Andromeda Ascendant - she’s a sentient AI - I think that counts. The ability to blow up a planet is a useful skill. And her avatar kicks ass.
The Lady - cause everyone can use a little luck.
Stitch - Cute. Fuzzy. Indestructible.
A skutter (Bob for preference) - Those little guys can do ANYTHING
Jayne (and Vera) - muscle. Comic relief.
My feeling is that having OTHER supervillains bent on world domination is a mistake. Kayser Soze isn’t gonna just do what you tell him for very long – sooner or later, it’ll be you or him. What you need is mission or task-oriented types who don’t have huge plans of their own. With that in mind:
James BondIf you have a mission, he’s the guy to accomplish it, if anyone can.
Mr. SpockPeople who can come up with plans are a dime a dozen. People who can pick out the holes in those plans and suggest ways to fix them and who will honestly and unfailingly do so … priceless!
Lara CroftRelentlessly determined when she’s on a mission, fun to have around when she’s not on a mission.
Silver SurferDarned near omnipotent, very mission-oriented, when you can keep him focussed on his task.
Jenna JamesonI have my reasons …
I decided to limit myself to characters from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels.
Lord Vetinari: Hey, he already runs one of the most chaotic cities known to L-Space! He’s ruthless, intelligent, and a very good assassin too. Plus, he hates mimes.
Leonard da Quirm: The ultimate gadget man. The only drawback is, I can’t tell him that I’d actually use his “Device for subjugating a largish metropolis (with corkscrew)”.
Susan Sto Helit: As Death’s grand-daughter, she has THE VOICE, so she can be very pursuasive. She’s also very, very sensible.
The Librarian: He’s the perfect combination of muscle and brains, provided you can figure out what the hell “Ook” means.
Cohen the Barbarian: He’s been adventuring so long, he’s literally become a legend in his own time. As long as we keep the liniment coming, he’ll keep fighting.
Captain Jack Sparrow - for all around pirate skills, plus he could talk his way out of anything.
**Mad Max **- tough as nails and I need a good wheel man.
Jaws - aquatic muscle, plus how badass would it be to be the team with a shark? really badass, that’s how.
Spike - All the fun of Angel’s powers, but without the brooding.
Det. Frank Drebin - Solid disguise skills, plus you could just send him into your opponent’s hideout and it would inevitably blow up… for some reason.
The exta cool movie theme:
Jules Winnfield of Pulp Fiction–Has there ever been a smoother hitman? Knows a good burger when he tastes one too.
Mr. Shhh of Things you do in Denver when you’re Dead–Looks puny, but packs a whallop. (Steve Buscemi is incredible)
The Blues Brothers–Who else do you want driving the getaway car?
Verbal Kint of The Usual Suspects–No one suspects his involvement, he’s incredibly intelligent, and the perfect leader of the group.
Dirty Harry–Super freakin’ cool. He gets to do the talking for the group, because he never engages in pleonasm.
You simply can’t out-cool those cool cats.
Veronica Lodge - for the $$$'s and the bikini value… plus she can bring her friend Betty over any time.
Snake Plissken - resident badass / loose cannon
Doctor Strange - some magic on our side wouldn’t hurt.
Archimedes - the brains of the operation (after me, of course)
Emma Goldman - organizational skills / rabble rousing.
The most evil group of henchmen ever assembled:
Stewie Griffin - No one would take the maniacal rants from an innocent baby seriously. At least, not until it was too late…
Eric Cartman - Trust me, his plan to make a pony bite off your weiner is just a distraction. His real plan is far more sinister, and will hopefully make Kyle cry.
Mr. Burns - To bathe the world in eternal darkness (lit by the warm glow of nuclear power).
Saddam Hussein - If he can make Satan his bitch, he can make anyone his bitch.
The evil Monkey - Words cannot describe how evil he is. The sad thing though, is that he wasn’t always evil.
Working by archetypes, I’ll need a…
•Femme Fatale
After considering either “Shego” from Kim Possible, or the Baroness from G.I. Joe, I’ve decided to go with Nancy “Miss Deep” from the anime Read or Die. Think of “Shadowcat” from X-Men, but with an assassin’s training, and willingness to kill. (And usually with her own M-93R. Sweeeet.)
•A “Trusted Lieutenant”
I’m thinking the “Evil-Universe Batman” from the Justice League episode “A better world.” Just like the regular Batman, but he’s a neo-fascist who is willing to kill. Plus— He actually “bested” the Good-Universe Batman in a fight…just by talking to him.
Either him, or Arucard from the anime Hellsing. (For a bonus, spell his name backwards.)
•A Mad Scientist
I’m either going with Dr. Mindbender, or Agatha Heterodyne. Probably Mindbender…he can use mind control, build androids, and bring people back from the dead. And he’s not only evil, but he looks evil.
•A Magic User
I think either Kulan Gath or Selene. Gath’s probably more powerful, but Selene’s quite a bit easier on the eyes. Gath would probably take all the challenge out of taking over a city, too.
That leaves one more spot…but I can’t think of anyone else I’d need, right away. Maybe later.
Many of mine have been taken so I’ll leave them be.
So I decided to make mine a unique theme by choosing from movie musical characters.
First off The Seven Brothers. Yes they are a set. Not only can they fight but they will also be useful for new construction.
ReEducation will be up to Professor Henry Higgins
My driver will be** Danny Zuko** in Greased Lighting
To handle immagration will be Anita.
and finally to add a touch of class, and to help me pick up chicks, Honore Lachaille
(vibtronica, Iron Chef was an inspired choice)
Ranchoth, while watching Starsky and Hutch at the movies over the weekend, I saw a movie preview of one Van Helsing. It has Hugh Jackman as the main character, who hunts werewolves, vampires, and witches (I think). I’ve seen the anime, but I’m going to check more into this movie to see if it’s based off Hellsign at all. Just thought you might want a heads up.
Turns out it’s not related to neither Hellsing nor Vampire Hunter D. Please continue…
Sigh…oops. Darn double negatives.
Van Helsing was the vampire hunter in the original Dracula novel, by Bram Stoker. I assume that’s what the movie’s based on.
Bah. I blame my stupid web browser, where apparently doing a control-F search is just a meaningless crosswalk-button command, as opposed to actually FINDING the word you request…
Or else it’s Baphumal’s fault.
First, I have to say that Scuba_Ben you’re braver than I am if you want to trust Ko-Ko for ANYTHING involving the actual use of a spine.
And, Tentacle Monster, I’m less worried about Hyatt’s minor mortality problems than the fact that it’s contagious. And, again, I wouldn’t care to actually have to count on Excel surviving to accomplish anything for me. Now, if you wanted someone from that anime, Matsura.
I’m also shocked no one has chosen what I think is the ultimate character assassin: Jeeves. That fiendishly evil mind not only concocts plans that leave his advesaries bedazzled with his brilliance, but he does it in such a way to ALWAYS leave his nominal master’s reputation further in the dirt, and his own reputation pure gold.
Anyways, without further ado, here is MY team:
First, Jeeves Not only can he keep the home base clean and well maintained, but I can use him as a pathfinder/saboteur for anyone I need to take out.
As my gadgeteer: Washuu Sure she’s a little nuts, but she’s VERY good at what she does.
Next on the sneaky spy type: Either Mr. Ed or Francis the Talking Mule
I, too, want The Tick on my side.
Finally, for the beauty (After all, every good team needs beauty.) I’m choosing Fio Piccolo.
My List:
The Mule, from Isaac Asimov’s “Foundation” series: To start off with. He has the coolest super power ever. Even my quite florid imagination isn’t up to thinking of all the ways I might put it to use, I’m sure.
The Master, from Dr. Who: For transportation. Chosen over the Doctor himself, because The Master can (I assume) actually steer his TARDIS. He’ll have to keep his ass in line, though…no trying to blackmail the entire universe or hanging around stirring up trouble on North Sea oil rigs or any of that jazz. Unless I tell him to, that is…
Willow Rosenberg, from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”: For Magicks black, white, and gray. But not, not, Kennedy. In fact, my Willow had such an awful breakup with Kennedy that she’s decided to give men another try. And she has a crush on a certain aspiring Evil Overlord with cruel-yet-handsome eyes*. Heh heh…
Grand Admiral Thrawn, from Timothy Zahn’s Star Wars novels: For strategy and tactics. Also the fleet of Star Destroyers. Plenty of uses for that, including backup transportation, in case The Master’s TARDIS goes all dodgy.
Former President Bill Clinton: This looks like a violation of the OP’s first rule, about the henchmen being fictional, I know, but don’t all politicians put up a fictional persona for public consumption? Close enough, I say. Anyway, I didn’t like him as president, but I’ve got to admit, the man has such a natural talent as a salesman, he could sell a truckload of condoms at a lesbian convention…and he’s charming enough to persuade the ladies to actually use them. Plus he’s got a butt-load of connections. He’ll be useful. But, if I decide I want to bring up someone from my list of alternates, he’s easily ditched.
Speaking of which:
Here is my list of five alternates:
The little girl from “Firestarter”: To start fires. What? It’s a useful talent. Plus, she’ll grow up to be Drew Barrymore, who is reputed to be ahem sexually adventurous, so if Willow doesn’t want to totally give up girls, we can have a threesome. Mmmmmmmmm…
Hermes Conrad, from Futurama. I assume I’ll be rich as an Evil Overlord. I’ll need an accountant. Plus, I like those exclamations he’s always making. “Sweet boa of Samoa!” Heh.
Lois, from “Malcom in the Middle”: To be my Top Sergeant. She’ll keep the troops in line while I’m off with one of the many, many women The Mule caused to fall madly, passionately in love with me.
A certain member of this message board, who I won’t name because she might not want me to: Again, this looks like a violation of rule one; like President Clinton, she is not fictional. But, she does use a fictional character as her screen name. Again I say, close enough. Anyway, she’s extremely intelligent, multi-talented, could easily fulfill Lois’ role, and, if Willow still wants more lesbian lovin’ after wearing out Drew Barrymore**, she might just be persuaded to help out on that.
Towelie, from “South Park”: Because, dammit, sometimes I do want to get high***.
[sub]
*Me, I mean! Me! All you other aspiring Evil Overlords, hands off!
**Mmmmmmmmmmm…
***Just kidding! Drugs Are Bad! Just Say No To Drugs! Stay In School! Drink Your Milk! Floss Daily! Don’t Tape Major League Baseball Games Without The Express Written Consent Of Major League Baseball![/sub]
Since Comics are my newest obsession, I’ll choose my underlings from them:
Sneaky undercover spy-guy: Hydro-man. He can turn into water. With a little mental fine-tuning and maybe some boosts, a dangerous fella.
Raw Power: Black Adam. He’s thousands of years old, can take out Superman by saying his own name (and would), and will kill people before they can blink. Also, cool outfit with no stupid cape.
Gadgets: The Tinkerer. Low overhead, used to working with villians, gets the job done. (With his clients, you’d better.)
Brain: Reed Richards, one of the best big brain-guys out there. There’s nobody on this list he’d automatically go against (and Adam could kill him if he tried).
Fighter: Daredevil (also my lawyer)