If any dopers know the answers to these, I would be very much appreciative.
Others will have deeper answers to these, but here’s my understanding:
They are usually placed 11 months after the burial. I’d be interested to know the reason for this.
Kaddish is said by close relatives, such as spouse, child, parent, sibling. Now that I think about it, I’m not positive whether it is women as well as men, but it is usually said by men in the company of at least nine other adult (barmitzvah’d) men.
Placing stones on a grave is still the Jewish way of showing that you have visited the grave, and is equivalent to the placing of flowers in other traditions.
HenrySpencer.
There are various customs as to when the gravestones are placed.
Kaddish is generally said by sons for 11 months, and then on the anniversery of death. If there are no sons, sometimes others may say Kaddish on occasions.
Until a more learned poster comes along, I’ll offer this:
Jewish custom is to bury the dead ASAP. My grandfather passed away at 4am on New Years Morning 1994 and I was in the air to get there at 9am that morning. The funeral was the following day, on 2 January. I have no idea how long it takes to prepare a gravestone, but I can’t imagine the industry would be able to keep up with such a demand for a quick turnaround.
Also, I think it might have to do with waiting until the mourning period is over, and then have everyone reunite for a second tribute in the unveiling of the gravestone. It’s a very somber occassion, as much so as the actual burial is.
My WAG is that the answer is 80% the latter, and 20% the former.
Hmm, one wonders why they are in such a rush to get them in the ground…maybe because Jews are EVIL DEMONS WHO WILL RISE FROM THE DEAD AND EAT CHRISTIAN BABIES!!!
Or not…
There are actually differing customs on when to place the gravestone over the grave. Some make sure to place it as soon as shiva (7 days after burial) is over. Others do it after the shloshim (30 days from death). Yet others wait until after 11 months or a year.
Zev Steinhardt
Do not feed the troll…
So then placing the stone after 11 months would be because one stops saying Kaddish after 11 months? i.e. the two events are related?
Zev, thank you very much for your answers. My next question, then, is if the duration period based on individual preference, or does it depend on what branch of Judaism the deceased was a member of?
Wonko, whom are you calling a troll? It seems like a perfectly legitimate question to me.
Chronos, I think Wonko was reacting not to the OP, but rather to the, uh, aside made by Badtz Maru.
“The reason Kaddish is said for eleven months, although the full mourning period lasts for twelve, has to do with folklore. According to a statement in the Talmud, when the most wicked people die, they are consigned to hell for a maximum of twelve months. Since recitation of the Kaddish is believed to elevate the soul of the dead, reciting it for a full year would imply that one’s parent is one of the wicked people sentenced to a full year in hell.”
-Telushkin, Joseph “Jewish Literacy”
“…Since in America the tombstone is covered with a cloth…the ritual has been called the “unveiling”.
The unveiling usually takes place twelve months after the death. While there is no traditional basis for this service, except for the custom of visting the grave on the day of Yahrzeit, it is now an accepted and meaningful practice.”
-KLein, Issac, “A Guide to Jewish Religious Practice”
Actually there are other customs beyond those listed by Zev. Some do it on a religious fast day following the death.
It depends on family custom and personal preference. There are no religious laws that govern this practice.
I took the comment by Badtz Maru as sarchasm, or at least, an attempt thereof. I thought that he made that pretty clear by the “Or not” at the end of his post, and the preposterous nature of what he was saying. Tasteless, perhaps, but not trolling.