I think this isn’t unusual. Many people seeking therapy are actually in crisis, and/or may be barely making through the day. Besides, the therapeutic relationship is an unusual one. The traditional ideas of personal boundaries may not apply well.
Standards for therapists have to take into account the ways in which the patient might not be as robust or as able to handle inappropriate requests appropriately.
It is not normal to require it.
For some assessments it’s very helpful. When I was being assessed for autism they wanted a parent to fill out a questionnaire. They wanted two people actually but nobody in my family still alive was my older brother so that’s what they got. Because some important markers for autism show up when you’re a child and can help separate that from conditions like borderline personality disorder and social anxiety disorder it helps to know if markers were present for ASD early on. Which they were but my brother didn’t really remember much other than that I was very quiet and kind of quirky even as a kid.
But I mean the questionnaire wasn’t required to BE assessed and I’ve never experienced anything like this as an adult and I’ve seen multiple psychiatrists as my insurance would change and not cover them.
I recently had a diagnostic psychological evaluation (for ADHD) and at no time did the psychologist want to speak to anyone in my family. I’ve also seen multiple therapists, psychiatrists, and other assorted mental health professionals and the only one who ever asked to speak to a family member wanted me to bring my spouse to a session because we had some stuff to hash out. Once.
Probably to some degree. But the bigger issue is just a lack of psychiatrists, and thus a lack of time to do counseling. They need to cover as many patients as possible, often with only 15 minute appointments, and delegate out the talk therapy to therapists and psychologists. They may even work with a team. (Though, quite often the psychiatrist is on staff at multiple counselling places.)
Though, of course, the lack of psychiatrists can probably be traced at least partly to financial issues linked with insurance.
The only proper way to do therapy is to insist on living with the patient and his relatives for a month, in order to document behavior and family dynamics.
Ethically speaking, the therapist would need to pay for meals and laundry, while rigorously refraining from taking part in arguments or confrontations.
Like the movie Anger Management.
Or the show The Patient!
ADHD diagnoses sometimes involve speaking to or distributing questionnaires to people who knew you as a child (ADHD being a developmental disorder, part of differential diagnosis is figuring out if you have always had the problem) and people who live in the same household. At least, that’s how it went for me, however it wasn’t a requirement and we did not survey anyone from childhood since my parents are crazy. My husband was interviewed, however. I found that useful.
In the OP’s case, it sounds sketchy to me. Suggesting is one thing. Requiring, before you even get to know a client, is bonkers. Though I can’t help but wish someone would call me so I can explain what’s wrong with some of my family members! My mother was really good at concealing the truth from her therapists.
Jfc. I know through professional association several psychology PhDs who do systematic work (systematic actually appears in our organization’s mission statement) and it didn’t for a second cross my mind that this is what your potential therapist was up to.
Because not one of these 2 dozenish doctors would fail to be 100% up front about how they help you and your system (for the OP their family, and for minors and adults under guardianship family or group home plus school and/or day placement). There’s a lot that can be uncomfortable in systematic work but nothing secretive because it’s only effective if you get reasonable buy in from everyone involved. They explain it the best they can even to clients with moderate to severe intellectual impairment, so the fact that this person tried to jump in without explanation to a person who has no intellectual impairments is even more suspect.