We were very serious pretty much from the beginning after being set up on what was basically a blind date by our respective college roommates who were interested in each other.
We were talking one night after a couple of months together and just looked at each other and said at almost the same time something along the lines of “You know we’re going to get married, right”. In my heart we were engaged at that point since it was just a known thing between us. We also knew we wanted to wait to get married until we both finished college in two years for me and one more for her since it would be difficult to be in the same city together during that period.
We got engaged officially about a year and a half later. I did a very cute thing with a series of Tigger (my pet name for her) dolls each holding one word of the big question that ended with one holding the ring and me on one knee. My timing and the way I did it was a surprise that she adored, but we had long before talked through everything and knew exactly where were heading.
My wife and I only knew each other for a month and decided to just do it. Knew virtually nothing about each other and eloped to Las Vegas and came back married. Amazing times then and amazing times now for us. We’ve been married now for 27 years and I love her deeply, and believe she feels the same way about me.
Despite our success it’s not something I generally recommend others do, lol.
The same goes for me too. I knew what the answer was going to be ahead of time. We discussed it at length and we also picked out the ring together, and the proposal was a formality.
My ex wife, then my girlfriend dropped some hints reasonably early in.
I went to a friend who was a jeweller. Got a beautiful custom made diamond ring in a style I knew she would love, based on her love of our local fynbos proteas, silver/palladium set with diamonds.
We had already been in a long term relationship, I think, more than 4 years, we owned a house and a dog together.
The hints started to get stronger, I plucked up the courage, arranged for two friends to set up a table (table clothe and all) on a beautiful remote beach, set with two champagne flutes with a bottle of French champagne.
The friends hid around the corner, as their job was to clean up the table, bottle, glasses etc. I did do the one-legged kneel - I am very cynical in all areas except romance.
To me, it would be absurd and basically impossible to not talk about marriage before popping the question. So we had discussed it, and I knew what the answer for the light-hearted formality would be.
I have discussed marriage with my other SO’s, who I never proposed, as well.
Oh yeah I also meant to say that we’d been dating for 3 years. Yes, a long time but I’d been feeling snake bit before by my first wife who, after 12 years of marriage and 3 kids, decided to walk away from us without any explanation.
So, yes my current wife was very patient with me and she waited 3 years. We’re still married to this day, 24 years later.
Our similarities are uncanny, with the difference being I sort of knew her from various college gatherings. We’d never dated though, she thought I was a party-animal and I thought she was stuck up and not my type.
We fell hard for each other after an unplanned, but memorable evening. Moved in together less than a week later, and I proposed a week after that (had the ring ready). We got married after year as POSSLQs.
Celebrated 46 years a week ago.
As to the OP’s question: We didn’t talk about marriage at all before, and I wasn’t sure she’d say yes.
So I have a story. When I was younger I was dating this woman and we were fairly serious. But I was rather naive. One day out of the blue I asked her to marry me. She said no. I was devastated, and we broke up soon after.
Many years later I was in a serious relationship with another woman, and I wanted to ask her to marry me. But the earlier experience made me cautious. So I felt her out asking her, “hypothetically, if I asked you to marry me, would you say yes?” She responded affirmatively so I formally proposed a week later.
We were in a long distance relationship when she moved out here. While she didn’t put a hard deadline on it, she made clear that she weren’t moving away from her family and into my home just for funsies. It was about 18 months later when I formally proposed, just to wait until we were situated and comfortable in jobs, relationship, etc though we discussed it in the meanwhile.
I recently learned that my wife was not expecting my proposal way back in 1984. We’d been dating for a couple of years, about half of it long-distance due to attending colleges about 400 miles apart. My recollection is that we had discussed marriage somewhat obliquely while we were dating, so when I proposed I was reasonably sure she’d accept. Now, some 40+ years later, she says it was completely unexpected. I was sure enough that I had had a ring made with a stone my mom had given to me that had been given to her by her mother (who died when mom was 10). I don’t know whose memory is more accurate, but I’m sure glad she said ‘yes’.
Sure thing? Hell no.
My now wife and I were living about 800 miles apart when I proposed. I invited her to visit to help me move. We were not even officially going together, but we had know each other for 5 1/2 years and kept on seeing each other when possible, which was not often. Visits always went great, but we could not align our lives to be near each other. We started talking again when my hamster died, and I sensed that she was ready for this kind of change.
I asked her the first night of her visit, and she said yes. I don’t think her parents even knew where she was, they were surprised, and my parents had never met her and were not all that interested in my life, and they were surprised.
Neither the guy who married us or any of our friends probably gave our marriage five years. It’s been 47.
Now I know my kids discussed it, and they were also living with their boyfriends, so they did it the normal way.