# Prove it!

Racism does not exist

1. For racism to exist, one must be able to distinguish between different groups.
2. All people are equal.
3. You can’t distinguish between two equal things.
Therefore, racism cannot exist.

Soviet Russia did not exist

1. A perfect society is impossible.
2. Soviet Russia claimed to be a perfect society
Therefore, Soviet Russia did not exist.

Equal is not the same as identical. equal things can be distinguised. 100 pennies equals a one dollar bill. The two, however, are distinguishable.
Claims of X are not the same as X.

Equal is not the same as identical. Equal things can be distinguised. 100 pennies equals a one dollar bill. The two, however, are distinguishable.
Claims of X are not the same as X.

q.e.d.

But did racism exist in Soviet Russia? [/straightman]

power = work/time
time=money
knowledge=power
knowledge=work/money
money=work/knowledge

Therefore, the best way to make money is work hard or be incredibly stupid. Preferably both.

God is omnipotent.
Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Therefore, God is absolutely corrupt. Omnicorrupt, in fact.
Near light speed travel slows time.
Time is money.
Therefore, relativistic travel causes recessions.

Ah but there is a small error in the calculation

money is the root of all evil

so Girls are all evil is the more correct conclusion.

If 1+1=2, racism and Soviet Russia have never existed.
1+1=2.
Therefore, racism and Soviet Russia have never existed.
See how easy this can get?

Five hundred years ago, people only ate natural foods
I’m not here

I’m not at work.
I’m not at my house.
I’m not out having fun.
If I’m not at work, not at my house, and not out having fun, I must be somewhere else.
If I’m somewhere else, I can’t be ‘here’.

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

(Copied from elsewhere on the net–unknown origin)

There exists a simple medical procedure that will guarantee you don’t die from cancer or heart disease. Unfortunately all western governments insist on making this procedure illegal, though a few do run tests of the procedure on convicted fellons.

All people are equal, but some are more equal than others.

Soviet Russia certainly did not exist. Did you mean the Soviet Union?

A plane on a treadmill cannot take off, because a plane that is airborne would no longer be on the treadmill, and a plane that is still on the treadmill would not be airborne.

If you put a treadmill on a plane, you can break the sound barrier before it does.

If you hold a cat over a body of water, such as a bathtub, and let go, the cat will rise vertically. If there were no ceiling, the cat would theoretically rise indefinitely. An array of cats strapped to a rocket that is suspended over a pool could propel said rocket into orbit. And the rocket would always land on its feet.

The less you know, the more you learn.
The more you learn, the more you know.
The more you know, the more you forget.
The more you forget, the less you know.

Why freakin’ bother?

Oh yeah? Well, in Soviet Russia, post makes YOU!

"All events happen before 2008."

This statement has so far been confirmed by every event in the history of the universe.

Therefore, by the principle of logical induction, it is strongly confirmed and almost certainly true.

Therefore the universe will end in less than a year.

Fire engines are red

Why? Because:
*Fire engines have 8 wheels and 4 people on them
*8 + 4 = 12
*12 inches equals a foot
*A ruler is a foot long
*Queen Elizabeth was a ruler
*Queen Elizabeth is a ship
*A ship sails on the sea
*Fish swim in the sea
*Fish have fins
*The Finns fought the Russians
*The Russians were communists, who were red
*Fire engines are always rushin’ around
Ergo: Fire engines are red.

Julius Caesar was a great general.
Great generals are forewarned.
Forewarned is forearmed.
Therefore, Julius Caesar had four arms.

Four is an even number.
Four is an odd number of arms to have.
The only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
Therefore, Julius Caesar had an infinite number of arms.