My favorite experience was at a IHOP in Shreveport, LA where the server seated my wife and me next to her deadbeat ex-husband (he dropped off the grid to keep from paying child support). It was one of the banquette seats where there’s two tables next to each other but you share the same bench seat. Yeah, I should have asked to be seated somewhere else, but I wanted to be classy. A very uncomfortable 30 minutes.
I’m a cook/dishwasher at a family-owned restaurant/bar. I do run food sometimes so I have some idea what’s going on in the front. Frankly, the service at this restaurant often sucks. The waitresses are outright mean sometimes, the bartender is a hype, and you’re lucky if somebody calls you “baby” or “honey” instead of “hey you”. It is dark and old and not always the cleanest.
However, we have a line outside (NO RESERVATIONS! EVER!) almost every night. The food is widely considered amazing, the drinks are cheap and for some reason people like the ambiance. The owners’ usual attitude is that if people have a problem with us, they can suck a dick and go to Margaritaville. There will still be plenty of customers who like us, and don’t mind some uneven service and brusqueness. I find this refreshing- in customer service jobs I have worked before, the squeaky wheel customers who complain about everything get all the attention and freebies while the nice people are pretty much ignored.
I could see the sitting or crouching thing if it was a really loud environment and it aided clear communication. But if the staff are instructed to do it then that sounds like the management is doing what they read in the latest “How to make a fortune in the service industry” management consultant bullshit and don’t really know what the hell they’re doing.
About once a year my GF and I go to a little family-run Italian place. The waiter/part-owner calls me ‘boss’, shakes my hand, and kisses my GF on both cheeks. We’ve no problem with any of that, the food is great, and the house wine comes in generous 1 litre bottles.
ETA to my post above: Not that I’m saying the server should have known this. Just a weird story is all.
And what’s the deal with airline peanuts? I mean, who are they trying to keep out of these things?
I’ve had to endure “experience dining” waiters crouching to take my order, in an unwitting throwback to the “bunny dip.” I’ve been the only customer in new & soon-to fail restaurants where the owner came out to make conversation in a sad bid to assuage their sense of impending doom. I’ve lived in the US West, where insulting the customers in small diners is a matter of pride (OK - that last one is kind of fun).
I believe waitstaffing will be made obsolete by phone apps in the near future. Currently it’s mainly for pizza and Starbucks, which I don’t care for. But when it reaches further out, count me in as an early adapter.
I always thought the sitting down thing was a pseudo-flirty thing waitresses did to guys to garner extra tips.
Do they do that to women as well?
I’ve never been offended by it. I work on my feet for 12 hours at a stretch. And I know that being able to sit down, even for a few seconds, is pure heaven.
So even if it isn’t a flirty thing, I tend to give them a break.
As a person who has spent a lifetime as a server let me just say, you’re not entirely wrong. They should not speak so familiarly with you, call you ‘guys’ or ‘babe’. Nor should they be cleaning, near where you are eating.
Let me just say though, if you bring it to their attention, during your meal, they are going to clean it, right then, so as not to appear indifferent to your complaint. Not the smartest thing to do, for the reasons you stated, but you can understand their attempting to please you, and show that your complaint will be addressed immediately.
The hard truth is that you’re in a diner, expecting to be treated like you’re in a 4 star restaurant. If you want servers who are not overly familiar, nary a dustball, and the savvy to not clean in front of the customers, then quit eating in diners.
If these things are this important to you, such that you leave in the middle of your meal, then frequent a better class of restaurant. If you want diner prices, then quit expecting high performance service. What you’ll get is friendly and efficient, if you need more, pay for it.
And feeling free enough to speak up about dust bunnies, but unable to speak up and say, "Could you possibly do that, after I’ve left?’, makes you seem quite petty.
This statement argues that chain food tastes like fast food. It doesn’t argue that it is fast food. (Which it can’t be. They could serve you leftover potato peelings and as long as you get table service, it’s not fast food; just really shitty food.)
The worst one for me is:
I don’t really care to be touched by strangers especially when I know the purpose for doing so is to extract more money. So every time a waitron touches me, my mind goes immediately to TOUCH=MORE MONEY and I don’t want a prostitute bringing my food. 
That said, I know some friends who loathe being called Sir or Ma’am. It makes them feel old. Moreover, some peoples genders aren’t immediately discernable and they might take pecuniary umbrage with that faux pas.
This is always the most entertaining part of Yelp reviews, the people who write a seething review of the corner dive blues bar complaining about the microwaved frozen food and lack of a “decent wine list,” or bitch about the rude service and unintelligibility of the waiters at that hole-in-the-wall in Chinatown. These dumb fucks completely fail to take into account where they are and seem to fully expect a Michelin-star-worthy-“dining experience” at every establishment they honor with their patronage.
Oh don’t get me started on Yelp reviews.
There are an awful lot of 3 star “everything was excellent” reviews. Seriously? Your words say excellent but you give it average stars? Clearly you don’t understand how this works.
One place near where I work had a 1 star review because someone arrived when the place was packed and standing room only due to an event nearby (that the reviewed wasn’t attending). Why? Because it took 3-5 minutes to get a drink at the bar and that was horrible service and totally unacceptable and she’ll never go back! :rolleyes:
Yeah, I saw a Yelp review of one of our higher class restaraunts here near the beach. Excellent food, service, and atmosphere every time I’ve been. They received a one-star rating because they wouldn’t seat the party with wet swimsuits.
By the way, I’ve heard that the cute little smiley face on the back of the bill with the waitress’s signature (I’ve never seen it with a waiter) is supposed to increase the tip too.
It does strike me as a slightly Hooters-ish, strip-clubby gimmick. Didn’t know they did it at Outback, but I haven’t been in one for the past 10 years or so.
Do they also put their hands on your arms, tousle your hair, and talk about the college degree they’re working toward?
What is this? Some kind of after dinner mint?
Oh, don’t get me started! Back when I was in my early twenties, I went into a coffee shop to order the fruit-and-sherbet salad. The attractive young lady behind the counter called me “luv” in a British accent, and the following week I bought her a gold necklace.
Did you do any good?
Of course it did. He got extra fruit salad the next time he went in.
Eat at home. We don;t want you eating with the rest of us if you are an asshole customer.
I’ve been on this earth long enough to realize that my personal idea of interaction may not meet eye-to-eye with anyone else’s, so for service it’s pretty simple:
Did I get good service? Yes? Good.
Everything else is a chance to experience something new, including how people treat each other outside what I might consider normal. For me that’s a treat.