Quick adult retorts to snide kid comments?

Let’s share some adult retorts to those snide kid comments about your height, hair, age, etc.

For example: ‘I might have a receeding hairline but I get more sex than you.’ (Might be Fun to say back to teenage boys.) Or, ‘I have an apple (point under the chin) where you have a peanut’
(Useful retort to teenage boys who still have a child’s voice). ‘I don’t give lessons.’ Adults can use this on teenagers who make some snide sexual remark.

I’m sure there are more, I sure could use some. they are fun.

To a snotty stick thin girl wearing hip huggers and a half shirt, " I was like you once, then I got a real job. Muwhahahahaha!"

There’s always the perennial favorite, “Kid” (or “punk”, depending on the hostility level), “I’ve been doing this since before you were born!”
Sadly, I am now growing old enough that I can say this to my junior colleagues…truthfully :frowning: .

“Kings die, and leave their crowns to their sons. Shmuel HaKatan took all the treasures in the world, and went away.”

For teenagers, I’ve always found a faux-solicitous “Isn’t it past your bedtime?” to be effective as a retort to almost any snide remark.

“I’ve got ulcers/socks/scars older than you.”

And one for confrontational little snots, “Don’t start with me boy, I’ve taken shits bigger than you.”

Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

NewKid: How long have you been working here?

Me: Your whole life.

Tris: Good one!

The time I was visiting a museum with my mother and a small child told her to “zip it” (we were discussing the exhibit), I was so shocked I couldn’t say anything. Fortunately, mom didn’t hear it…but the alleged parents did, and: did nothing! Wish I had a comeback for that that would have zinged the parents, too.

Anyone see Fried Green Tomatoes a few yrs back? Had one good scene: Kathy Bates is trying to back into a parking space. A convertible w/ 2 twenty-somethings chicks pulls in right in front of her. “Face it lady, we’re younger and faster” They say. Bates reverses and smashes into their car. “Face it girls, I’m older and have more insurance.”
When my stepniece (14 yrs) starts her too-cool-for-you bit, I just tell her that my car is paid for. OOOH I hate kids.

I’ll be there
Where I’ll teach what I’ve been taught
And I’ve been taught…

Not to be snide, folks, but this topic really belongs in MPSIMS.