I was giving my yellow Lab a good scratching yesterday as he stood there, bracing himself (he likes me to dig my nails in). When I finished, he did a little leap in the air towards me, wagging his tail. I laughed out loud.
As to random shoes by the roadside, behold, the Perfect Master speaks: Why do you always see just one shoe by the side of the road? - The Straight Dope
So somebody explain the scrunchy phenomenon to me. I see these things everywhere. My wife has picked up and defunked at least a dozen for her own use, but the question is: “How do these things escape people’s hairdos in such large numbers?” There must be some sort of clever use for these things, if one were only able to come up with one.
donut hole cozy
fashionable collar for guinea pig
hot dog holder for black-tie dinners
poodle leggings (requires four)
Hey lurkers, we need another CAT in here!
No one has ever been “hanged” by their own, or anyone else’s petard. A petard was a small breaching bomb used to create access into a fortified place. “Hoist on his own petard” means the fuse was too short, he failed to escape and got blown up into the air.
“Petard” comes from a middle French word meaning to fart. Today, it is a French word for a firecracker (P-80s?).
So if you’ve been “petarded” does that mean you got stuck between two old farts?
Oh, wow, man, I think “mental petardation” is having your mind blown.
I heard that “reintarnation” is when you have a second life as a hillbilly.
I got in trouble at church camp for sneaking a baby goat into my cabin.
When I was about 9, my girlfriend and I stole some chicks from the local science museum because we heard they were destined to be snake food, and that just seemed wrong to us. (We did eventually return them, when they assured us we had heard wrong.)
A father squirrel says to his wastrel son:
“I’m suspending your allowance! No more almonds, cashews, filberts or macadamias”
The son replies:
“NO! Please, don’t cut off my nuts!”
I hear Harlan Pepper talkin’.
I kid you not:
A dream I had last night–I checked into a hotel, elevatored up 3 or 4 floors, and, to get to my room, had to navigate around a fully decorated Xmas tree poised on top of a massive stack of empty liquor boxes.
I swear, no more double chocolate chip cookies before bed. MAN, oh man. :eek:
Well, now we all know what you want Santa to bring you this year.
Yeah, like I’m waiting 'til December 25.
Anyone understand why this headline is sort of funny?
Kennewick Man Hit Pedestrian at 72mph
My sister in law and I play this game to see who can put the oddest combination of items on the grocery belt, to make the cashier think, “what in the world is she going to do with this?”
She bought tampons and green peppers once, but I had her beat with 2 tubes of Monistat and a sponge mop (a yeast infection for an elephant?)
LOVE this!
I was in a grocery store late one night to pick up rolls for an office pot-luck the next day. I had ten packages of rolls plus a new toy for my cat. When the cashier got to the last item, the toy, I commented with a straight face, “Cats eat bread, right?”
She looked stunned. I just left without even telling her I was kidding.
My cat would carefully remove one piece of kibble at a time with her paw, dragging it over the edge of the bowl and onto the floor, where she would eat it. Changing bowls made no difference.
My pet rabbit eats more fresh fruit in a day than I do in a week. Where do rabbits find pineapple in the wild? 
In pineapple trees!