I happen to live very close to a town that gets hundreds of thousands of tourists every summer. They come to this town to go to the beaches, visit the Aquarium and Seaport, and shop in the quaint shops of our downtown. It is easy to get frustrated with the traffic, j-walkers and general misguided equilibrium. So to combat this I tend to stay far away from downtown and the like at least between memorial day and labor day.
This weekend the town was completely jammed and I was feeling very uncomfortable trying to get to the post office. Which normally is a 10 minute ride from my house turned into a 35 minute pedestrian dodging, bumper to bumper exercise in patience.
I remembered a wise man once told me: When confronted with insurmountable frustration and unease, dip into the nearest coffee shop and get a hot cup of joe with a cinnamon twist. So I did.
I parked the car on the street, walked into the coffee shop and got in line. When I got to the register, I ordered a cinnamon twist and a coffee, I think the tab came to $3 and change. I gave the woman a $20 and told her to use the change to pay for the people waiting in line behind me. With any luck, the change would last for a few coffee’s at least.
I did’t stick around to find out or watch peoples reactions, but that little bit of kindness gave me the energy and little bit of happiness to lose all my frustrations and get on with a nice day…
How about you? Have you ever been the giver of a random act of kindness? Or the receiver? What happened?
I used to drive the Tappan Zee bridge in New York as part of my commute. Before the days of EZ Pass, TZ bridge commuters could buy books of toll tickets at a slight discount from the normal toll fee. One day coming home from work we were all waiting in our respective toll lanes, I was about 5-6 cars back, and was watching the woman in front of me desperately searching the car for change for the toll. She had a kid in a carseat in the back and as I was watching she scrambled to the back seat and was picking through the junk on the package shelf for coins, and counting it up trying to make the toll. I just felt really bad for this woman in a junker of a car, kid in the back, and not enough money to pay a $2.50 toll.
I put my car in park, ran up to her window and handed her a toll ticket. She seemed extremely embarrassed and thanked me, but by that time the cars in front of her had pulled up so she popped it into drive and pulled up. She needed it a whole hell of a lot more than I did (plus, I had a whole book of tickets in my car).
This didn’t cost me anything, but the other day I saw a big delivery truck that was backing up at the entrance to our subdivision. He couldn’t fit under the old bridge. We had the same problem when we moved in - had to go all around the neighborhood trying to find another way in. So I pulled up next to the driver and told him about the quickest alternate route.
This is more common courtesy, but I’m adding it since the reaction was surprising. I was unloading my full cart of groceries at the store last week when a couple with two or three items got in line behind me. I let them go first since it didn’t seem fair to make them wait for me to put all my stuff on the conveyer, then be checked out. It wasn’t a big deal in my view, but they were shocked, and kept thanking me and asking if I was sure. Really though, what kind of a jerk *wouldn’t * do that?
I don’t have the money to do monetary gifts like that, but I do service ones. If you’ve just unloaded all your groceries as I park, I’ll take your shopping cart back up to the store for you (and I usually collect several other strays on my way up, if I don’t have a kid in the seat.) I help people reach items they can’t, so they don’t have to track down an employee. I keep a stash of Goldfish crackers in my purse for my toddler, but I’ll offer them (after parental permission is obtained, of course) to whiny tired cranky kids in stores and on buses or waiting rooms.
Nothing real big. But it doesn’t always take grand gestures. I actually had someone leave a note with a cashier at one of my local haunts once. The cashier gave it to me the next time I was in. It said, “Thank you for smiling today. My dog and my mother just died and I’m sad. Your smile was the prettiest thing I’ve seen all week.”
That was it. No name, no number. This wasn’t a come on or flirtation. Just thanks for the simplest thing I could have done, which cost me nothing: I smile at strangers.
I was on Orkney, and had decided to walk to Skara Brae from Stromness (it’s only about ten miles or so return). Anyway, at Skara Brae the heavens opened and I was completely soaked to the skin, and the walk back became very miserable and cold. An old couple stopped their car and asked where I was going, and it turned out they lived just outside Stromness, so I jumped in. The really nice thing was that the old lady asked if I’d like some soup, and so I ended up in their living room eating homemade soup, wearing a nice warm dressing gown while my clothes dried in front of the fire, and chatting away to two of the nicest people I’ve ever met.
Recently I spent two weeks with very bad pain in my right leg. The doctors at the ER said it was muscular, to take paracetamol (think Tylenol) and it would eventually go away. But - two weeks! Turns out to have been caused by the oh-so-wonderful mega-ergonomic chairs at work, which having been designed by Germans do not fit this 5’4", short-legged, big-hipped Spaniard at all. Because of this, the pain was less in the morning but kill-me-now in the afternoon. Most of my coworkers did a very good job of ignoring my yowls of pain altogether (and believe you me, I was making no attempt at being ladylike - if you make me be at work when I’m in that kind of pain, by Jove you’ll hear me!). One, who’s from India, would occasionally ask “oh my, your leg still hurt?”, but the Swiss and German ones, nothing.
One day during that time I was walking from the tram (in Switzerland) to my house (over on France) and an old man with his arm in a cast tried to strike a conversation in very-broken German. When I looked kind of stunned, he moved to very-broken French. I answered in Spanish - no way I can mistake his accent! OK, he could have been Colombian But if someone with that accent hadn’t spoken Spanish I would have been very, very surprised.
While I didn’t take him up on his offer to share some of his painkillers, having a stranger care for me was even more of a bright spot on my day as being able to hash the multiple evils of Idiot Bosses in my own language
It’s very rare for people to do this in my experience.
I needed one item at a certain popular chain store, and it was near Christmas. All the registers were packed. I got in a long, snaking line, and a gentleman at the very front invited me to go in front of him. He had nearly four hundred dollars’ worth of stuff in several carts; I was surprised that he’d invite me to cut, since it was late and it was obvious that he was tired and wanted to go home.
…so I did my little act of kindness. I worked at that store and had an employee discount card that, when swiped through the debit terminal, gave an automatic 10% discount. I paid for my stuff, pretended to fumble with my wallet while I waited for the register cue that the next transaction had begun, then sneakily swiped my card again. He ended up getting $40 or so knocked off his total
I do little things that I’m sure are hardly noticed. I almost always take a cart in with me from the parking lot on my way in to the grocery store. I often pick up trash that I find.
I also sometimes do bigger things. It is a rare Christmas eve that I don’t stop to help someone on my way home to Mom’s. Now in the days of cel phones most of the people are already covered, but when I started these trips 20-some years ago there were many a grateful family.
I have bought a round for the bar during the holidays too, just for fun.
I used to always be the guy to help people out when I could, but they were courtesy things (directions, jump a car, quick ride to the gas station, etc.) - but recently between full-time school and full-time night shift plus getting ready for baby at home, I haven’t had a chance to be out more than to the hospital when my wife is there. I did get to buy a few people drinks in the lobby while waiting, basically I bought extra waters and handed them out to people that were around.
I did receive a huge act of kindness recently. A doctor was staying at our hotel, and she is an extremely nice lady, but from a place far away (oh, let’s say, Clevelandish). She was staying down here for 4 days a week to work at our hospital for something and then goes home on the weekend. She was very friendly, had bought other employees dinner and such (Well, showed up with food for them to eat if they wanted it). I had talked to her about my baby, about school, and about plans for the future. One day she came down to the desk before she left for the weekend (she wouldn’t be back for a few weeks) and handed me a folded up paper. I wasn’t sure what it was, so I laid it down on the desk and she walked off. It was a check for a rather large amount, with the note that said “Thanks!” I cashed the check and added it to some of mine and paid my rent early, so we couldn’t waste the extra and would still have it later, but never wrote down the address off the check. At work a few days later it hit me, I wandered into the computer system and got her address. Hopefully she gets my thank you card soon.
Sure. I recently had someone stop me in a parking lot to ask for directions. She was late for a wedding reception and couldn’t find the hotel. I knew a shortcut, but explaining it to her would have been difficult; it included a section of gravel road, a train crossing, and a few turns where I couldn’t remember the street names. So I said “follow me” and drove her right to the parking lot.
I like doing stuff like that for others. Who wouldn’t?
Well, something happened to me that really surprised me.
I´m in Melaque, Mexico on the Pacific Coast right now. I only wanted to visit the beach a few days before I return home next week. I generally cherish solitude, but I find I´ve gotten so used to having my host family/community around I felt utterly alone on the beach.
I was in the Hotel swimming pool on my 2nd day and I finally got up the courage to talk to some Mexican vacationers who were swimming too. Turns out they are from Guadalajara, where I lived for a month when I first arrived. 19 year old girl, her 28 year old boyfriend, and his father.
They invited me to visit Barra de Navidad with them, which is a beach town not far from where I´m staying.
So we took the bus and spent the evening relaxing and exploring the lagoon and pier. The thing is, they insisted on paying for my bus fare and all the expenses that night. They bought me a soda and bought me dinner and even offered to buy me a souvenier but I had to draw the line there.
It just really touched me because it´s obvious that I could afford those things myself but every time I tried to pay they gave me my money back. I never saw them again after that night, but I´ve got a picture and I won´t forget the 3 lovely people who helped me feel not quite so lonely in a foreign town.
The meetings where I work always have food at them, and there’s usually some left over for those with quick reflexes to take home. One night we had individual italian meals from LaRosa’s, and there was a lot left over. So I went home with a box of ravioli, a box of spaghetti and meatballs, 2 salads with ranch dressing, 2 big breadsticks, utenstils, and 2 sodas, quite happy. On the way there I stopped at an intersection with a younger couple holding a sign that said something like ‘Trying to get to X, need food & money’. So I called em over, and handed them the whole bag. Prolly the last thing they were expecting.
I’d also like to say that I recently spent almost 6 months on crutches, and I can count on one hand the number of people who bothered to help me. People didn’t even bother holding doors for me. The worst place I think was the grocery store. I was appalled at the rudeness I was subject to there. And handicapped parking spots. Holy crap I wanted to kneecap some assholes.
A few years ago we were attending a production of A Christmas Carol at our local theater. When the show let out everyone headed to the parking lot directly behind. We were on the second tier and got to the pay booth in good time. I suppose, in the spirit of the season, TPTB had closed the pay booth and put up a sign that read “Pay booth closed, deposit Toonie to raise gate. Merry Christmas”.
Well, isn’t that nice! Not often you get a break from the city coffers. So we start looking for a Toonie, and we look …and we look some more. OMG, can’t find a Toonie. Must have had $200 between us but no friggin’ Toonie.
Finally we reach the gate. I grab a tenner and jump out of the car. First car, sorry no change. Second car, sorry, no change. Third car, sorry can’t change it but I’ve got an extra Toonie, here, GO! I tried to insist he take the ten spot anyway but he just said "forget it, pass it on somewhere else, now GO!
I ran back to my car, dumped the Toonie and got out of there as fast as I could. It was a ten-story lot and there must have been 40-50 cars behind me.
Since that night I must have passed that random act on hundreds of times and I always think of that guy in the parking garage.
I still remember one I participated in in high school: two friends and I were leaving the mall parking lot one winter. It’s significant that it was “winter”, because the lot was covered in new ice. Very, very slick, and because all the exits were uphill, very hard to get out of.
Anyway, as we were heading toward an exit, we noticed the car in front of us, a little low-powered compact job, was just spinning its tires on the hill and going nowhere. The three of us, without even discussing it, jumped out of our car, approached the little compact, and pushed that sucker right up the hill. The driver looked very relieved and waved nicely as he drove away; in retrospect, I can only imagine what he was thinking when the three big teenage fellas in the car behind his all bailed out and approached him.
Like John D. Rockefeller before me, I like to hand out dimes.
Actually, when I get a coupon for a second free Big Mac, when one fills me up, I will give the other one to a panhandler.
But if someone with that accent hadn’t spoken Spanish I would have been very, very surprised.