”After about twenty minutes the myriad chemical impulses shooting through the deepest recesses of his subconscious coagulated into a disturbing thought which slowly bubbled up to the forefront of his mind.”
[Elmore Leonard] Ok then. So long as you don’t confuse people into thinkin’ those other guys wrote a sentence like that. They think you layin’ that off on them, they gonna kick your ass.[/Elmore Leonard]
Not exactly the critique you requested, but still…
Yes, very readable.
I, too, though he was unconsiously plagerizing. I though the editor would call the next day and ask him to cut the shit and send him the real ending.
Haven’t read any of those authors. Sorry.
Thanks for sharing. I’d be happy to read more.
Couldn’t get past the opening lines about the chair. It’s very familiar, as in something I read recently, but can’t remember what it was. Did you lift the ‘gluteal groove’ part from someplace?
Funny you should say that. I just found a thread with my name on it that I do NOT remember posting. what is the shortest unique sentence?
(p.s. If I remember correctly I was completely sober when I made the thread I think you are refering to. I didn’t say he looked like Russel, I just said there’s something about him that reminds me of Russel)
Yeah, I got the idea that the writer was a hack who copied other styles from the title of his story, but it didn’t really dawn on me how much he was doing it until the bible verse.
I thought it was entertaining story. Those of you who commented that it was too long to read, need a swift kick in the nuts.
“Whose Line Is It Anyway.”
The ‘Authors’ round.