Perhaps this has been done before, and if you’re not a guilty party, kindly disregard, thanks.
Today’s activities included a trip to the parcel store where I drop off items sold on eBay for FedEx shipping. I parked in the lot and carried a few large boxes, one at a time, into the store, waved to the counter folks, and headed out the door. At this point, I observed Fuck McTard parking in the FIRE LANE before entering the same store to stand in line with a few items no larger than a shoebox. Although he looked to be at least 20 years my junior, I guess he couldn’t manage the 30’ walk from proper parking spaces.
At my next stop, I park in the mostly empty parking lot and walk past an idling, empty Acura, again located in the FIRE LANE. Inside the store is a dimwitted bitch who thinks rules don’t apply to her, completing her oh-so-important transaction.
For the sake of review, here are the rules:
You may park in a FIRE LANE if you are
- Fire apparatus, including engines, trucks, Chief’s cars, and so forth
- EMS equipment-ambulances and such
- Police cruisers, marked and unmarked
the above three predicated on being at that occupancy for official business-not picking up your lunch, shopping there, or other unofficial bullshit. If you’re doing that, stop it! You’re a fuckwit who makes the rest of us in emergency services look bad.
If you’re a member of the general public, it’s fine to pause in a fire lane to drop off or pick up 1 or more passengers. Unless it’s posted as a loading zone, don’t use it as such. Additional do nots include
- Waiting for someone while they shop
- Sleeping
- Reading
- Repairing your car
- Just running in for one thing
- Just running in for a minute
- Just thinking you’re better than everyone else
If you do any of the above, Fuck You! Fuck you in the asshole with dried corncobs! This self-entitlement makes my anger blaze with the heat of a turpentine enema! I don’t give a flying fuck if you’re young, old, rich, poor, skinny, fat, male, female, GLBT, black, white, or motherfucking paisley- park your goddamned shitmobile in the proper fucking space and walk to the goddamned store like you should have been taught. If your parents were too dismally stupid to teach you that, then fuck them, too.
If you disagree with my thesis, then I pray your dog vomits something nasty and staining on your new berber carpeting, paranormal forces bend all of your teaspoons, wild pigs empty their bowels into your chest of drawers, and your significant other leaves you to join the circus, along with posting your private video on YouTube, such that you become the subject of derision at your workplace.
whew That felt good!
The preceding is a public service rant. Please don’t behave like an asshole, e.g. you’re better than everyone else, and the world will be a slightly better place. Thank you.