Skosh
It’s all one to me
Shoon, or shoon and hosen. (An acquaintance asked of the singular form of panty hose is panty ho).
Mrs. Jinks refers to her aging condition as, “I am falling to part”
When somebody asks me to do something I don’t want to do, I have two favorite replies:
- I’d sooner roll naked in broken malt liquor bottles than do x.
- I’d sooner grow an extra asshole than do x.
An old friend of the family, when he has to make a decision, just says, "Parts is parts!’’, and quickly chooses one or the other.
Then there’s the old “I wouldn’t f&ck her with your dick.”
“I’m on it like a hobo on a ham sandwich.”
When told something that isn’t necessary to be told (“I’m going to the bathroom.”) I’ll often respond with, “I’ll alert the media.” (Stolen from the movie ‘Arthur’.)
Lord, I have tons of them.
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That’s enough to puke a buzzard off a gut wagon. Spectacularly confusing to all the city kids I’m around these days, it’s one of my Dad’s faves.
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May as well, can’t dance is another of my Dad’s. His response when asked to do something he really doesn’t want to do but will anyway.
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From a HS math teacher - *That’ll be the day the shrimp learned to whistle! * meaning that ain’t ever gonna happen.
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From a co-worker here I got It’s hotter than 40 hells in here.
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Jesus, Mary and Joseph usually slips out when I’m exasperated and there are children around.
Those are the ones most frequently used.
Some others this thread has reminded me of:
“He’s all over that like white on rice.”
“More [whatever] than you can shake a stick at.”
“0h-Dark-30” is military slang for very early in the morning.
“I’m hungry enough to eat a mule.”
“He peed like a racehorse” (very copiously).
An old guy I was once a literacy tutor for would say sometimes that he was “flusterated,” which I thought was a wonderful mix of “flustered” and “frustrated.”
“Parts is parts” was from an anti-McDonald’s ad in the 1980s, wasn’t it? A competitor criticizing Chicken McNuggets, IIRC.
It’s actually attributable to a real live person, during the Albigensian Crusade. His instructions on how to tell the heretics from the true believers.
Some of my favorites have already been listed: your lips to God’s ears; dumber 'n a bag of hammers/box of rocks; beat like a rented/government mule; couldn’t find his ass with both hands and a flashlight.
Just last night, in response to an “if…” statement, I said “If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas.”
One of my friends once said, about her (very talkative aunt), “She could talk a dog off a meat wagon.” I loved that, and later heard, “Could talk the ears off a brass monkey.”
I also like the phrase “I’m gonna beat you like you owe me money”, but there are very few opportunities for me to use that in my life.
“Drink like a Kennedy” is one I used to hear when I used to hang out with drinkers.
I love that one, and use it as often as possible.
One more: To describe people who are engaged in frenetic, but ineffective, activity: running around with their hair on fire, and trying to put it out with a hammer.
My dad would comment about beverages etc that should be cold but weren’t
“Its warmer than panther piss”. Im not sure why panthers in particular have notibly warm urine but its fun to say.
Couldn’t tell you where I first heard it, but it’s definitely off color. No offense meant to those living or dead:
He was happier than a sissy with a bag full 'o dicks!
Of course you asked about regular phrases…I will not admit to that in this case. 
I do use the occasional, “it shit the bed” when referring to something that’s…“gone all pear shaped.”
Then there’s always, “the whole shitteree”. I got that one from an old boss.
I like that one too. I used it in an assignment for my illustration class, in fact.
I love that one! Another variation is “kiss what?”
Also, instead of “Is the Pope Catholic?” (for something obvious), there’s “Does a fat puppy fart?”
And, in my office, when a file goes awry, we say it’s a (I’m not sure why we are spoilering profanity, but I’ll play along)
Clusterfuck
It’s a legal term.
ETA: I just thought of one from a friend in college…“I’m as hungry as a hostage.”
I can’t believe there are two of us. 
I use “borked” for “broken” and have now made 5 or 6 coworkers and a few people online adopt it.
Me too!
“Borked,” in Capitol Hill parlance, means to have your nomination torpedoed right out of the gate by unfair or inflammatory attacks (for so Robert Bork’s supporters considered the criticisms leveled against him by Ted Kennedy and others in 1987).
That’s a unit of time: 10[sup]-8[/sup] seconds, or 10 nanoseconds.
Physicists have odd senses of humor.
I heard my Papaw say this several times. And I use it, today, too.
When something was impossible, or difficult, or he simply didn’t like something, he would open up and let fly,
“Makes my a$$hole want to suck buttermilk.”
For some reason, this expression seems even more quaint, now that he is gone.