Wow. I don’t knwo how guys do it either. I can conceive of a situation where I’d grow the balls and ask…but this is a topic that I’m actually pretty traditional. I
want guy to go ask my dad for permission (Dad would respond “Um…why are you asking me…ask my daughter, its her life.” but I want it anyway. If only for the confusion on my Dad’s face.)
I want a ring. (And while I don’t have a guy picked out, I do have the ring picked out. I had a guy for a bit, but he wasn’t as well suited to me as the ring.)
And I want no warning. I love the undercover, James Bondesque mission tactics. Usually, a date consists of “Hey, lets go to dinner.” and me wearing a nice shirt.
What’s odd is that I don’t want a fancy wedding, I want a barbeque with a moment of silence and an exchange of rings. I do want the whole ‘on bended knee’ bit for the asking.
So yeah, good on you for going for it! the lighter idea is priceless! Tell us how it goes!
Well, as a result of this thread, I think I might start worrying more now. Fortunately, neither of us have much and we both get along well with one anothers family, but it would still be an immeasurably tragedy.
I think I might bring it up, if I can figure out how to do it without it resulting in the full marriage talk, leaving me with a cute lighter and no reason to pop it out.
My son was more than helpful. A month or so ago Jon came out of our bedroom and said, “Tyler wants to know when we’re getting married. Hehe.” :smack:
Haha, I love it. =) I have everything but the ring all figured out. Over the last month or so I’ve written the vows I want to use, figured out my outfit & bouquet and found at least half a dozen places I’d be willing to have it done at.
Honestly, the engagement ring isn’t a big deal to me, which makes asking a bit easier, I suppose. I’d rather just have matching Claddagh’s or simple titanium bands. But definitely something that can be picked out later on. =)
Wait until Sadie Hawkin’s Day, and efiin y’all kin ketch him in that thar’ race, y’all gets to keep him, no matter whut he may have ter say on th’ subjeck’.
malkaviahere is the page that my personal fav ring is on. I’m a titanium fan as well and this ocmpany is so creative and elegant (and fun!) I haven’t bought anything from them yet (poor) but I have spoken with people at thier workshop and they were super helpful and sweet. As soon as I have the money, I will be a customer of theirs.
Not at all weird for the woman to propose, and I like the lighter idea, too.
I sort of proposed to SuaSponte. We were talking about me moving from NYC to Florida to live with him. I said I wouldn’t do it unless we had more of a commitment. That was the first time we agreed that we would get married.
We didn’t “officially” get engaged until this past September, when I moved down here. We went to a jeweler together and I picked out a ring. Then I suggested that he should propose on the beach, which he did.
I’ll admit, I don’t really get the whole “proposal” thing. It seems to me that if the relationship is serious enough that you’d want to get married, and it’s actually a good idea, it shouldn’t be a big deal–and if it’s a surprise that your partner wants to get married to you, how much attention have you actually been paying to the relationship? With me and Mr. Cameron it was “well, there’s this health insurance thing.” and the answer was, “Okay, I’ll get the license.” No stress. I know some people like the cute stuff, the “surprises” (like I said, if it’s really a surprise, how much attention have you been paying??) and things, but if Mr. Cameron had done that I’d have been pretty weirded out. It just wouldn’t have been him, or me for that matter, and I’m not with him because I want him to be someone else. If that makes sense. So whatever you do, be yourself. Do what seems right to you, not what you think everyone else does, or what someone thinks you should do, or what you think he wants you to do, because it’s you he’s going to marry, not some idealized version of you. That didn’t come out right, I hope you know what I mean.
I don’t think it matters who brings it up. What matters is that each of you is honest about what you want out of the relationship, and where you think the relationship is now.
The first guy I proposed to (that shot me down) was a rough situation. We had been together for about 3 years. A year before he went through this thing of ‘I don’t really know what I want in life and I want to explore’. So, he explored and we got back together.
At the time I proposed, things were going okay and I wanted to know that we would be together for the long haul. I did not know that he was still in the ‘exploring’ mentality. We had a nice evening, I asked him to marry me, and he said that he wasn’t ready for that.
A few months later I figured I wasn’t getting what I needed from the relationship and he was getting more than enough. I broke it off, felt immediately relieved (always a sign that you’ve made the right choice) and moved on. From what I hear, he is still in deep regret over the demise of our relationship. Good for him.
The second guy I asked to marry me (the magnificent Mr. Toes) was an entirely different story. We had known each other for about 3 months (felt like forever, tho). We kept having those ‘Are you thinking what I’m thinking moments?’ But I was the first one to break the silence and ask. I hate having things in the air like that. And it felt right.
Mr. Toes picked out the ring himself, with some very vague suggestions from me. I didn’t even know about it. I came home from class one night and he was there, on one knee with the ring box in hand. It was beautiful and unexpected.
BTW, the ring is titanium with gold inlay. I love it! I would suggest that if you get a titanium ring you go for the matte or brushed finish. Mine has/had a polished finish and it scratches waaaay too easily (not something you would expect from a material that is used in aircraft, so a heads up).
I proposed to furthur. We’d been together for a year and a half, a year of it living together. I was vacationing back at my parents’ for about six weeks that summer. While we were apart, I decided to pop the question. Recorded a bunch of Beatles’ songs on a tape. First or second letters of each song, in order, spelled out ‘Will you marry me?’
He said yes, obviously. We’ve been married for 10 1/2 years, together for 12, have two kids.
No, I don’t think women proposing is weird. Isn’t that why women have striven for equal opportunities? And besides. Who cares if someone else thinks it’s weird? Nuts to them, anyway.
Oh, and no, I don’t have a ring. Neither does he. We were v. poor grad students at the time. My wedding band cost about 35 bucks, but as far as I’m concerned, I could throw it in the ocean tomorrow and be every bit as married without it on.
I asked Winnie to marry me with the question on a coffee cup with flowers in it. I figured if she didn’t want to she could pretend to not notice it. I even had it delivered so if she really didn’t want to she could put the flowers over in the corner and not bring the subject up (was I insecure about this or what?)
Anyway, I forgot whom I was dealing with. Despite making her promise to be at the apartment at a specific time, she wasn’t so the flower delivery guy had no idea what to do (I was hiding around a corner watching). The poor guy must have stood around for about 15 minutes looking at his watch and then looking at the cup and then…
I eventually walked up and took the cup away from the delivery guy. He didn’t want to give it up either. He knew it was supposed to go to this girl and now a guy wanted it. What was he supposed to do. I finally convinced him I was the guy proposing and he grugingly gave it to me. Forty five minutes later I found Winnie.
Of course I called in everyone including the campus cops to find her and sure enough she was in the library studying. I got her home and she saw the flowers sitting on the coffee table and hugged me and kissed me and said I was “so sweet.”
By this time the pressure was getting to me so I muttered “look at the cup”. She, of course, thought I said “look at the card” and went about looking for a card. The only one she could find was the one from the florist that said “Dickinson Floral”. Now I was “so sweet” because I chose a really nice florist. Finally I grabbed the cup, held it in front of her face and pointed at the words.
She broke up crying and hugged me and kissed me and hugged me and cried some more and then called her girlfriends. The one thing she never did was tell me yes or no. We were married about six months later, and on our 10th anniversary. She gave me a cup with the word “yes” printed on it.
She has been frustrating my carefully laid plans every since then too.
I didn’t propose to RickQ, but I did tell him I thought we should get married. He said he just wasn’t ready. Honestly, that wasn’t as hard to hear as I would have thought. We talked about it and I said I understood, but that I knew he would be ready someday, just not now. It was fine, because I really believed that. About two months later, he asked me to marry him. Because he did the actual asking, he gets the credit.
My husband did propose to me… sort of… but it was so low-key that I can’t even pinpoint exactly when it was. We had been together about a month, and he started making jokes about being married someday. I guess he framed them as jokes so that if I objected he could claim he wasn’t serious. After a few days I started realizing that he wasn’t joking, and that it didn’t sound like a bad idea to me either. We had a do-it-yourself ceremony a year to the day after we met, and our 2nd anniversary is coming up at the end of the month.
In context - MaxBabe and I have had a running joke that she’s got a week-to-week lease. Whenever she does something good, nice or just plain cool, I turn to her and say, “MaxBabe, I reckon you’ll get a few more weeks for that!”. Whenever she says something putzy (usually in jest, I might add), I say, “right, you just lost a week!”. Eventually it graduated to “you just earnt/lost a month”.
I’d been thinking about it for a while. After I returned from a business trip, we were cuddling in bed and she said something nice and then said, “so, do I get another week?”. I responded with, “I was thinking more along the lines of fifty or sixty years”. A short conversation ensued, after which I said “You realise I’ve just asked you to marry me”. She said, “I don’t want any committment ceremony shit” (we’re both very unromantic). I said, “Honey, I don’t want any of that committment ceremony shit either. I just want to spend the rest of my life with you”. She said “Me too!”
It’s all very cool! Ask your SO! Don’t wait, don’t let it slide, don’t hope that he’ll ask you first. If it’s right, just do it.