There have been many times in my life when I’ve had my butt saved by the random kindness of strangers. I try to pass it along – I believe I’ve got a couple saved up. Trust me, from my end it doesn’t just make my day, it makes my life. Just off the top of my head:
*A restaurant that fed me and five friends free (we left a $10 tip, it was all we had)
*Bus driver who went out of his way to drop me off at Kingston when I got on a bus heading to New York City by accident.
*Man who gave me and a friend 3 free shirts.
*Ladies who gave me and my team drinks and put their radios in their windows so we could listen to music while we cleaned up an alley.
*Lady on NYC subway who used her day pass to let me on when my pass refused to work.
Well, just speculating, I might venture to offer a hypothesis or two:
First off, RAoK are not that common of an occurence (more’s the pity). Thus, when someone is the recipient of an anonymous RAoK (and the ‘anonymous’ part is a big factor), the first reaction often is: “Who the hell was that and why are they doing this for me?” and more frighteningly: “What do they want in return?” There IS a certain amount of paranoia involved there.
Also, not everyone wants attention from strangers, and the RAoK (however well intended) does come across as unwelcome attention at times. I’m all about being kind to each other, but I DO have to be mindful of how it may be misinterpreted. Sometimes, it does more harm than good.
(I’m reminded of the two teenage girls that went around the neighborhood, leaving cookies for their neighbors, and got sued for causing anxiety attacks by one of the recipients of their goodwill.)
I don’t have problems doing things when I have contact with people directly (opening doors, offering a bit of change, etc.), nor do I have an issue with doing things where I will never be noticed or caught. But when it’s an “in-between” situation–that is, one where it’s obvious that I took a notice in someone, but they are unable to ascertain my personal motives–I tend to abstain, so as not to come across as some sort of stalker-type (or if children are involved, a groomer-type). Being magnanimous is admirable, but it’s not always welcome.
Ditto. I would be really weirded out by the drive-in scenario. I’ve given away money to homeless people and offered extra food to strangers and stuff but for some reason that specific scenario really freaks me out. I would immediately think the car in front of me was trying to lure me into some kind of trap.
I mean really, who comes up with an idea like this? There are lots of random acts of kindness you can do that don’t involve freaking someone out. Plus I don’t really see why I should help out someone rich enough to own a car and eat at a restaurant, when I could just as easily give that two bucks to a homeless person who really needs it.
:rolleyes: Me, for one. As someone who enjoys being the recipient of random acts of kindness (not random acts of stalking, or random acts of flaunting one’s wealth, or even random acts of flirting), I like to give back every now and then. On occasion, I do pay the toll for the car behind me, though I’ve never offered to pay for the food for the car behind me (though I might if I knew ahead of time how much it was-- I’d hate to have the cashier tell me it was $20 and have to be like “oh, well nevermind”).
I’m not sure how recipients of my anonymous random act of kindness feel, but I don’t think about it too much. It makes me feel good, knowing that I was being genuinely kind and that I might’ve helped out someone else.
More often than not, my random acts of kindness happen in class or at work with people I know- whether it be bringing the guy working the previous shift a bite to eat on my way in or helping out a fellow student who looks distressed. I find that often times, people catch on and begin to perform RAoK, themselves.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt nervous or anxious about it, though. But YMMV, of course.
I was once waiting in line to pay for my drink on my break, and I helped bag the order for the guy in front of me. He found out I was on my break and insisted on paying for my Pepsi. That was pretty cool.
The thing is, you don’t have to do it for people you don’t know. You can always do a random act of kindness for someone you DO know, and it doesn’t have to be anonymous, it can be… um… onymous. If it makes you even slightly uncomfortable, don’t do it. Do something else instead.
The ‘random and anonymous’ bit of it is crap, gimmicky and potentially troublesome unless you can explain to the person what exactly was going through your mind. Maybe leave an anonymous note or a pre-printed card or something, that might work. Why should it be anonymous at all, though, unless it’s among people you know will find that amusing?
Sure, it’s sad that we live in a world where people can have something like this done for them and get freaked out by it. But we do, and they can. When I was really ill with depression and anxiety, I’d just barely be coping as it was. If I managed to get the car up to the tollbooth and found someone had paid for me, it would have thrown me completely. It’d have ruined my day. I’d probably have gone home and not gone out for a week. This would NOT have been the fault of the person who paid for me - they’d have been trying to help - but it would have had a major negative impact on me anyway. Mind you, I was equally freaked out by street performers and by those guys who sit in shop windows pretending to be mannequins then suddenly smile at you. The problem was certainly mine.
But what if it does freak them out, for whatever reason? I just feel that if we really get to enjoy the feeling of having been genuinely kind to someone, maybe that comes at the price of taking some responsibility too in case it goes wrong. Just hang around afterwards, and if there’s a problem, you can go up and explain. If they turn out to be unreasonably offended or something, screw 'em - but at least you’ll be able to help.
(I’m sure you do it sensibly, caphis, I didn’t mean to suggest you don’t!)
I have a strange feeling that it doesn’t count as an act of kindness unless it really costs us something personal. If it doesn’t, surely it’s just common decency?
Anyway if you want to do a random act of kindness every Friday then this bloke would be very keen for you to Join Him™ :