Nothing is quite in stone yet, but I’ve been throwing around the idea of a marriage proposal. I was very insecure in the beginning of our relationship and bitterly laughed off any talk at all of getting married EVER (to him or anyone else). At the time, he seemed to want to be married someday, but he hasn’t really mentioned it since I so heartlessly scoffed at the idea.
It’s been about a year and a half now, and I’m finding more and more that I really would like a proposal. Of course, after the way I acted out before… I haven’t gotten much more than “If we ever got married, I’d totally want to go to Vegas” out of him, which is completely understandable.
So I figure the ball is in my court, right? Our 1 year anniversary of “I Love You’s” is coming up in early June, and I’m seeeeeriously considering popping the question.
This is completely uncharted territory for myself and anyone I know, really.
So I guess I’m just looking for advice, success stories and even the occasional horror story.
As a woman, have you or would you ever propose?
Men, would it bother you if your girlfriend proposed to you?
Ring? No ring? Ring for myself and a note that says “Go ahead and ask me”?
The girl I dated in college proposed to me. We had talked about it a lot and were fairly certain it was going to happen. I was still in school and she had alread started working. There was no will you marry me. It was more like, “you will be graduating in May. How about a June wedding?” I found it nice that I didn’t have to sweat out asking. I said yes. Alas she died in a car accident before it ever happened. That was 12 years ago.
That’s kind of what I think may happen here if I don’t make the move.
I’m thinking of getting him a zippo (Since he’s always losing his non-descript disposable lighters to roomates and myself) with “marry me, k?” engraved on it.
That way if he says yes, he’s got a great reminder of the night… and if he says no, I can ask for it back and set him on fire. cough
It’s okay, I’m sorry man. =( That’s the kind of thing that you never think might happen… but it does and I’m glad she made the move and showed you how much she appreciated and loved you. My sincerest condolences, that’s the kind of thing you never really get over. =(
Tanookie, you guys were engaged for five years? Wow.
Malkavia, it doesn’t matter what any of the rest of us would or wouldn’t do, because it’s not our life or our relationship. YOU know what works for you two far better than any of us ever could, and what works for the two of you is what matters here.
When we got engaged, Dr.J popped the question, and that was the end of it until four months later I turned to him one day and asked, “So when do you want to get married, anyway?” Wouldn’t have worked for a lot of people, but it worked for us, and that was the important thing.
According to Miss Manners (Judith Martin), women have been proposing to men for centuries. Classically, the woman would say “My father says we should stop seeing each other. People are beginning to talk.”
We started dating when we were 18. Got engaged just a few months later. Decided the wedding should wait until he finished college and we could actually support ourselves. Besides, his parents practically had heart attacks when they discovered we were planning to get married. Something about being young and in school and me being the first girl he ever dated…
If you want to ask him, go for it. Before Mr. Toes, I had proposed to a long-time boyfriend. He shot me down. It was rough, after that I wondered how guys get the cojones to ask us girls at all. I like the lighter idea, very creative and personable. And that’s half the fun, right?
Mr. Toes and I decided to get married by mutual decision but it was really me who asked. A month later, he showed up on bended knee with a ring. I had no problem asking him to marry me and he seemed to enjoy it. He had to be creative with the engagement ring since we were already engaged (but without the jewelry).
I’ve been planning the last couple of weeks to do this myself. We’ve been “officially” dating for a year come Sunday; a few months ago we had the “are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yes, we ought to get married at some point” conversation; and I’m thinking it’s time to start on more concrete plans. Wish me luck.
I’m figuring it’ll go something like Podkayne’s conversation.
Wow, thank you for the overwhelmingly positive response. Jellytoes, it means alot to hear from someone who tried it, didn’t get the intended response, and didn’t like… spontaneously combust from the pressure. I honestly don’t know how guys do this. I’ll be lucky to avoid a panic attack.
I intend to ask on June 7th, but I’m getting the lighter made this weekend to help keep me from backing out. Aaahh.
laugh He’d love that speech. My dad will prolly be all, “But things are so GOOD between you two… why taint it with marriage?!”
CrazyCatLady, you’re right. It is different for every relationship. I think I’m just nervous… and then on top of being nervous, I did a search for proposals yesterday and read through like 50 proposal stories on this board, and not ONE from a woman. I guess it made me feel a little out of place.
Oy. I spent the whole time that I was engaged terrified that my husband-to-be might die. I figured that was pretty normal, but apparently it’s not. I know two people who’s fiance’s died before the wedding. In both cases, the fact that the actual wedding hadn’t taken place yet caused some big problems. People say “it’s just a piece of paper,” but that piece of paper can be pretty damned important, especially since in both cases, there were considerable estates to settle. I was quite relieved once we were actually hitched, so that if something horrible were to happen, I’d at least be officially the wife.
Okay, back to the topic.
There’s nothing weird at all about a woman proposing marriage. As others have suggested, it happens more than we think. I like the lighter idea. That’s funny and sweet.
But you don’t have to necessarily pop the question in order to let him know that you’re not as anti-marriage as you seemed to be at first. You could always say to him something like “Remember how I said that I never wanted to get married? Well, as I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve realized that I may have been wrong. I never thought I’d get married because I never thought there were people like you out there.” Or some such. See how he reacts. At least you will have given him some warning for when you do propose!
Please do it, and report back to us!
I honestly don’t know how guys do this. I’ll be lucky to avoid a panic attack.