When he’s an adult and he’s around people who won’t be offended when he uses it.
I agree, I would have switched it off in an instant too. My tender ears, I like to be the one to drop the MF F bombs on other people I don’t care to have the f bomb dropped on me.
gah now ear worm, you dropped the bomb on me,
And yeah, once when travelling with my girls who were under 12 listening to the radio when matchbox 20’s I wanta push you down and take you for granted song came on…it irked me the lyrics, and didn’t want any girl to hear that crap, catchy rhythym or not.
I tend to use a ‘natural’ consequences method. My daughter knows some of the words from my using them and asked me what they meant. I told her that they were rude words that people sometimes use if they are hurt, angry, or want to emphasize a point. She already knows that there may be negative consequences to rude behavior and I explained that includes using the rude words (and that I will add additional negative consequences if anyone complains to me that she is using them). It is then up to her to determine whether she wishes to use it or not. She is almost 8 and has never used curse words in my hearing and I’ve not heard complaints from any other source that she is using them.
I don’t really see the difference between teaching a child this or teaching them the appropriate times to run around in their underwear, speak loudly, or any one of a million other behaviors that may be inappropriate.
Daddy, can I sing this song?
Daddy, why is that a rude word?
Daddy, what does it mean? I know what “mother” is, what is “f**er”?
Daddy, is the singer rude when he uses the word?
Daddy, will the singer have “negative consequences” because he used the word?
Daddy, why can’t I use this word to “emphasize a point” too? Is “emphasizing a point” bad?
Frankly I’m more concerned that he’s listening to Electronica than being exposed to curse words.
ETA: He’s 10, not 6. Your kid already uses those words when you’re not around.
My kid, at 7:
I thanked him for protecting me from “knowing about the school bus”. Got another head arc.
My wife’s (functionally fatherless) nephew, during my awkward attempt to ask him if he had any questions about the birds and the bees:
“I’m in high school. I know more than YOU do.”
He gets out of prison this month.
“Hey, have you guys ever paid attention to the lyrics of this song? Some people were offended because they felt it might be advocating violence against women, but they misunderstood the intention behind the song. The songwriter actually intended to explain how it felt to be undervalued in a relationship; he felt pushed around and taken for granted and wanted to express how that felt. It sounds kind of mean, but the writer is just expressing his frustration. Later on, Rob Thomas fell in love and wrote a really sweet love song to his wife called Smooth.”
How are kids supposed to know how to process adult themes in art, television, moves, and news unless we have a dialogue about it with them? Turning the station in a snit will probably peak their curiousity, but leaves them with no understanding of why you were offended or what the song is actually about.
Meh, parenting is time consuming and can involve conversation with a rapid fire question machine. The fact that you don’t want to deal with it doesn’t ping my sympathy meter at all. Personally I feel the same way about the religious glurge that my daughter is exposed to. I’d rather have the curse word conversations than try to explain what hell is and why her school friend told her that a devil was going to get her because she didn’t go to church but that is the job of a parent. Suck it up.
I was shocked by all the profanity I heard whenever I listened to electronica too. I’m not even sure where I learned some of those words!
Before I noticed who posted this, I thought it was someone giving you examples of the important things to be teaching your kid. They are all great questions.
Look, your kid already has all these questions in his head. Do you want him to guess at the answers, or do you want to provide some guidance?
I’m totally fine with parents deciding how and when the best way is to discuss issues of maturity with their children. Not every parent needs to treat growing up as though it is a Waldorf school with no boundaries.
But as far as electronica teaching bad things to kids, I’m shocked – SHOCKED that coked-up eurotrash would be a bad influence on little ones.
When I turned twelve, my mom secured an “adult” library card for me. Her words: “You still can’t do anything you want, but you can read anything you want.” Later that same year, I was walking the hall in my middle school, carrying a copy of Brave New World, and a teacher stopped me and asked if my Mom knew I was reading this book.
“My Mom recommended this book.” Of course, this was 1960, when that book was considered pretty wild shit.
Much, much later a bunch of my friends gathered their kids at another friend’s house and left me in charge while they went to gather some materials. Kids were all about 5 to 7. They made straight for the TV and video, and popped in an unmarked tape. Porn. Solid porn. I was in another room and walked in because of the squeels of “Gross!” and “Ewww!”. “That’s how they make babies!” “Oh, look, Finding Nemo!” “Cool, put it in!” “Yeah!” End of porn.
Point being, a mind is not sullied by information, however young that mind may be. All of those kids, raised by hippies and freaks, are young adults now and I would be proud to have any of them as mine own.
Relax, Terr. The kids are all right.
You need to get a copy of Agent Foxglove’s summer reading list.
I’m not the least bit surprised that the term motherfucker was used in an electoric song. As others said, it’s quite frequent in that genre. In fact, I’d imagine that some of those muddled lyrics the OP mentioned probably had some cursing in it.
I still never really understood the idea of shielding children from cursing, or really pretty much anything. Sure, up to a certain age, it makes sense because they don’t really understand social context and a 4yo might say motherfucker at church, but certainly the average 8-10 understands that there’s a difference between different contexts and probably uses those words when you’re not around, which precisely indicates that they do understand it. If anything, as someone said upthread, I think trying to hide cursing gives the words undue power and then, seeing that, it can encourage them to use it just for the sake of shock.
I do understand that the OP’s child is autistic, but also to that point, I don’t think too many people would be shocked if such a child would repeat that phrase.
Yeah, when I read the OP, my thoughts were the gratuitousness of it was what was striking, not that anyone feared his baby’s eardrums would be ruptured by the bad words. But then I read the rest of the thread and it appears that Terr does want to shield his 10 year old from naughty words. Not gonna happen, dude. Fifth graders cuss like a motherfuck. I get telling your kids they’re not allowed to use those words (which means they will, just not in your presence) or limiting exposure while in your home or vehicle, but don’t act like hearing a bad word is going to warp his sense of what’s appropriate. He’s heard and said worse, and I while I have little doubt that all kinds of expletives get thrown around by him and his classmates, I do doubt that he’s ever called his teacher a motherfucker. To her face, anyway. I think the kid’s got a handle on “good” and “bad” words.
It’s the reaction that scars kids, most of the time. The horrified gasps and the quick turning off of the radio. If the reaction was a rolleyes and a mild comment, the kid would know - swearing does not get a reaction from mommy. The way it is now, kid knows that swearing gets mommy all upset - great way to push buttons!
I understand exactly why you are upset about this, and I sympathize. Unfortunately, the world is very different from even when I was a kid. (I’m 28.) It really is nearly impossible to avoid swear words anymore.
It’s stuff like this that always made me think that Dopers were a much younger group when I first started here. Yet these are older people who act like things have always been this way, when it’s a very recent change. We have someone older than me who grew up in a similar cultural environment (I also grew up pentecostal) claiming that kids use words like this when you aren’t around–yes, they did when I was a kid, but those were the “bad kids” who you didn’t hang around.
I also used to think it was possibly based on demographics, but posters from both the north and the south tend to agree. So I’ve instead come up with the idea that many Dopers just live on a different planet–a bubble world that they’ve created for themselves.
What’s even more hilarious is that many think the same of me, and think they have reasons to back it up.
Hate to burst your bubble, BigT, but it really isn’t that different now. All 10-year olds aren’t running around swearing like sailors any more than they were back in your good old days all of 18 years ago. Some kids swear, most don’t.
But pretty much all 10-year olds will hear the words, whether from the “bad kids”, older kids, adults or media. That hasn’t changed since my childhood, which goes back a bit farther than yours. So do you want to give the words extra power or put them in context?
I don’t swear in front of my kids. I don’t play songs that glorify violence against women, or any violence for that matter. But I don’t freak out if a song with a swear words comes on when they’re listening.
If I was in the OP’s shoes, I would have let it slide and maybe commented, “oops, that’s not a good song for playing in public.” If it continued repeating that phrase over and over, I’d probably change the station and tell them I prefer music without that much swearing. They can decide for themselves if they like it, and hopefully I’m setting an example for them.
Are you talking about me? I’m two years older than you. I was pentecostal once, but not until I was like 11. I was a goody-two shoes though, pretty much forever. I started swearing when I was 7. I actually remember asking my mother if I could swear when she wasn’t around. I don’t think she understood what I was asking though. I swore when I was a fundamentalist Christian (just not the Lord’s name.) Good kids swear. Most kids swear. Most people swear.
There is a huge, massive difference between cursing and glorifying violence. They aren’t even in the same ballpark.