Lots of good advice and tips here. Maybe I should have this moved to MPSIMS since the main question has been answered but I would like to continue this discussion.
Thanks!
(Could a Mod move this to MPSIMS please?)
Not sure if this would work for you, but let me throw my two cents into the mix: my husband and I have a townhouse in Centreville (just south of Chantilly, and a 10-20 minute commute) that we will be looking at renting out starting in February (we are moving to a foreign location, also for the government, for at least 3 years). If you wanted to rent rather than buy, that might be an option: Centreville is a nice location with a lot of very kid-friendly neighborhoods. (PM me if you’re interested.)
The fact that your wife will be working in Alexandria does have me concerned, though-- Chantilly to Alexandria is an hour commute at the best of times. You may need to look further in, which would give you less house for the money, or switch things so that you’re the POC for the kids.
I think Jurph has a good suggestion to rent for a year - that way you can see if you like the area where you are living and if the commute is tolerable for both of you. You can also take that year to save what money you can and also decide if you like your jobs enough to stay for more than 4 years. I don’t see any financial advantage at all to buying a house if you aren’t going to stay for longer than that.
Would there be any possibility of your wife telecommuting? There has been a shift in recent years (even among federal agencies) to more telecommuting and flextime because of the disaster that rush hour is in that area.
For rentals that allow pets, try http://www.apartments.com. You can use the advanced search function to filter for places that allow large dogs, and you can also filter for single family homes, condos/townhomes/duplexes and can include private rentals. Craigslist is also a good place to look, and your military family services agency may also be able to help. Places like the SPCA in the area you are looking to rent in will also often have lists of pet-friendly rentals.
We moved from southeastern VA to NC with two large dogs and needed a short-term rental - the Internet saved our bacon in that regard. I can’t imagine how much time we would have had to spend poring through newspaper ads and making phone calls otherwise. We found a very nice apartment that was willing to accept us all. 