What the fuck is wrong with British people? Can’t you hear?
Besides reading the Dope I listen to the radio at work. I listen to Virgin Radio, which comes from London. Now they are pretty good. Playing a mix of rock from the ‘60s to today. I’ve heard a lot of stuff that I probably wouldn’t have ever heard because they haven’t hit in the States yet or just because I don’t drive anymore and that is the only place I listened to the radio.
And like any station they aren’t perfect. Songs work in a rotation. Like right now, if they play something by Meatloaf, it will be Bat Out of Hell. Not, Two out of Three, not Paradise by the Dashboard Lights, not Anything for Love but Bat out of Hell and Bat out of Hell only this month.
But this song, or this flimsy excuse for a song, has been worked into the rotation and this song sucks. It hurts. It is the worst song ever. It is worse than You Light Up My Life. I shudder at the idea of identifying the song as people who haven’t heard this should be spared. But every time the station tries to kill me by playing this song, the DJ will comment on how great a song this thing is. It must be some Brit thing I guess. But if there was ever a greatest hits for the deaf, this would be the number one track. I mean, you guys gave us the Beatles, the Stones, Elvis Costello and a host of other great music groups. Why would any of you Brits listen to this crap!
The song sounds like…
Remember that version of The Island of Dr. Moreau with Brando and the original, sad mini-me. Imagine that version of the good Doktor interbred Sarah Brightman with a Siamese cat that was perpetually in heat. (and if you must, that she has four asses) Now, take the ultimate Grizabella from hell and strap her to a bed of nails with her head hanging off the bed. Now place the bed on a trebuchet and launch it with great force. Just as the bed of nails reached the apex of it’s arc, it slams into a cliff face of slate. Now imagine the tortured screams of the beast as the nails slide down a mile of cliff face and you will get some idea of what this song is like.
So get ready people,
You goddamn cocksuckers quit playing this asslicking, Dirty Sanchez giving, mother-raping, dog kicking, father-stabbing, pig sodomizing, mother-stabbing, ass shinning, father-raping song right fucking now. I forbid Wuthering Heights
by Kate Bush to ever be played again on this planet.
Zebra has spoken. So let it be written, so let it be done.