But like I said in the redhead thread, I’m willing to be proven wrong. My preferences are tendencies, not absolutes. There are too many factors to rule any one particular one out.
There’s no hard line to racism. It’s a continuum.
OTOH for some reason it weirds me out when TV shows feel the need to pair black people together. Especially in the future with Sisko on DS9. I guess it’s realistic but it still seems weird and antiquated.
Let me preface this by saying two things: one, I haven’t dated in almost 20 years, and two, I don’t really see it as a civil rights issue regarding who someone wants to get freaky with as long as both parties are down with it.
Having said that… I think it’s worthwhile to differentiate between preference, prejudice, and racism. You might like curvy women, tall guys, people with back hair… Whatever. That’s a preference and those types pretty much exist across all “races” though they might be more or less common in certain groups. The same goes for the desire to have a shared cultural heritage or nationality.
Now if you take that one step further and eliminate people from your dating pool because they belong to a group and nothing else, that’s prejudicial. Say you like curvy women, but then you make the leap to say you won’t consider a white woman as a dating partner. Obviously there are curvy white women, tall Asian men, etc. Or even the idea that a Black guy wouldn’t understand your culture… well, how do you know without getting to know the person a little? These barriers are based on stereotypes and could well be wrong.
Last obviously is racism. I typically see racism as prejudice plus power, so unless you are all that there isn’t a lot of potential for racism when it comes to individual level dating. But if family members threaten to disown you because you date X kind of person, that strikes me as racist. If you hate X people then that strikes me as racist too.
I actually think the rules of attraction are quite complex. We don’t even know what we’re attracted to all the time. It really tends to be about individuals, and you might have thought they would be of a certain height, weight, or phenotype, but the most amazing person in the world for you might defy all those things.
Yeah, I think it’s stereotyping, but not quite the same as racism. “Women are weak” is a stereotype, “women should stay in the kitchen” is sexism. See the difference?
I think it is one thing to believe that “one should not marry outside one’s race” and another thing to find certain physical characteristics in people more or less appealing, particularly when we are speaking of sexual attraction and “types.” It can be a pretty complex subject too, since physical characteristics can vary widely in any particular racial or ethnic group.
Surfing women’s dating profiles (within my demographic: late 40’s-mid-50’s), I see women who state “I only want to meet Black men,” and “I only date within my race.” The latter sounds a bit harsh, but in either case, what they want is what they want and it’s none of my business.
However, reading the rest of the profile, the Black-only women usually come across as life-long party girls who don’t quite want the party to end, though they now hear the toscin of the last few eggs rattling around their in their ovaries. Thye’re ready to settle down, but they still require their potential mates to have the same swerve that’s always attracted them; hopefully ready to settle down themselves too. “Tired of the club scene. But I’ll only allow a guy from the club to take me home for good.”
The within-my-race women’s profiles, without fail, have a lot of other non-negotiable criteria, too. They have an extremely welll-defined vision of how they want to live and their demands upon who they’ll accept into that life. You must be white, and you must also be male-model, corner-office white.
My point being that, although everyone has the right to their personal preferences, those preferences can be indicative of unrealistic expectations.
I think the opposite extreme is weird too, on certain shows like Grey’s Anatomy and that other stupid spinoff of it, where every single character has no racial preference at all. Well, it’s weird in the first place that all the coworkers constantly pair up with all the other coworkers, so I guess that’s just a side effect of that.
I don’t have any problem with people limiting who they date. It’s a personal preference, whether others like it or not. It might stem from racism or just cultural hangups. Whatever. What’s it to anyone else? If they limit themselves and thus can’t get a date, then it’s their lookout!
I don’t approve of it, but I think it’s something different than racism.
From a males point of view I’m seeing alot of “preference” as a result of social, and economical factors. It’s not just color, notice the money side too. The adherent success of Asian, Caucasian and Indian men in this current economy has aided their preferences. I see it all the time in sites like Match.com etc. They list the most successful group of men in that area ie…, "white/Asian/Hispanic. There was a study cant find the article but when i do ill post it, of how much money each ethnic group would have to make in order to be a possibility by the other race. White 35K, Black 500k+, Asian 150k+ - obviously the sample was of white women but my point in is its not just about race. I think being in an ethnic group that has the look of “success” plays a major role in their preference. How many areas are successful “black” men are there? Lets see maybe GA, NC, DC possibly 2 or 3 more . Everywhere else black men are pretty much portrayed to this caliber.
http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT-qaEeG65_Ou2C1jRuLG0SpmF6gQ4-5sO_Y6JTBoiqkTFKjMMM-EUBwmaC
or
http://www.pittsburghurbanmedia.com/clientfiles/image/blackmenjail(1).jpg
Women like the rush, taboo, and backlash of society, that’s the only reason “sleep” not date or marry black men. How many successful business type women would marry a black man?
Who wants to date the untouchables? My opinion Jim crow never left the USA it just transformed into war on drugs, increased jail sentences for smaller crimes, and the media’s target hatred of certain ethnic groups. My heart goes out to the Hispanic communities of today. What a load of bull.
Not that anybody cares about my problems but, the problem I have is that being a black male its hard to find anybody who wants to date me across the ethnic board. I’m just like any other male trying to make a living regardless of my color or culture: I make 50K+, as an IT Security professional, I have no debt, I have no drama (babies, ex-wives/gf…etc) but that doesn’t seem to be good enough. I’m finding that even among a lot of successful women be they black/white/Hispanic etc are changing their preferences to only White/Asian/Pacific islander/Hispanic. There is no room for “black men” in today’s society. This is nothing new though…lol We are shown as neanderthals, criminals, no good for nothing N88888*, baby making losers. Its only ok to be 50 cent when you have 50 cents money.
Check this out:
http://madamenoire.com/22660/8-reasons-to-date-a-white-man-30188/2/
and it goes on
The way i see it is if a person judges me based on the “masses” perception of an ethnic group then I don’t need them anyways. I’d rather be an owner of a lonely heart than a broken one — police
It’s one date. Jesus. You don’t even want to get out of your comfort zone to have coffee for an hour with someone who doesn’t look like you?
I thought the point of dating was to meet a variety of people and to see if you really liked someone rather than to go though a checklist of preconceived notions.
Do the same people also demand that the person makes a certain amount of money or have a particular occupation? “No, I only date doctors!”
I’m not arguing with your experience, N0t2G00d4U, but it seems to me like being a black man who is what most women would consider a good relationship prospect would make it *easier *to find interested women, because most women who date black men (including me) will say that it can be somewhat hard to find that. Sure, a lot of women wouldn’t consider dating a black man no matter what, but there are quite a few who will.
Yeah, the “war on drugs” and things like that are real problems, but again, I would think they would make it easier for black men who aren’t victims (not entirely the right word to use but you probably know what I mean) of that, because it decreases the supply. I guess it also increases the stigma though.
I don’t think the successful black men I know have a hard time finding dates, but maybe it’s different in other areas. We like you in Seattle.
It’s not really cultural or about family or anything else. Im just not physically attracted to the vast majority of black or Asian men.
Ive always found women of color more attractive (Im Caucasion). Asian women are probably the prettiest. My first g/f was black (this was in 1974, it didnt go over well).
Which is often true. This comes back to when I said people are as choosy as they can afford to be. A lot of people DO have extremely high expectations. But they will only uphold them until their desperation overcomes their pickiness.
Possibly, in the case of an older woman, her desperation to have kids will never outweigh her desire to be with a mate who looks like her. So she’ll be single with high standards forever. And that’s just fine. Other people whose desperation level is higher (like young men with high levels of testosterone) will drop their standards sharply over a short period to get what they desire, even if their standards weren’t all that high to start with.
I guess since I’m a gay man, that makes me a sexist, huh?
Within the last 4 years I’ve had a total of 7 women ( 2 Caucasian, 2 Asian, 1 Indian, 2 Black) tell me they don’t date black men. They had no problems leading me on or taking my kindness for weakness either. I might be a little biased in my argument…LOL. Being only 27 yrs old I don’t care for now. I’ll just continue to work on my career development, and walk with god.
Yes, you are because sex is analogous to race. :rolleyes:
I see no problem having preferences. I am not generally attracted to women of East Asian descent. I think categorically stating you would never date someone of a certain race is racist. I am open to dating Asian women if I meet the right one.
I will say I find it hypocritical that whites who refuse to date interracially receive much more flack for it than do non-whites who refuse to date interracially. Why is there this double standard?
Assumes facts not in evidence.