built in armor in the form of exoskeletons.
The current champion is a big, hairy, brown-and-black spider. He’s eaten everything I could throw at him.
Maybe he’ll finally lose if I go find a praying mantis. I need some fresh blood to infuse into the matches…the local Romans are beginning to get bored.
Yes, I’m a sadistic little bitch.
And I LOVE every minute of it. 
Definitely[sub]just as long as its not me[/sub]!
Smoosh it, hit it, let the guts fly! Just as long as it doesn’t scuttle by.
Oh, and I think the guts of a cricket or beetle squish out exceptionally well. Tried it both ways and just thinking about it…::shudder:: With the cricket the intestines came out and I could tell what they were.
All together now, “EWWW!”
Martian Ms. Manners says:
In polite company, one should herd the offending pest onto a piece of plain white stationary (watermark optional), crush it discretely, then dispose of the soiled paper.
jaimest, if the cockroach had gone belly up, and didn’t try to right itself, that means it was either dead or dying. You mentioned that the little bugger appeared dazed from pesticide, so I doubt your actions would have mattered either way, in terms of the roach population.
Of course, the correct response is to stomp on sight.
There are people who decorate beetles (but not roaches, I hope) with bright colors and keep them as pets. Whatever they decorate the bugs with lets them live a long time. There was a story about it in my stupid agency’s stupid newsletter a while back, and I think they said the people were getting the decorated bugs from Mexico.
The cleanest way to dispose of the cockroach, and the most theatrically yuccy is to first kick the critter to stun it. Then grab its tentacles and pick it up. If you are exceptionally quiet you can get the roach without step one. Then carry the critter to the toilet. Drop inside. Flush. Wash hands. No roach guts on the floor.
The theatrical part is disgusting your friends by holding the roach in front of them. For more theatrics, toss the roach and watch him fly. Of course, the roach will likely escape.
“tentacles”? :eek:
Where the hell are you from, Road Rash?
[sub]What is it with me opening these damn bug threads today??[/sub]
I, for one, thought it was a written law that all cockroaches, (or just about any insect, but those in particular) should be stomped on immediately after sighting.
Not by me, of course. I am too busy fleeing in the opposite direction to stomp one. Also, the “crunch” they make tends to completely sicken me.
But all others must stomp. Any attempts to save a cockroach life are punishable by spending at least thirty minutes listening to SilkyThreat screaming at the top of her lungs, something akin to the sound of an ambulance siren.
[sub]Now let’s all just chill with the damn bug topics today, please oh pretty please???[/sub]
jaimest, I stand corrected.
Antannaes? Whiskers? Those little hairs sticking out the front.
Come on, I if I really was afraid of an insect, I wouldn’t be telling it to a bunch of strangers…no bug is going to scare me. Well…unless its black and yellow, with buzzsaw like wings, and a 7 inch ovipositor that can bore a hole into my skull while I sleep and deposit 1,000 eggs, which hatch into brain eating larva within 24 hours…
I can’t sleep 
Those are antennas. Whew! For a moment there, I thought you were talking about the spawn of Cthulhu.