Inspired by this post and my own workplace canned music hell, I thought I’d do my part in spreading Yuletide cheer by listing holiday songs that fill me with rage. I’ve divided it into two lists:
Songs I used to like, but never want to hear again:
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Santa Baby
Carol of the Bells
Baby, It’s Cold Outside
Winter Wonderland
So This is Christmas (this one may actually belong below)
Songs that no sane person would ever intentionally subject themselves too:
Silver and Gold
Holly Jolly Christmas
The Most Wonderful Day of the Year
Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
…and the worst of the worst?
::drumroll::
***I’m jolly old Kris Kringle, (I’m the king of jing a ling!) ***
Ugh. I hate the joke versions, too. The other day one of my co-workers had the radio turned to a country station and they played this stupid redneck version (Jeff Foxworthy, maybe?). I will admit to liking the Muppets version with John Denver, however.
I also hate “I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas” (this is my mother’s favorite Christmas song, for some reason unbeknownst to me) and “Daddy, Please Don’t Get Drunk this Christmas.”
That’s my number one, right there. I used to work at a place that had a thirty minute mix tape of Christmas music (60 minute tape with both sides the same), which played all day for a couple of weeks out of the year. It included Madonna’s version of Santa Baby.
You think hearing Santa Baby is bad? Try hearing it eighteen times a day. For a couple of weeks.
I don’t remember what the other songs on that tape were – they were only run-of-the-mill grating.
“Grandma Got Run Over By a Mother-F**king Reindeer”
I hope the writers spend their eternity listening to this at full volume.
That, and “Silent Night”. When I was a little kid, it would make me cry.
Eartha Kitt’s version of Santa Baby made me want to jam knitting needles on my ears, kill people and dring Drano. In that order.
Actually, just about all Christmas music makes me want to become violent. Except for Elvis’s Blue Christmas. I think it’s because it’s so over the top, so camp.
All of 'em. Really. I worked in radio stations that played one Xmas song an hour starting on Dec 1 and gradually increased it to all Xmas Xrap all the time. It makes you want to kill something. I also worked in a department store for two years. They started playing it 24/7 on Nov 1. I never want to hear another seasonal song as long as I live, if I can help it. Of course, it won’t happen, but I’ll avoid them if I can.
“The Little Drummer Boy” and “Pat-a-Pan” are definitely top of my list – it’s a whole big drum thing. Can’t stand 'em. I mean, songs about 'em. I have to assume that any Christmas song involving a drum was cooked up for the benefit of little children with toy drums, because any sane adult realizes that, hello, drums and Christmas go together like camels and pine trees.
Any version of a “popular” song that doesn’t have all the verses. Exceptions: “Frosty the Snowman” and “Rudolph,” both of which are awful from start-to-finish. But “Jingle Bells,” for example, rocks with all the verses in. If you’re going to do the song, do the song.
I first heard the song Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer in 1984. It’s easy for me to remember that date, because that was also the year that my own grandmother passed away after a lingering illness, just in time for the holidays. She had always loved having the whole family over for supper on Christmas Eve, and the grief and loss the family felt that year was (at least in my case) greatly exacerbated by all the radio stations playing that novelty song about once every hour. Even twenty years later, hearing that song still brings all those bad feelings rushing right back. Thanks for poisoning my holiday, Elmo and Patsy. Rot in hell.
Christmas Shoes. What a bunch of overly schmaltzy dreck. Pure glurge. I see people posting elsewhere on the board about how the song makes them cry, and, to be honest, I wonder about those people. A lot.
“There’s something stuck up in the chimney
And I don’t know what it is,
But it’s been there all year long.
I’ll been waiting up for Santa like I did last year
But my brother says, “He’s already here.”
And he’s stuck up in the chimney
And he doesn’t say a word
And he’ll be there every Christmas.
And we’ll have him every Christmas.”
You wanna sing about how snow = Christmas? Fuck you. Christmas isn’t about the weather outside, you tool of Satan.
So, go ahead Bing, sing about a having a white Christmas with the family you beat; I’ll sing about a holy Christmas.
And I’m from NJ where we often have snowy Christmases. How do all of you (semi)tropical and Southern Hemisphere inhabitants deal with the export of this snowy nativity crap?
What? Is my eye twitching again?
And don’t get me started on all the secularized PC crap where ‘holidays’ is substituted for Christmas so as to be more inclusive. For Christ’s sake (literally) the incarnation is supposed to be a gift for all humanity (at least, when not told by fundamentalists) – you can’t get more inclusive than that. Grrrrrrrrr…
Peace on Earth.
Oh, there’s no place like Church for the Holy Days…
I was at Basic during Christmas 2002. All the trainees from our squadron were at the chapel. They played I’ll Be Home For Christmas. You should have heard it… booing, yelling, screaming, even crying. Haven’t liked that song since.
I heard a version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” tonight, sung by Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton. I have a policy of not throwing up in people’s cars if I can help it, so I did not display my natural reaction. I hate that song, and that combination didn’t help. I also hate “The Little Drummer Boy.” What makes it worse to me is that it gets stuck in my head and I end up singing under my breath all day, “Rum pum pum,” and when I catch myself, “Dammit!”
