I’ve actually had some real bloopers from Google Maps. I’ve gone on a lot of backroads Alabama trips for genealogical trips and for some reason Google is convinced of the existence of a bridge over the Coosa River where there simply isn’t one (and it’s impossible to figure out how to get to the other side when you’re on the ground), or gave me a shortcut to my brother’s house that added 30 miles to the drive and sent me through two lane country roads rather than the route that’s all interstate and 4 lane highway, and got me hopelessly lost in Pensacola by recommending driving the wrong way down a one way street.
A friend of mine was in a volunteer fire dept, and got called out to a fire out in the country. The dispatcher told all the responders to go down such-and-such road and it’s the 4th house on the right…but don’t count the 2nd house, because the feller there died last year.
Thankfully, British motorways have always avoided this, using a different prefix, and when a road is upgraded to motorway status using a suffix, as in A1(M).
On the other hand, I’ve heard plenty of ‘turn off at the last roundabout’ directions for places around here. :smack:
Had a friend give me directions to his house as, “Go to the second stop light after you get out of town and turn right.” The first traffic signal was about six miles out of town and the second was about ten miles after that. This was before Google Earth and Google maps, and I had never been out that way, so I was quite surprised.
“Go as far as you can … then go a little bit further.” Actually these instructions were spot on.
Direction giver: “Turn left at Upstairs - you’ll know where that is because someone on the bus will shout “Upstairs” in order for the bus to stop. 40 years ago it was the only two storey house on the road - it’s not there anymore.”
Me: “I’m not going to be on the bus.”
Ah, and some unexpectedly good directions I was once given ended with: “…and if you see the church on your right, you’ve gone too far. Make a U-turn, and then turn down the first road on your right.” When I pulled into the driveway, I was greeted with “Isn’t it a pretty church?” It was indeed. The road is very difficult to see driving outbound from the city, but heading inbound you really can’t miss it. The U-turn at the church really made all the difference, as ridiculous as it sounded.
You’ve called my 911 agency to report something before, haven’t you? glares
It only took me two or three tries before I realized that “Mont-Royal metro station” is not an adequate landmark, despite there being only one entrance. It is necessary to specify upstairs or downstairs.
This doesn’t stop people asking me to meet at “McGill metro,” which is a labyrinth of more than a half-dozen exits, accesses to any number of malls, and two different mezzanines connected by two corridors. You will have to be a little bit more precise.
When someone gives me directions, I can tell so much about their personality that it is frightening.
I guess what is frightening is that few people make an effort to give you valuable references to put you at ease while driving. And then I don’t like when they fail to give me ‘too far’ references.
Maybe it is just me, but I always add things like, “stay on RT 322 for 10 miles. You have to pass County Creek Golf Course and cross over Mill Rd and continue straight. If you pass Locust Lake Park, you’ve gone too far”.
Now, it’s comforting to pass things that you know you should be passing.
Sorry, those directions are not complete without the dog’s name.
Years ago, I lived in Charlotte NC. This city is known for having streets that bear similar names and intersect with each other - e.g. all the streets with Sharon-something in their names, and known for streets that rebound at intersections (you have to turn right or left to stay on the street with the same name).
Directions to a colleague’s condo south of town. “Take Park Road, then turn right at Highway such-and-such, then turn left at Something Street”.
Driving down Park Road, further than I’d been before. Saw that it turned right at an intersection. So I turned right. Then eventually right on Highway whatever it was. Next thing I see is the South Carolina state line. 
Turned around, proceeded on Highway such-and-such. Pass Park Road. See Something Street on the right. Arrived at friend’s condo.
Ask him about directions. He says “Oh, I assumed everyone would go straight at that intersection. Then it really was right, then left”. (durrrr… you could have SAID “stay straight when road changes to…”).
Which reminds me of the story I heard in Ireland.
A coworker’s granny used get to her house, and just to swerve across the road into her driveway without signalling. When the coworker gently suggested that this was pretty dangerous, granny replied:
“Sure, why would I need to signal? Everyone knows where I live!”
The first time I drove to my husband’s grandparents’ house, he actually used the phrase “turn left onto the road that used to be gravel at the corner where the big oak tree used to be.” Thankfully, his mom could tell me the name of the road.
I once tried to meet someone at the McGill metro. We must have talked on the phone a half hour, wandering around that damn place, before running into one another completely by accident.
I was in Halifax with a friend of mine, and we were looking for a bookstore. Since we had no map, we stopped in at a drugstore to ask the clearly bored, less-than-impressed photo counter girl. She asked us if we were driving or taking the bus, to which we said we were walking, and she said to take the #5 bus. :smack: Upon impressing upon her that we really, really were going to walk, we asked her again where the bookstore was. Her answer? “It’s at the [whatever] mall.”
We then informed her that we were from out of town, and we were not familiar with Dartmouth, and we would need slightly more explicit directions than that. She heaved an enormous sigh, and launched into a set of directions, all given at the speed of light, that I swear to you sounded like a description of Lewis and Clark’s travels in the wilderness. It just went on and on and ON. “You go down the road a ways and you turn left. Take that street six blocks then go right again. Go down once and go to the bend in the road, then take the street that comes in at the angle. Go left, not right. Take that about a block down and then you come to the big road, and you need to turn right. It’s a long road. You go up the hill and down the hill and then up another hill, and there’s two sets of traffic lights at the top, and you have to turn right at the first set, not the second set, because the second set takes you out of town. Keep going and follow the bend around and you’ll be there.”
We just stood there, mouths agawp, then thanked her for her time. We got to the bookstore. We took the bus.
My dad was a stickler that I learn the difference between north, south, east, and west as well as be able to give good directions. (It was one of his pet peeves) Reading maps was a fond pasttime of mine so I got to be quite good at a very early age.
Fast forward a decade or so and I’m a new insurance adjuster in the time before googlemaps and GPS’s. I asked for driving directions for essentially every customer I met and I can’t tell you how many people out there simply just. don’t. get. it. How can you not know where you live fercryinoutloud.
I also take statements from drivers involved in auto accidents. Countless number of times people had absolutely no clue what road they were on, what direction they were going, or even if they were going toward downtown or away from downtown. [rolleyes]
There are times when someone is giving directions that they give too much information as well. “You go past the McDonalds, the Post Office, and Arbys…” when McDonalds, the Post Office and Arbys are all next to each other. <sigh>
I guess Dad’s pet peeve lives on…
<sucks on corn cob pipe>You can’t git thar from here </pipe>
The problem with that is that the art of writing has been lost, and people are trying to memorize directions. You get maybe ten words that will stick in their mind – more than that and you may as well not have spoken at all.
Of course, sometimes you get lucky. As a child, the directions from one of my friends house to mine were: “Take Jefferson Court to Jefferson Parkway and turn left, turn left again on Jefferson Road, then left on Jefferson Drive, and right on Jefferson Lane. It’s the last house before you hit Jefferson Drive again.” At least three of those Jeffersons were necessary to get there from anywhere.
I hear the oilfield guys have some doozies. “Turn left at the mainest dirt road” is one that sticks in my mind.
A friend of mine tends to give directions as, “when you get to the intersection, you can turn left or right; go straight.”
My little brother used to give directions to our house as, “turn left at the sign that looks like a credit card, then go past the house that looks like a face…”
“Turn left half a mile before you get to the stop sign.”
I win.
i don’t see as to why not, I certainly got here from theyah …
mrAru spent a fascinating 14 months duty stationed at Portsmouth Shipyard in Maine, made for some fun weekends, as one of our favorite passtimes is to head out with a cooler of munchies and drive around aimlessly sightseeing