I’m going to reframe the question a bit, and here’s why: If you were to take the average fan and stick them in there, you’d basicaly be taking a 5’9", overweight, out of shape, middle aged man and asking him to compete with finely tuned athletes. More than likely, half these guys would be injured simply trying to sprint (sprains and pulled muscles).
A better question would be to take a marginally athletic fan and ask him to try. Say a guy in his mid to upper twenties, in reasonable physical shape. I’ll use myself as a fair benchmark, 29 yrs old, 6’3" and about 220 lbs, and frequently plays in coed club leagues and hits the gym a couple times a week.
I’m also going to assume that the fan in question has at least played the sport in question some, at a low level like maybe high school at most and more typically in club and sandlot leagues. I do this so that I can basically I can take away the “can’t skate at all” variable. If a guy has at least been on a ice rink before, thrown/caught a football and swung a baseball bat you can come to some semblance of consistency. I make this assumption so that I can factor out the ranodmness of the question, I mean probably 40% of the population can ice skate to some degree, if you frame the question so that you aren’t guessing if they can skate or not you’re able to focus on the skills involved only.
The last addition to the question is that I’ll propose that the “average fan” be placed in the sports training camp (or equivalent) phase of the season as opposed to dropped in the middle of a game on a team of strangers. This allows the average fan to at least learn the tactical and strategic concepts of the game, play in a team concept, and allows them to find a niche where they have at least some competence.
So, with those assumptions in place, here’s my list, from easiest to hardest:
WWE Wrestling - These guys are without a doubt, excellent athletes, but the fact that it’s all scripted makes this clearly the easiest for the average fan to perform in. There’s little doubt that the writers could concieve plenty of situations where a relative weakling can upend the show’s stars. Hell, I wouldn’t put it past Vince to actually use this storyline. I can even imagine the fans buying into it with vigor, call it the Home Alone Wrestlemania.
Auto Racing - This is probably going to be contraversial amongst racing fans, but hear me out. Remember we’re allowing the fan a chance to practice some, taking the early months of the season to go all Cole Trickle on us and learn the lingo and the physics involved. Everyone has some experience driving, and most have some experience racing (think go karts, bikes, running) and can at least contrive some strategies to try and implement. There’s also a certain amount of inherent ability here. Some people are just good at racing, comes natural to them, and the fact that physical size, strength and agility are all secondary to racing skills you could have a chance of our “average” fan becoming a racing savant. You could reasonably assume that the fan could develop enough endurance and a comfort level at speed to perhaps find their calling as a racer.
NBA Basketball - My argument for this one can be summed up in two words, Steve Kerr. The guy was a very good athlete and a hell of a shooter, but his phisical stature and raw athleticism wasn’t much outside of the normal. Using myself as the benchmark, I know I’m taller and stronger than he is firsthand. Certainly you can’t assume that the average fan is going to find himself to be one of the best pure shooters in recent memory, but you could argue that a guy of similar size and athletic ability wouldn’t kill the team. We’re not asking the guy to step in a guard KG, but there’ have been alot of average sized guys who were able to fill a role admirablaly on some great teams. We can assume an average fan has a not impossible chance of playing just enough defense, making the right pass and hitting open shots to be successful.
MLB Baseball - I think there’s a big jump between these first three and the final three as far as the relative likelyhood of success. Still, of these most challenging three I think baseball is the most likely. My argument for this is due to the fact that while the skills are amazingly difficult at that level, there’s not as high a requirement on uncommon physical strength and size. Basically someone of my size and strength isn’t automatically excluded. The DH position is also a big advantage over the other sports, while it’s unlikely that a person would turn out to be a hitting specialist, it allows one additional path to success. The more likely scenario is that a guy in spring training develops into a passable catcher. Of all positions it’s the one where the inability to hit is the most aceptable. Catching takes a degree of intelligence that exceeds every other position with a compromise on running, throwing and catching skills. This sounds like a typical person best chance at success. If this average guy is reasonably bright it seems believable that he could be coached up to be a decent pitch caller. The variety of paths to success in baseball also helps our argument. Even if he can’t be a catcher for whatever reason, he might be able to be a fair utility player if he learns to throw and catch fairly well. Finally, if the guy finds out that he simply cannot hit at all, there’s still a path if he happens to be a lefty with a strong arm. Baseballs preference for lefties really allows a margin of error on our rookie’s chances.
NHL Hockey - Remember, we’re assuming that the guy already can skate at a fair level. While he’ll certainly get smoked from end to end on the ice, he’ll at least be able to move and get out of the way. Still, stick handling and shooting are amazingly hard. Not quite as tough as hitting a baseball, but probably similar to hitting a golf ball as far as the learning curve goes. The variety of skills every hockey player reqires, and the relative lack of specialization makes hockey seem very unlikely for our fan. Size and strength are critically important and a slow weakling can’t be hidden as they can in other sports listed before this one. Some might guess that goalie is a possible path, but I doubt it. I admit to never playing hockey, so perhaps my undertsanding is wrong but goalie is probably the hardest position, not the most achievable. Most of the best hockey players marvel at the skill of some goalies, and there’s virtually no interchangability between positions. Unlike DH’s and catchers where players can transition back and forth, the fact that the Lemiux and Gretskys of the world would probably suck as goalies makes me doubt that there’s any more chance of our average guy being good at that than becoming a forward or defensmen. All in all, the only thing that makes this easier than football is that our “average guy” is relatively similar in physical stature if not in overall strength and speed.
NFL Football - This to me is the least likely. The size, speed and strength of these players is so far beyond what anyone can consider average it’s bordering on impossible for a typical guy to compete. Even if our guy discovered himself to be a savant in regards to throwing the ball or reading defenses/offenses, he still wouldn’t have a prayer of having the body to implement them. In baseball, basketball, racing, hockey and most other game there’s at least a razor-thin possibility that our average guy discovers a uncanny ability to hit, throw, shoot, drive or goaltend that was never before realized. In football, even if he found the skills, he couldn’t hope to develop the size and speed he’d need to survive in any capacity. Of course, there’s kickers, but everyone knows kickers aren’t football players ;).