Idioms and expressions

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m interested in funny expressions and idioms.

No, I’m not pulling your leg! It’s an interest of mine.

A couple I like are, (for being sick from drinking): “Praying to the Porcelain God”; or “Calling God on the big white phone” (I never used them, just think they’re sort of funny).

“When the shit hits the fan” is of course a classic.

I’d like to hear others from around the world.

Once I read a list of one-hundred terms for ‘penis’, in Playboy, a long time ago. I lost the article, unfortunately, but it was amusing.

This is my first post and I’m sort of sleepy, but I hope someone here finds this subject interesting.

2

Ever heard the expression, “cool beans”? I swear my step brother made it up 9 years ago when he and I were 14. We were eating dinner and thinking of stupid phrases, much like this thread, and my mother had made 3 bean salad. Hence “cool beans”. I hear it all over the place now, and it still trips me out.

Plato? Aristotle? Socrates? Morons!
~It’s the way you shake and sway, and it’s the passion that you play… -Better Than Ezra

3

To add another common barfing euphemism, there’s “driving the porcelain bus.”

Personally, I’m partial to a few of the more colorful expressions I heard in the South way back when (pardon the language):

*It was hotter than two rats fuckin’ in a wool sock.

He’s shakin’ like a dog shittin’ a log chain.

It was shinin’ like a diamond in a black goat’s ass.

It smells like a wet bagful of assholes in here.

She looks like she could suck-start a Harley.*

4

Sorry, jc. My friends and I were using this one around 1986.

I’ll add “busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.” :smiley:

5

One I use all the time:
Dumber than a bag o’ hammers

I also like
Has the personality of a sack o’ wet mud.

I had a friend who liked to mix metaphors. Some of them were pretty funny. I can only remember:
You’re barkin’ up a dead horse.

6

How about an insult…

“Your daddy should have stained the sheets instead of society”

7

Some of the greatest ones I’ve come across are from Ken Weaver (of the Fugs) which were published in CoEvolution Quarterly back in the early '80’s.
I found a link to them:
http://www.freenetpages.co.uk/hp/lennybruce/jokes/texan-crude.txt

FWIW, I also remember friends of mine using the term “cool beans” at least as far back as the early to mid '80’s.

8

Just found a better link with the original R. Crumb artwork!
http://www.humboldt1.com/~barkndog/gray/crude01.htm

9

A French girl I once worked with translated “When the shit hits the fan” into French for me: “Quand la merde frappe le ventilateur”. Doesn’t that sound so much better? I hereby propose that we all start using the French version. It sounds wonderful to say.

[sub]BTW, sorry if I’ve got the French slightly wrong. I’m trying to recall this from memory, from several years ago, with very rusty basic French.[/sub]

10

I love “prairie-dogging”; when a something loud happens and a roomful of cubicle-dwellers poke their heads over the
little walls to see what happened.

Grinning like a possum in a cow plop.

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Runnin around like her ass is on fire.

Theres also a great list on the net of ways to tell people
their fly’s undone, like
-Sailor Ned’s making a break for shore!
-You’ve got windows on your laptop
-Captain, we have a breach in hull security
etc.

11

My mom always said “More nervous than a whore in church”. Leaves a warm fuzzy feeling all over.

12

Good one, Devin! Bluethree makes a mental note

I’ve always liked the southernism “that dog won’t hunt.”

13

I’ve been known to say
“Well dip me in shit and roll me in cracker dust!”
when I encounter some modern miracle of technology.
I don’t know where I first encountered it, but I’ve been using it (sparingly) for at least 25 years.

14

I’ve always liked “I’m fucking this cat, you hold the tail” for when someone is trying to help and causing more trouble than they are worth.

15

“He doesn’t know his asshole from his elbow.”

16

Another for vomitting-“Driving the porcelain bus”

17

some of my father-in-laws personal favourites :

“goes like the clappers”

“goes like the powers of piss”

“like shit off a chrome shovel”

“as easy as snapping snot off a finger”

some more vomit ones :

“technicolour yawn”

“the 360 degrees yawn”

“the splatter factor” (referring to the bits that missed the porcelain bus)

:smiley:

18

Playboy? I remember an article in National Lampoon listing all the terms for various body parts. It started with a representation of a man and a woman, body parts proportionate to the number of terms for them. The penis, breasts and nose were the biggest.
I’ve decided my favorite idiom for having sex is “getting your ashes hauled”.

19

I’d post some idioms, but I gotta go drop the kids off at the pool.

20

Yes, more idioms, please!

Well slap my ass and call me ‘Sally’, if you guys didn’t give me some good ones, and some good laughs!

BTW, what the heck are ‘cool beans’??

Now don’t act like you’ve got beans up your nose! Tell me!